My darling @ENKELI
In my eyes what I can work out is that your Godchildren are both wrapped up, and very defensive about their mother. What would happen to them if they break away from their mother ?
Will they have no one to love them ? Who do they remember getting scraps of love from ? Who feeds them ? They are like those puppies I keep on watching on utube - when they are ditched by their owners on the side of the highway in America, they starve to death. ..
It's completely correct that you're still processing the pain and confusion about the estrangement from your godchildren. Your feelings are valid.
In Anne Deveson's book, "Tell Me I'm Here," she sensitively writes about her son Jonathan's diagnosis of schizophrenia on their family, While her situation is different than yours, the circumstances of family estrangement, mental health struggles, and the enduring pain of loss are the same.
Just as Deveson writes about the problems in family and loss you too are facing significant challenges. .
I also lost my own two sons which was and is incredibly painful.
You also described the financial and emotional support you provided to your godchildren, only to be met with ..... I might say ... Betrayal and rejection.
It feels like you was giving 120 % support and getting little back. But like may I surmise - maybe your godchildren are getting this too.
What can you do moving forward ?
* Focus on Self-Care:
Wake in the morning, get yourself in a timetable like -
7 am - wake up
7.20 am first coffee
7.30 am shower
8am get dressed
And so on.
See the GP and tell her/ him what is happening. Please don't think I'm pulling @Glisten into this but she has written about her medication and I am on positive medication too. Get yourself in that mental health plan. Sorry for telling you what to do. Just like looking at your blood sugar levels.
This is important in managing your emotions. As Deveson demonstrates in her book, ' Tell me I'm here," prioritizing your own well-being is important when dealing with challenging family dynamics
* Limit Contact (for now):
While you want to reach out, it's crucial to just think of your own wellbeing.
In the book written by Deveson she often had to set boundaries with well-meaning but intefering family members who didn't fully understand Jonathan's condition.
In this book written by Deveson, she sought support from other families in similar situations, creating a network of understanding and empathy. Would you ever think of going to free group therapy that I think is run by Carers Wa?
Be gentle.
Be kind to yourself. You've endured a very big loss, and it's okay to feel the pain. Remember that healing is a journey, not a race.
"It sounds tough. Losing touch with your godchildren must be really hard. I know how much you cared for them.
In that book "Tell Me I'm Here," she talks about how hard it was to see her son struggle with mental health, and how it affected their whole family. It can be really tough when families go through difficult times.
Sometimes kids get caught up in what's happening with their parents, even if it's not their fault. It's their life to live, and hopefully, they'll find their own way back someday. But they will come back different. Please prepare yourself for you to be strong, the best @ENKELI ever.
If there's mental health, they come back with like cotton wool wrapped up inside their brains. Manipulated.
When I lost my sons, I had to work, I had to survive but I collapsed. It takes time to heal.
I beg you to Focus on yourself, do things you enjoy, and talk to someone you trust.
Things change, and you never know what tomorrow will bring.
