For many people there is a definite link between creativity and their schizophrenia. Some of my writing was quite beautiful when I was ill and I miss that very much.
Every so often a small flicker of that creative light emerges, more like an ember really.
However having that talent is not worth enduring all the other negative aspects of schizoaffective, so I tend to trade off being well as against being more creative.
The way I look at it, is that I am still creative but that little part of me is hibernating to be resurrected at the right time, whenever I feel that should be.
Its a bit like when I am manic, I love the euphoria and thrill of it all, but the crash is devastating.
Nevertheless there are aspects of schizophrenia that I embrace and I have stridently avoided in categorising the condition as being negative, as most of the rest of society does.
Medication is a difficult topic. I hate aspects of it. However without it I would be uncontrollable. Not violent or anything near that but not really part of society.
I am sure you know how difficult it can be with the voices, delusions, hallucinations and the running commentary, all whilst you are trying to be a member of society-almost impossible.
I take a fairly lethal dose of medication over the whole day but I have quite gotten used to it now. I do get tired and can lack motivation though.
I started volunteering at an animal shelter and also with animal rescue and wild life care group. Its amazing how having something alive relying on you to feed-water-walk or whatever motivates you.
I thought I would die of a broken heart when I started looking after rescue animals, but once I realised what I did made a difference I put some serious effort into it. I still cry over some of the things I see, but what I do does help.
Likewise I help out at the MH clinic sometimes especially for those people who have no one and have been treated badly in so many ways.
I also have a new friend who is schizophrenic and blind, so I go shopping with him a bit and read to him quite often now.
The world doesn't have to end with schizophrenia. I founds its all about what motivates me enough to push me forward.
I refuse to give in to the sleep monster and haul myself out of bed no matter what. Anyway my schizophrenic housemate who never seems to sleep, makes so much noise all the time, you have to get out of bed.
There are many things, that only we know about which can move us forward. Its discovering what these are and applying them that may make a difference.
In my case it is because someone/something is relying on me for support and I cant be late. There is no reason that you cant be creative as that is a talent that is inherit.
Looking at the world through untreated schizophrenic eyes can be a magical experience, a world filled with gossamer and ecstasy, an addictive elixir. No wonder some of us don't want to lose that.
