First timer searching for hope

[Doogz]

Hi all,

I write with a tear in my eye as I feel so low am unsure how to get out of it.  I've been seeing a psychiatrist for 7 months now but feel I'm at my worst.

Not sure exactly what to write as feeling a victim and ditesting myself for this.  I haven't read too much on this site however if somebody has a similar story or knows of somebody who's been alike.  Please let me know.

Doogz

[kristin]

Hello @Doogz 

A warm welcome to the forums! I'm sorry you are struggling so much at the moment. You mention you've been seeing a psych for 7 months - how do you find them? Eg: Compassionate, caring, distant, a good listener, dismissive? Are you feeling like seeing them is helping? If you don't it may be the psych is not right for you, or it may be that sometimes things get worse before they get better. In my experience this is especially so if we've experienced trauma, more so if it's childhood trauma. 

So please try not to detest yourself. I can promsie that will be unhelpful to you. You might try instead to be compassionate as you would to a good friend who is going through a very hard time through no fault of their own.

You mention feeling like a victim, this is not uncommon. We have a medical (and especially mental health) system which tends to pathologise everything. In my experience this does a lot of damage. I wish I could help more. Perhaps you might feel comfortable sharing a bit more of what you are struggliing with, have you been given any diagnosis, if so was that helpful and seem right or not? It is very hard to offer you support without knowing a bit more about what you are struggling with.

If you don't feel comfortable with doing that (which is fair enough) you might like to familiarise yourself with others on the forum and some of their journey, especailly if they have a common diagnosis or experience with you. For example you could try searching the forums for depression, or PTSD, bipolar or BPD; trauma or CSA - these are just a few of the possibilities. Feel free to contribute or ask questions on any of the "threads" you find.

In the meantime be welcome, and I'm sure some of the others will "drop in" to say welcome you as well.

Kindest regards, 

Kristin

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Doogz 

Welcome to Forums! It can be pretty challenging writing your first post. Many people are not sure where to start or who to talk to. But us Forums members are always happy to help.

We happy to point you in the the right direction and point out suggestions once we know what is you're looking for.

In the mean time, I'd like to introduce some of our senior contributors. You've met @kristin all ready.  There's also @Alessandra1992 @kato @PeppiPatty @peace @hiddenite @Former-Member and @SCORPION to name a few. Some of they may be able to relate to what you're going through. 

Hope to see more of you around on the Forums.

CB 

[coffeegirl]

Hi @Doogz 

Did you manage to have a bit of a look around the Forums? If you did, you would now know that you are not alone.

While 7 months seems like a LONG time, it's important to be kind to yourself and not put too much pressure on yourself to be 'well'. The fact that you have reached out for help and are visiting a psychiatrist is great.

Have you shared this with your psychiastrist?

How are things going now?

[peace]

@Doogz hello. My story is only simular of knowing despair, saddness and a dead emptiness deep within. I am managing ok most days thanks to medication. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for near on 8 years and been seeing a psychologist on and off for 20. Its been a long and windy road. Learning management skills and finding like minded people is so very helpful
Hang in there Doogz it will improve.

[kenny66]

It took me a long time before I started improving but I eventually did. 7 months is not long at all to see results. Unfortunately MI is characterised by longevity.

I found that once that feeling of being completely lost and hopeless emerged it was very hard to shake.

I knew I was improving when I started to actually look forward to my visits to the psych.

It is a very difficult process to engage with an MI (even with support) and implement strategies to alleviate the more distressing aspects of it. The results are often so mixed.

I don't know how many times my heart sank when I could not achieve even a sliver of mood improvement, no matter what I did.

I worked very hard with my MI team to reverse my dogged belief that I was a victim, eviscerated by my experience of sexual and physical abuse as a child. I didn't want to be impotent, empowering these. thoughts.

That was a difficult battle because my MI took away my judgement of self worth and value, diminishing my persona, almost invisible.

Persist with your psych to develop strategies to deal with your MI.

I had many low times whilst working through the great big basket of complex emotions, thoughts, experiences and despair, which whilst they might define us, can also open avenues to confront and deal with the negative aspects of them.

This can only be done in concert with your health professional, and things do improve.

all the best

Kenny

[Gothgirl39]

Hi Doogz

I'm glad you wrote & I hope you find your psychiatrist helpful & easy to talk to; perhaps if you feel like you are getting worse, ask your psychiatrist for a referral to a psychiatric hospital where you can see him/her on a regular basis would feel better, as I found spending time away from my everyday stressors to be a relief even for only 21 days (for me this was 02/05/14 - 23/05/14)

Best wishes

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Doogz

How are you this morning?
am wondering also.........
Would having a coffee in the reception after the appiontment would help?.
I have a feeling that you have had a good sense of self and just relaxing for 5-10 mins after your appointment.....just to keep yourself in 'control,' could help you feel more in control?

Would this be something that you would do?
could you ask your psychiatrist if you can do this?

[Doogz]

Hi Kristin,

I apologise for the delay.  And thank you so much for writing!  

I've been told i have a pshchosis and I'm  currently suffering from post psychotic depression.  I must say things have eased since i first wrote last week.  I do however feel very lazy for not doing much.

I guess my biggest challenge is accepting there is something wrong with me! The thought that i have a mental illness is quite embarrassing for me.  Which i guess is why I shut myself off from the world.

As for my psychiatrist - my wife and I have both thought of seeing somebody else and actually have a referral for someone, however haven't done anything as yet. I see him tomorrow and will have a chat about things though as we don't seem to get too much information from him.  

I hope this sheds some light. Many thanks again

Doogz

[Doogz]

HI Coffeegirl,

Thanks for your support.  I have had a bit of a look around the forums now.  It's been very helpful and yes I do share all my thoughts with my psychiatrist.

My last week has been better as a whole although a little up and down at times.

Kind regards,

Doogz