Hi @Appleblossom.
Im not sure what happened but reading between the lines there was a conflict. I know how these conflicts can upset us. If you want the truth from me Apple I think you just need to keep being you. We all have our different styles on here but it’s always easy to see who is writing from the heart. I think it’s important to try and put ourselves in others shoes, but because of the diversity on the forum that’s not always so easy to do. Our diversity is what keeps the forum so strong and supportive to every once in a while it gets tricky for lots of different reasons but really has worked out well so far. I think many of us try to meet in the middle a bit which is really helpful. That culture takes time and effort. Maybe what ever happened was from someone not used to it. I say culture knowing their may be people cringing but the truth is I think there is a culture here that is positive and supportive and a great place to learn and share.
So here I am to say youve got this and whatever happened was just a glitch. We are here to support you and have your back as you can see from many responses. Thinking of you Apple.
Found this artist I’ve gone a bit nuts downloading his work.
For you 💜🤗
Hi @Appleblossom, I just want you to know I'm hearing you and am here if you need to vent. 
You have always been very supportive in my journey, I want you to know that it goes both ways my friend. x
Thanks @outlander but I am recycling a lot.
Sort of .. if I see them a lot they will paint themselves on my retinas while I am meditating. lol I learn about art and my ancestor's history. A good thing about the internet.
@Queenie You are both on the edge and yet so strong. I think we both see the MH field as bigger than our own particular needs and stories. Yet also the need to share from personal experience and be authentic.
I feel I am seen as endlessly resilient perhaps by some mods .. not sure. Knock her down she will pop up like a bowling pin. In some ways my like has really been like that ... lol ...put more expectation on her, weigh her down, let her shovel through it all ... there she is up again ...all for free. hmmmm.
Being a "newbie" in about 17 schools made the "new kid on the block" experience a big issue for me, and I was very conscious about inclusion when posting.
Also a newbie re taking ownership of feminine side .... whatever that actually is ...
Weird that my current sense of stability came through work ... company director of IT co for 8 years, house reno, public servant in 3 diff C'wealth departments, lots work in hospitality, community and education, private and public sectors.
Looking back over my life and my family. I loved my family the way a 6 year old dragged away by DHS will always love and understand her family. So a little stuckness and idealism. A lot of you have read and heard my story. When I first posted here I felt invisible and very raw. That has changed. I do feel heard. Thank you ALL. I hope son comes through that door soon. I just want everybody to be happy.
@Appleblossom I get what you are saying about the bowling pin expectation. However, at the end of the day, EVERYONE (mods included) must realise we are here due to vulnerabilities and more than a few chinks in our mental armour. I'll share something that my old psychologist shared with me "Blessed are those without expectations for they are never disappointed". I come here without expectation (or I try to come here without it), mainly because I recognise we are here as a collective of individuals all journeying our own (sometimes difficult) paths. I would hope that mods would think the same of us? I do notice there is an expectation there, especially towards community elders to support and support and support, much to their own end. Perhaps we could take a leaf out of Indigenous culture and show the respect that you, as an elder, so rightly deserves?
I'll leave this painting by Francoise Nielly here. She is currently my favourite artist. I am trying to copy her technique with palette k*ives and oil paint.
Be kind to yourself Apple.
