dealing with bpd

[tinnx]

A little about myself I'm a 24 year old female, who was diagnosed with bpd in the year 2010. I've been to numorious psychologist, as well as medications. But I know deep down that this is going to be a lifetime battle I'm going to struggle with. I know I've come a long way from what I was in the year 2010 from the suicide attempts to the implosive behaviour. As years have gone on those behaviours have diminished, but others have surfaced more as my anxiety has gotten to the point were I can barely leave the house, I have to mentally prepare my self for social situations a day or two in advance other wise I'll go into melt down, My relationship with my partner is very up and down due to my moods, I have no trust in anyone. Also did a lot of reading on the mental illness and was sad to read a lot of negative articles about females with bpd, and to avoid relationships with. I've got a few questions out there who are suffering and going through the long process of healing; what treatments worked best for you? Any long term relationships, what suggestions do you have to me and my non bpd affected partner. What has worked for you to make you relasionship work? Little tips for either him or me.  
This is the first time I've spoken so openly about my mental illness and I've realised its nothing to be ashamed off no more. 
Will be great to hear back from any off you dealing with the same issue. I'd love to hear any advice, stories, and tips. 
 xxx

[jist0508]

Hi @tinnx well done for putting yourself out there and posting your feelings!

I have BPD and am in the process of getting my feet back on the ground after my first OD. I am in the care of a very good psychologist for long term therapy, a great psychiatrist for medication advice and management (each person has such differing medication needs!) and I have been in a prevention and recovery facility working on dialectical behavioural therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy (DBT and CBT) and these skills are a MASSIVE help in reducing anxiety, controlling my anger, and understanding how to regulate my emotions.

My husband is in touch with a carer support person who helps him deal with the stress he feels when I am at my worst. We have a very deep respect for each other, so it helps to build a relationship that is strong enough to deal with this intense disorder. I don't know how to explain it but he is just so resilient, I am very lucky to have a guy that can handle my BPD!

I am still new to my diagnosis, I really can only suggest you find any and all support networks you can and learn as much as possible together as a couple. Find supportive people and groups etc, that's what's getting my family through this. I really hope I was even just a little bit helpful to you 🙂

[Former-Member]

Hello @tinnx,

Welcome to the forum and what an honour to be part of your first time story sharing. It is such a big step to a lot of people. You're right, it is not something to be ashame of 🙂

Everyone responds to treatment differently so it is great that you're open to find ways that work for you. I hear you're expecting a long lifetime battle; at the same time, understanding ourselves seems to be a lifetime journey to many of us as well 🙂

I would encourage you to use the search function at this forum by typing `bpd', `mood', `relationship' in the search bar and see what posts come up. You're find some great tips with amazing stories on how people maintain their wellness. There is no limitation of information and support here so I hope you'll find something that would spark your hope up.

Take care and look forward to see more of your post 🙂 

[CherryBomb]

Welcome to the Forums @tinnx and good job on contributing your first post. Hopefully, there's many more to come.

@jist0508 gave some wonderful advice about getting support for their partner, as well as getting support for yourself. As the old cliche goes, loving yourself is important to love others. Realising that there's nothing to be ashamed about with having a MI is a great start! 

To add to this, I just want to point out some current conversations and Forums members that you may want to connect with. @Billamba has written about BPD and managing emotions here. @Crazy_Bug_Lady started a coping box with rescources and strategies to manage challenging emotions. There's also a discussion about romantic relationships and mental illness, which you might find useful. In it, @shanc who also has BPD talks about the difficulties they experience trying to sustain relationships. I wonder if any of these members can provide some advice about managing BPD?

I also think @Mazarita has a long-term relationship as well as @Shaz51. Perhaps they can provide some advice here.

Hope to see you around,

CherryBomb

[Billamba]

Hi @tinnx,

Thank for the tag in this post @CherryBomb. 🙂

I find the negativity around BPD very sad, its one thing that really frustrates me. I was reading another post on this forum yesterday about a lady whose treatment team didnt want to tell her she had BPD for the stigma. I have two issues with this, a trust issue and the treatment teams lack of desire to assist with breaking down stigma. I thank my lucky stars that when BPD was brought up with me it was brought up in an positive manner and I was encouraged to ask them questions while wrapping my head around it. I was also treated as a person first and foremost and never was BPD used to define me. I think that has really helped me and its something I'd like to remind others of. You are not your diagnosis, you are so so much more than that. 

Treatment wise I've heard DBT is really good for use with BPD but not tested it myself. Having moved recently  (different state) I am still in the process of setting up any health related stuff (GP and mental health). It is something Id like to explore further. For me currently Im doing alot of 'self-care' - breathing, taking time for me and doing things I enjoy (just started riding my horses again, mindful colouring in, sewing etc), trying to get enough sleep, eating well (this is something I really struggle with from issues with an eating disorder), some sort of exercise/movement each day, mindfullness activities (specifics of which are escaping me at the moment) etc.  I also wear a rubber band around my wrist pretty much constantly and use it to 'punish' myself instead of other methods.

I havent got nor have I had a long term relationship so I cant help you with any thing there!!! 

Today is an okay day and I am much better at saying things than actually doing them. My moods are all over the place and I really struggle with abandonment and insecurity. I also have issues with depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. I understand what you are saying about social situations - I to really struggle with this but am activly trying to beat it at the moment and not give in to my mind. Much easier said than done of course though.

I hope some others can help you and I hope we can converse some more about your experience with BPD.

((hugs))