Hi @MoonGal @Former-Member @Appleblossom @Faith-and-Hope @Kurra.
Firstly @MoonGal - You are really good at this reno game arent you? I love the new look of your 50's style retro kitchen. Terrific job! I'm sure your next project with the bedroom will be just as successful. 
Well today I am struggling big time. I have been talking to my brother who is not doing too well right now himself. He had a bad car accident last year which resulted in serious spinal injuries to himself and the death of his 11yo daughter. After 14 months he is still unable to return to work. He started seeing a psychologist a few months ago and she then referred him to a psychiatrist who diagnosed him with PTSD. He seems to be going through a particularly difficult time right now and his psych is concerned for him.
So he psych is now phoning him at home twice a week and he goes to see his psych at least once a week on top of that. My brother calls him his 'carer'. He is having a lot of serious suicidal thoughts which they are all concerned about. He is a farmer and has firearms as a matter of course. He has now handed over the keys of his gun safe to the authorities at the insistence of his psych. And he has been told to never be at home alone during this particularly difficult time. So things are pretty bad.
I suffer from PTSD myself, and have suicidal thoughts as well from time to time. But I am having a lot of difficulty in coping with discussions with my brother about all this. I suppose it just brings everything back for myself as well. My own circumstances resulting in my PTSD were so totally different to what my brother is going through now. But PTSD has the same symptoms and results for most people. I feel as though I should be able to be more help than what I am. We have always been pretty close, and he seems comfortable in talking to me about most things. But he lives a long way away, so discussions are always over the phone.
Today I did something I've never done before today. I told my brother that I suffer from PTSD. The only others who know is my GP and my psych. And you guys who read my posts too of course. When he was discussing some of the things he is experiencing with his PTSD (anxiety attacks, suicidal thoughts, nightmares) I told him that "I understood". He replied "How can you - you dont have PTSD". So I told him that I had been diagnosed only about 2 years ago with PTSD relating to something that happened 20 years ago. I didnt go into any details. But he did agree to phone me anytime that he was feeling overwhelmed or needed someone to talk to that understood. And if he was unavoidably on his own at home.
So now I am freaking out about having actually told someone about my own PTSD. What must he be thinking? Will his opinion of me be any different now?
Any suggestions on how I can cope with this new 'outing' of myself, and how I can be of more help to my brother?
Thanks @Former-Member for your reassurance.
I think I am mainly struggling because my brother is in such a 'fragile' state right now. And perhaps I may be in over my head. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I dont recognise if he is about to do something really stupid? I know he is being well monitored by his psych, but I guess I still feel responsible as well. And its hard when we live so far apart, its a 7 hour drive to get there. Maybe I will miss something, some vital clue.
Yes he has all the necessary numbers to call if needed. But there again if you really are in that state of mind, you probably wont call those numbers anyway? If you are really determined, you cant really stop it. And thats what I'm really worried about. I am very concerned for him. 
Is your brother living alone? @Former-Member
Yes, I can imagine you are worried about him. How often do you keep in touch with each other? Does he have any family and friends close by, that he can talk to? 
How are you going with sleeping at night. I remember that you said that you are on your own for a few weeks?
Morning @Former-Member.
I hope you are right, that a sympathetic and understanding ear may be just what my brother needs.
I am pleased to hear that you enjoyed your walk yesterday, its always nice to get out into the fresh air to clear the head a little bit.
Its not good that you cancelled your psych apt this week though. Hopefully you feel better able to go next week. Its ironic isnt it that we almost need to be feeling okay, in order to get to the psych appointments? And yet its when we feel least able to get there, that we really need to the most. I too keep telling myself that these bad times will improve, that my thought processes will become less dark, and that one day I may even feel like my previous self. But its hard when its such a struggle just to get through each day.
Sleep is still pretty crappy. Although last night after being awake pretty much all night up until 5.15am, I did finally fall into an exhausted sleep. And slept in until nearly 9am. Thats the best in a while now.
I hope today is kind to you @Former-Member, and also that you are kind to yourself. Take care.
