Fragile

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @Emelia8 @Dimity @rav3n 

I tag a little but try and keep it relevant and be careful not to bother people too much 

I figured this thread is relatively short for the length of time I have been posting.

In some ways it is a journal but it really helps to share and have people joining in and reduce my isolation 

my hands are playing up….using ice…to reduce inflammation 

[Appleblossom]

Yes @rav3n I definitely try to reduce other people’s pain and stress 

[Dimity]

Your poor hands @Appleblossom 

I trust piano playing keeps them mobile and doesn't exacerbate the pain

My thinking is still woolly after my relapse but I sympathise with your wish to be centred in your thread. Caring for your son and yourself deserves your focus. I look forward to your posts although they're less frequent now. If that's a sign you're coping better, I can't complain.

Take care.

[rav3n]

@Appleblossom please don't think you're bothering anyone by tagging them. i think people care and appreciate you more than you know.

i like how you treat this thread like a journal. i feel very privileged to be able to share this space with you. thank you 💜

[Appleblossom]

Thanks @rav3n 

it’s good getting to know,you 

@Dimity 

yes… the issues around hand overuse for musicians… is huge and tricky…I think I must have been playing music with too big a stretch for my hands… I have already cut out loud big chords…

I have been working towards an exam qualification… loathe to drop it… still trying to do a workaround … also organ at church and small projects 

[Dimity]

@Appleblossom I know how important your music is to you. Hopefully you can find alternate fingerings or harmonisations - not everyone has the handspan of a Rachmaninov.

Good on you for pursuing the exam qualification.  I hope you sail through it.

[Appleblossom]

I will give it another 6 months @Dimity of self care plus preparation. If I am not ready by then I will have to let it go as unreasonable for me.

my family of origin and I had to do too much self sacrifice and work… through difficult circumstances…. I try and be careful not to self harm by over working… but it’s hard to honestly tell what is enough or too much…. 

it’s partly why I am watching SBS…. I don’t watch much anymore … I tried to build a life 

YES, it is probably a sign things are going better…. That I don’t post as much as I used to 

@Emelia8 @rav3n @tyme 

[rav3n]

@Appleblossom i've edited it now 😊

[Appleblossom]

I finished Sweet As

many triggering bits …so I took it in about 4 slices

worth it

was glad it contained many skin colours … 2 teens with fair skin and 2 with coloured skin

was glad the duty of care re sexuality was subtly directed 

definitely my demographic …. Troubled teens, real abandonment and protection issues 

suicidal fears and tendencies 

I loved the scenery of the Pilbara…. Which I saw first in slides…. At uni In 1983…. But I never got to travel much since my marriage …. Maybe one day I will get there 

and then the slides at the end…. Yes, my brother, yes white boys do suffer and do act on thoughts

the protagonist did some things which were testing but the script was rich and not too artificial ….though more optimistic than my life 

sadly… my mother never knelt or ever cared about my work, study or creativity…. I was only to obey, or be mocked. I was the one who had to kneel 

I am glad film made it to Berlin film festival … glad the director went to tNational Geographic…

films without depth don’t interest me at all 

@rav3n @tyme @Jynx have any of you watched “Sweet As” on SBS?

[Dimity]

In my family of origin we had to plough our own furrow too @Appleblossom , against a background of intergenerational trauma, dysfunctional family life and experience of CSA. But the boys fared much better than the girls, if cruelty and complacency don't blight life success, while the girls ended up with c-ptsd.

I'm sure if diligence and resolve count for anything your piano and organ studies will succeed - especially if your physio team can help with neck and hand problems.  Good luck.