Never being in a relationship

[TheRenegade345]

Does anyone here believe they are destined to not being in a relationship? I feel this way a lot as I feel like I’m not a desirable person.

I’ve worked hard to be content and satisfied in life but I feel like that’s just gaslighting myself to think that’s what I need to be accepted.

I feel so sad 

[tyme]

Hey @TheRenegade345 ,

You are absolutely NOT alone in feeling this way. 

I only JUST responded to another member online who was feeling a similar way. I'll have to find the thread and tag you.

Believe it or not, there are more people than you think who experience similar thoughts of never being in a relationship. The reasons may be different, but the underlying issue is pretty much the same. 

I hear how disheartening this can be.

As I've mentioned in the past, I wonder if it's about finding your tribe? Finding those who value you for who you are?

[tyme]

Found it @TheRenegade345 

Do you ever feel you’re not “meant for love”? 

@leafylady666 , you may be able to relate to @TheRenegade345 . Looking to hear your thoughts.

[Shift83]

Sure do! I am sure you are not alone!

[TheRenegade345]

@tyme Thanks I do appreciate the message.

I am currently struggling with a recent diagnosis of ASD and ADHD which I believe has had a significant impact on my ability to form friendships and have a relationship. I am trying to find a psychiatrist to help with that but I honestly dont know what to do in the mean time.

I cant socialise properly without being absolutely exhausted due to processing and concentrating. I just want to be normal.

[Cleo2]

Hi @TheRenegade345 @Shift83 @tyme I can totally relate to this feeling and these thoughts. I have not wanted to be in a relationship for years because of this. I would be content with finding a tribe of some sort or some friendships.

[Shift83]

I'm the same last year diagonosed with ASD and ADHD. And the rest of the alphabet. But then again "what is normal"? Rather be a little out there and true to myself than mask as you said it gets exhausting. Even getting a job. 1 month later still feels like it's a new job every day, as I have to mask.... it's horrible. 

@everyone - I can spell, something about this site just makes me bash keys and hit submit.

[TheRenegade345]

@Shift83 @Cleo2 @tyme 

I know what you mean about "normal". I guess it is more about just having a solid friendship group and being in a relationship. Feeling connected and loved would be the closest definition I can get to.

I know what you mean about feeling like every day is your first day at a job. That's been my experience too.

[leafylady666]

Hi @TheRenegade345,

The gaslighting bit - dang that hit the nail on the head.

Your brain begins to mess with itself by thinking “Am I happy being alone, or am I just saying this to cover the fact I am actually unhappy and lonely”…

I talk to my psychologist about this topic often and she always reminds me that just because people are in relationships doesn’t equally guarantee happiness.

Like having a romantic relationship is the key to all my problems and my acne will clear, depression will be cured etc etc.

The whole Disney thing 😂

I recently found out an ex-close friend who inflicted a lot of trauma on me was married with a child - and I felt so jealous and hurt because she’d always contributed to the narrative that I was “undesirable”. 
It sent me into such a bad place because I felt every bad thing she’d said about me was true.

But here’s the thing - I know deep deep (very deep) down I am worthy of love, and I definitely know you are too.

I bet after all the work and time you’ve spent helping and healing yourself, you have so much heart and wisdom to give.

May not be today, might be tomorrow - but you’ll find someone. 

Until that time, continue to love yourself, okay? 

[tyme]

I think for me, I distance myself so I don't let people to close even if they want it @leafylady666 @TheRenegade345 .

I think it's part of my BPD. 

Then, years on, I've become quite satisfied by myself. 

Is it a fear still? Or is it something 'wrong' with me?