Never being in a relationship

[rav3n]

@TheRenegade345 

i hear you, face-to-face connections are important too. how do you usually go about making these social connections? also when you say socially connect, are you open to friendships or just dating/romantic connections?

i'm really glad you made the single mens support group thread. i think that's definitely a big step in creating an outlet for yourself and for others too. 

and it's okay to cry. sometimes it sucks and you gotta cry it out to feel better. 

[Jynx]

@TheRenegade345 absolutely fair, I wish it helped more too! 

I hope you're able to cry if it feels like it is needed. It's one of the ways we regulate and release stress and tension - I've had to work on releasing sooo much of my shame around crying, and I imagine it's 10x worse for men! 

I have to dash as I'm finishing up for the night, but I can check in tomorrow if you like? 

Be gentle with yourself friend 💜

[TheRenegade345]

@rav3n 

I am open to all kinds, I just want connection. Particularly at this time of the year and particularly after putting so much effort into it all.

@Jynx yeah it does, I just feel empty and I dont feel anything right now

[rav3n]

yeah holiday seasons definitely amplifies that idea of connection. we see it outdoors in public, we see it indoors on our tv screens - i can see why its so tiring and frustrating! @TheRenegade345 

i know you're trying and putting effort into this, and the connections you were after haven't come in yet BUT it doesn't mean you don't deserve them. you deserve to feel seen, to feel valued, to feel connected - and i personally haven't lost hope - i think you can and will find it. i'm manifesting this for you!!

how are you going today? you still working or on break?

[TheRenegade345]

@rav3n @Jynx 

I also feel like this time of the year is advertised to families and couples. If you are single (and have lost some family members this year) this time of the year absolutely sucks. Its already getting rough as I am struggling the past couple of days.

Today was pretty bad as I was struggling at the start. I am still working until next Friday the 20th

[rav3n]

it is advertised like that, but doesn't mean that advertisement = reality!! you can do things your way this holiday season. you may not have control of others but you have control of how you spend your holidays. @TheRenegade345 you ever thought of getting a pet? (i'm not saying that pets are the same as having a human companion btw, just wondering if you're an animal person)

[Jynx]

@TheRenegade345 oh yeah for sure, it's like we're flooded with all this so-called 'festive cheer', which might be okay if it wasn't for the accompanying shifts in social dynamics. Small talk that was vague before becomes very holiday-centric, so where once you could easily have a planned answer to like, "What have you been up to?" but then this time of year suddenly its "You seeing family for xmas?" and all that kinda stuff. To me it feels like it takes a painful experience that is already constantly pushed out of the 'public eye' and shoves it even further to the back, like "Oh no this is a time of year for happiness and celebration, you're not allowed to be anything other than cheerful!'

Sucks you've had a rough day too. Hope the evening has been a little better?

[TheRenegade345]

@rav3n I do have a pet, her name is Rosie, she is a Jack Russell and she will be 7 years old on Friday 🙂

@Jynx I know, I have already had to start preparing what I am going to say to get around those awkward conversations. This is the time of year where my issues really come to the fore without me wanting them too. I just want a normal Christmas where I have a good band of friends and a relationship around. I am sick of these lonely, depressing, sad Christmas'

[Jynx]

@TheRenegade345 do you have a go-to that shuts down the conversation quickly? I find it sooo helpful to say something a little bit off-kilter, like

'What are you doing for xmas?'

'Same as I do every year, fighting off this darn curse'

or 

'You seeing family this year?'

'Is it really 'seeing' them if they won't stop haunting your house?' 

I find the more bizarre the better, because it either a) scares em off and then you don't have to deal with them anymore or b) they have a good sense of humour and you might end up having a whole, funny conversation from it! 

[rav3n]

aww Rosie is such a sweet name, do you have a picture? happy early birthday to her!! @TheRenegade345 and also i absolutely love those responses @Jynx!!