Never being in a relationship

[tyme]

"Show for it'... is this to show or prove to yourself or others?

Please don't take these questions harshly. I'm just a little confused. If you don't feel up to answering, that's absolutely okay. @TheRenegade345 

I'm not sure if I'm on the same path, but when I was younger, I used to flick through social media and feel that my like was barren, useless and hopeless because I didn't have all the 'amazing' things that they had. It really pulled me down and I became so depressed by it. This stopped me living for many years because I knew I couldn't do what all those people on social media did. People I knew. People I went to school with. People I grew up with.

Years later, now, looking back, I'm so glad I don't have what they have. I feel that by not having what I once craved, I'm actually in a much better place.

I'm not sure if I'm on the same path @TheRenegade345 . Just because you don't have one aspect of life, does it mean you have 'nothing'?

[TheRenegade345]

@tyme 

Just to demonstrate my worth that I have something to offer. I feel like no one takes the time to get to know me at all and just stare right through me.

I dont have many things others dont have, therefore I have nothing.

[rav3n]

hey @TheRenegade345 i don't know much about history but i briefly studied the Hellenistic period in uni and found that stuff really interesting (although i've forgot most of what i've learnt now). those are some really fascinating areas of history to be interested in though, i wonder if there's some sort of history club at museums local to you? 

from what you mentioned, do you feel that you want someone to understand you and 'see' you completely? correct me if i'm wrong, but what i'm getting from you've said is that you feel misunderstood and unnoticed by others, and you want someone to take the time to see you and fully get you?

[TheRenegade345]

@rav3n 

I could have a look but I dont know of any museums local to me, apart from ones in the city.

I just want someone to try to see me for who I am. I dont expect anything to be perfect but I just want to see some effort, I honestly never see any effort at all and it makes me so frustrated. I put in the effort but it is never reciprocated. That's why I get so sad and I find the gaslighting about relationships/friendships so frustrating. I put in a lot of effort and get nowhere and then I get criticised as if I am trying too hard or whatever.

[rav3n]

@TheRenegade345 

i've had a quick search and here's what i've found:

• Membership | Hellenic Museum - this is paid membership but it connects with you others with similar interests.
• a 'free' alternative would be volunteering here and perhaps gives an opportunity to just connect over mutual interests Volunteer | Hellenic Museum

there's events such as La Trobe Classics in the City 2024 | City of Melbourne but they're not clubs unfortunately. 

i hear how frustrating it is to not have that energy and effort reciprocated. it must be exhausting to feel time and time again that you're giving so much and getting little to nothing in return, i've experienced this too. i can definitely see you've put effort, there's no doubt about that. there could be so many different reasons why it hasn't gone your way, whether its bad timing, or people around you just not being able to meet you at where you are - but these reasons don't mean you're less worthy or deserving connection. it doesn't mean you're destined to be alone.

you mentioned putting so much effort into building connections with others, i'm wondering, do you put the same effort into connecting with yourself? (such as doing things you enjoy, figuring our your likes/dislikes, nurturing yourself, etc)

[TheRenegade345]

@rav3n 

Thanks for sending those through and I will definitely check them out. Unfortunately they are not taking volunteers at this time but hopefully they will one day.

I think I am at the moment where the energy required to put in to building connections just doesn't seem worth it. It has been like this since high school (which was a long time ago) so why would it change now? It has never looked like changing at all.

I write my music and I have my own Soundcloud. I am currently trying to write a song today, only just finished the introduction. It is a song based on the music of New Order so the bass is the main instrument.

[edited by moderator]

[tyme]

Hey @TheRenegade345 ,

I wanted to let you know that in your previous post, the link didn't pass moderation because it contained potentially identifiable information about yourself, seeing it was your music.

Hence the link has been edited out.

Feel free to reach out at team@saneforums.org if you have any questions.

[MJG017]

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@TheRenegade345 wrote:

I think I am at the moment where the energy required to put in to building connections just doesn't seem worth it. It has been like this since high school (which was a long time ago) so why would it change now? It has never looked like changing at all.

@TheRenegade345  As futile as it seems, it's always worth it.  In my 54 years I've only ever made one close connection with anyone.  Up until I was 40 I had pretty much given up trying.  I'm not saying you need to devote your life to it or anything, just don't give up that hope.   The last thing you want to do is get close to the end of your life and regret all those years of not trying at all due to giving up completely.  It can change in an instant, when you meet the right person, but you do need to find them.  Like I said, you don't have to spend all your time looking.  It sounds like you're still trying new things and thinking of new ideas so just keep doing that and keep a look out... they're out there somewhere.  I just hope it doesn't take you as long as it took me.  Even then, it's still worth it.

[TheRenegade345]

@MJG017 

I often wonder if I have the evolutionary fitness to survive, whether that be in making friends or having a relationship. I barely function at mu job as it is. I dont know how any one manages to have a decent life in this world that we live in. I feel like I have had the absolute worst year of my life this year and nothing seems to be turning around. I can barely socialise at the moment, I am so forgetful and keep forgetting about things I need to do, I can barely hold conversations. I can’t even get on Zoom calls without felling immensely fatigued.

There is a Who song called “I’m One” that I have been listening to lately and the opening stanza just hits home:

“Every year its the same and I feel it again,

I’m a loser, no chance to win”.

[Jynx]

Hey @TheRenegade345 just wanted to pop in and offer some support. I'm really hearing how burnt out you are by the sounds of it, and I just wanted to highlight exactly what you have said - "I dont know how any one manages to have a decent life in this world that we live in." I think for me, I do find it helpful to remind myself that humans simply did not evolve to be able to cope with the non-stop, hustle-culture, with the endless onslaught of sensory overwhelm, all of it is sooooo much for our funny little monkey brains!! It's really okay to not be coping with it all!! 

I hope you're able to carve out some time for respite. Do you have sufficient professional support around you at the moment? 

Sending some hugs your way! 💜