Never being in a relationship

[TheRenegade345]

@Jynx 

Thank you for checking in. I need help with this stuff. Why am I so unattractive? Why am I so ugly and unlovable? I have worked so hard on myself for the past decade. I used to be selectively mute around girls in high school so I have had to work to overcome that. I have missed so much social development because of that and that means I dont know what I am doing on dates or interacting with women at all.

I have spent thousands of dollars on dating coaches to help improve this aspect of my life. I have been ripped off by them too. I have worked to get two degrees in education, I write my own music, I have so many hobbies and interests. What do I have to do to show that I have value? 

I dont want people invalidating how I feel anymore or just telling me to "work on myself". I want people to just see this is unfair. Dating for men is damn hard because womens standards are through the roof and the reasons we get rejected are just so arbitrary.

I want to cry. I want to rip my heart and and just give it to someone. What am I doing wrong to deserve this lot in life?

[Jynx]

@TheRenegade345 I am really hearing you, it can feel like a great sucking void in your chest hey... well it did for me. I also used to get extremely frustrated whenever people would tell me 'It gets better!' Lacking connections feels like death because our need to connect is wired into our survival system. 

You said you want people to see it is unfair... I mean I do agree with you; modern life has made dating an absolute nightmare. I'm just wondering what would change for you if you felt like people did see it that way? Or is it more about the notion that if people saw how unfair it was, then it would change? 

I am logging off soon, but we can chat more next week - be gentle with yourself 💜

[TheRenegade345]

@Jynx 

I feel like if more people saw how terrible the dating system is, maybe we would do more to actively change it. Currently men like me have no chance. We are:

• Too shy
• Too introverted
• We have the aura of being boring
• We dont come across as charismatic
• We are expected to do all the work at the start even if we have no experience due to the conservative nature of dating 
• The moment we drop our guard and show a hint of vulnerability, we get rejected (this is not an incel argument, this is something that DOES happen).

I dont want to hear "it does get better", "you just have to keep working on yourself", "the moment you stop looking it will happen". These are redundant, meaningless phrases that have no utility and no purpose.

Do people actually want to see an increase in male self-esteem and self-confidence? How about we actually start doing something about it and not keep making these ridiculously cliches overtures. This article title that I genuinely saw sums up about how society views men.

"Male self-confidence is at an all time low. Here's how it affects women".

Absolutely f*** off. No wonder more men are going to the right, becoming more conservative and following Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson. The left DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT US AT ALL!

[TheRenegade345]

cant sleep feel trapped and I hate myself 

[TheRenegade345]

I am still awake, and I feel completely dead inside. life has no meaning and no purpose, I hate myself so much

[TheRenegade345]

what's the point in anything? we only get disappointed because some of us dont have the ability to actually live I hate everything and I hate everyone

[TheRenegade345]

society is dead, no cares about anyone. if only an asteroid came and destroyed this whole planet that would be glorious I cant stand this planet at all

[RiverSeal]

Hey @TheRenegade345, thank you for sharing your thoughts with the community!

It sounds like you are in a tough spot right now, and I get that it can be hard when we have these thoughts and feelings. You are demonstrating your resilience by sharing here on the Forums. And you are brave in being honest about what you are thinking.

I'm curious about what support you have in your life and whether you have someone to talk to about things. The Forums are a great place to connect with like-minded people but sometimes it's good talk with someone too. Have you contacted SANE's Support Line before for a chat? I'll pop the details here, so you are familiar with them: SANE Support Line: 1800 187 263 Counselling

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts!

Take care

RiverSeal 

[RiverSeal]

Hey @TheRenegade345,

How are you doing today? I'm on all day if you want to have a chat or need a little extra support 🙂

RiverSeal 

[TheRenegade345]

@RiverSeal 

What can be done? I have done all the introspection on this issue and there isnt anything I havent thought of before. Unless it is tailored towards never being in a relationship and worried that it may never happen, I dont know what else I can do or if I am willing to actively talk about: working on yourself, practicing self compassion, all those things that I do every single day.