Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member 

no I haven't mentioned this before. 

I think talking about the old psychologist stirred things up today. I was angry at his brhsviour. I was very vulnerable and didn't cope well when he stopped the sessions. I was driving home sobbing so much thst I was abandoned thst I called the CAT team. 
I won't tske this any further. there's no point. I guess if I was going to I should have when he hugged me. 
I'm going to concentrate on my new psychologist. She is very caring. 
she makes me see things a different way.  
we did a timeline tiday of when I was 20 30 40 abd 50

we worked out that my mentsl health prob started in my teenage years. I was told by a hospital dictir to see a psych but mum cancelled the appt. it then escalated in my 30's when we lost my FIL abd MIL moved in a week after we had our third bsby. I had a 4 yr 3yr old and MIL home. Oh abd hubby was home for  5 years as he had terrible arthritis and couldn't wirk. He is much better now. 
we talked about post natal depression and I feel I may have had it. So much stress at that time. 
then 40's was ehen my childhood abuse came out. 
so I guess I've suffered mental health since my teenage years. But never diagnosed. 

You're right I need to think of all the good things in my life. 

[BlueBay]

Is anyone around ??

 I'm very emotional tonight. But don't know why. 
I'm tired 

I don't know what I want 

anger is my favourite friend and it's here 

[Former-Member]

Yes I'm here @BlueBay 

[BlueBay]

@Former-Member  I don't know how to feel snymore. This feb marks 10 years since my childhood sexual abuse came out. 10 wasted years. 10 years of accepting my BPD and mental illness. And where am I - worse than when I first started. 
10 years 😢😢😢

I csnt even think I'm so upset 

[Former-Member]

I think you need to find something to distract yourself for a while @BlueBay . Your thinking right now is not constructive, and could even be dangerous. I think all this is best discussed in the presence of your psych. She can help steer you through this minefield in a safe manner. 

So what can you do this evening to get your mind off things, and to help rest your troubled mind?  Perhaps watch something on tele, take a nice hot shower, read a book?

[BlueBay]

I'm in the lounge. Hubby watching some car show. Boring. 

@Former-Member Im going downhill. I told my psychologist today that my mental health is worse now than the previous years (20-40 yrs)

ten years is a long time. It's huge. 
I want to sh 

I eant to show others what it's like

im not taking my meds agsin 

I'm sorry I'm no good talking tonight 

my head is messed up 

[Shaz51]

ohh my sister @BlueBay , please take your meds for me xxxx

[Whitehawk]

Dear @BlueBay 

I can hear that you are feeling messed up this evening. I ask you please to reconsider your decision not to take your meds. Going off your meds can be very risky without medical guidance. Please consult your doctor if you are wanting to change your medication. 

please look after yourself.

Whitehawk 

[Former-Member]

Oh @BlueBay  I am sorry. There is little I can say to you on that. But I really hope you decide to take your meds tonight. You can talk more then to your psych or GP tomorrow.

I know it must seem like you are worse now than years ago. But that is only this very moment in time. In the next hour, day or week you will probably think differently. Its really hard to see our own progress during times of duress. 

For now though .. please take your meds. Review your situation tomorrow with a clear mind and advice from a MH pro.

[BlueBay]

@Whitehawk 

I stopped a few days ago. On and off for last few weeks.  It's hard to form a habit of taking them daily now thst I've stopped. 
tbh I don't care 

I just don't care 

I want to very badly self harm 

I want to screw things up 

I want to prove to others that I'm not coping