Grief

[Patticake]

I have been a bit wishy washy on where I post . I am not sure if I have posted this previously. I thank everyone who has supported me. The first 12 months after my husband died I was in a brain fog and shock. I guess that helps the brain to adjust. Just the past few days I have dipped right down for various reasons. One reason is September was a really difficult month which I brought up the energy to cope. My family was together for four of these occasions. First Fathers Day on the first. Anniversary of my husbands death on the 10th. His birth date on 16th. It was a number of years into our marriage that his parents told us that he was actually born on the 16th. His father mistakenly wrote the 17th. which was the day that he registered his Birthday. They were very upset and reluctant to tell us because they thought we may be upset. We didn’t worry at all but our family would wish him well on the 16th. after that. The 17th. was his traditional Birthday which we  all got together to celebrate as that had been his day. It was also our Wedding Anniversary. I thought that somehow September let go it’s grip. Last weekend I felt tears flow freely and without thinking realised that we had watched 46 Grand Finals together and he wasn’t there to join in. We are not passionate followers but it was tradition. I now find myself in the past few days feeling worse than ever. I think September was just too much. It’s been five days in bed etc. Cancelled activities as too exhausted. I did message a dear friend who has helped just this evening.

[tyme]

Hi there @Patticake ,

Thank you for trusting the community to share a little about what's happening for you at the moment. It sounds like there has been a lot going on, and you are doing your best to stay afloat.

I'm hearing the grief you are experiencing and the brain fog that came with the loss. How you been able to talk to people to work through this grief?

There is no right or wrong way to grieve and it's important we make space for you to talk about your loved one.

I hear you can celebrate and remember your loved one including sitting down and watching the footy together. These are powerful moments, and it is understandable you felt teary. These are special moments for you to cling onto forever.

Allow yourself the time and space to grieve. We are here to listen.

Holding your hand, tyme

[Owlunar2]

Ow wow @Patticake 

A year is not long in a grief story and brain fog is not pleasant but normal  - it's actually our body protecting us through the tough parts  - and although September is over your system has to catch up with itself 

I found that the first year and the first anniversary to be the hardest  - there's no rules but yes - like many firsts it takes adjustment 

I have a run of dates through the middle of winter - including my birthday followed quickly by my son's anniversary  - it makes for a tough time  - I hear you and understand 

All my best thoughts 

Owlunar 

[MJG017]

Hi @Patticake.  It's weird isnt it.  You can be going along, feeling like you're in a better place mentally and then when you least expect it... it just hits you!  September obviously has a lot of memories for you that now makes it a very difficult time of year.  Even then, its so how to know when these things are going to hit us... or even just 'if'.   Which I think can make it feel worse when it hits.  It can lull us into a false sense of security by making us think its all okay, just to strike as soon as we start to feel a bit confident.

Take all the time you need to allow yourself to grieve.  Its do difficult because of all the good memories you had together so think of those and use them in your grief.  Share and talk about those memories, like the grand finals with those people around you.  Even here as well if you like.  We're all here sitting with you in this difficult time. 

[defaultusername]

Hey @Patticake,

Thank you for sharing with us, and I am very sorry for your loss, I can't begin to imagine how difficult it must be for you.

I'm sorry that you've been particularly struggling these past few days —  as @tyme mentioned, have you been able to access support during this time? Such as a mental health professional or even a friend that you can speak to?

That's lovely that your family were with you on each significant day throughout September, and I'm sorry that it was such a hard month for you. I think it's beautiful that you share so many memories with him…

We are always here for you when you need to vent or connect with someone.

Here are also some support services if you feel you need to speak to someone more in-depth:

Griefline Helpline - 8am to 8pm: 7 days (AEST/AEDT)
Ph: 1300 845 745
https://griefline.org.au/get-help/nationwide-telephone-support/ 

SANE Support Line - Monday to Friday 10am - 8pm (AEST/AEDT)
Ph: 1800 187 263
https://www.sane.org/get-support 

Take care and try to be kind to yourself right now 🧡

Hope to hear from you soon.

[Patticake]

Thank you everyone for your support.

[Patticake]

Thank you @tyme I virtually just rested all of the past week. I have done more today which is good. Thank You for your helpful words.

[Patticake]

Thank you @Owlunar2 It has certainly been tough. I feel better today after a week of lazing from exhaustion.

[Patticake]

Thank you @MJGO17 . I do feel better today. I hope that I can get back to some sort of routine this week.

[Patticake]

Thank you @defaultusername. A great name by the way. It is great to have support from here. Thank you also for the Helplines.