BPD keeps biting

[shanc]

Hi everyone,

I am struggling!! Hadn't drunk a thing for a few months and the second my family go away for Easter I have knocked back many beers.  In my head telling myself it was ok because I wasn't trying to get drunk and wasn't being destructive, like I have in the past.  I get it.. Drinking alone doesn't help but I enjoy it.  I live with my parents while I'm studying and would never have a sip of booze if they were here. 

Plus I have problems with relationships and through therapy I am understanding more.  My kindness often gets taken advantage of.  A friend I have known for 25 years is one of them and its hard to come to terms with.  Two messages witing minutes asking me to babysit Friday night and next wednesday.

Another close relationship the person only rings me when she wants me to do soemthing for her.  That is a tough one and working with my therpapist.

My mum thinks nothing is wrong although I self harm and fight negative thoughts.  That another tough one I'm working at.  No one has seen the damage I have done to my quads.

The three relationships I care the most about are causing lots of stress and pain.  Soon there will be no one left as I have cut off so many friends.  It's all a confusing mess and after having to schedule an emergency session with my psychiatrist as I was having a bad patch, the work seems endless.  Sorry to be so negative 🙂 

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @shanc
Good on you for getting help through self activation..It is great that you have made that appointment because you've recognised that you don't want to continue the way you have been.
Are the quads your quadriceps? Are you going to let your psych know about that?
The good news about friends is that you can change your response to your thoughts around them. So one angle might be..I must be pretty damn special because my best friend trusts me to babysit her children..maybe I will agree to one night of babysitting because I enjoy getting away fromum and dad's for a few hours.
Because believe me, mums don't let anyone babysit their kids..
Do you get along well with her children? sometimes my boys beg for a particular friend to come over because she is so much fun around them..she is the fun auntie whilst I am nagging mum 🙂

I do get the not wanting to feel used..but maybe that is not her intention. Asking twice is cheeky..maybe you can say yes to one, or you can say no to both because you probably have uni deadlines..

Something to ponder...But good on you for booking that appointment and reaching out here 🙂

[shanc]

@Alessandra1992
Thank you for your post.
Yeah my quadriceps and my psychiatrist knows about it and have shown her. I saw a physcoligist for a year and then into my current psychiatrist and I like her. I try and he honest with her.

It is a constant stream of babysitting requests. I love her kids and have many times looked after them. Just seems to be the main cause of contacting me. She is known for lectures and keeps telling me to not study education, to sell my unit and go travel overseas. Which I have spent years working on doing the opposite. I am known for taking off when things get tough and taking off overseas.

I will work the next few days and then see my last Friday. Thanks again for taking the time to respond. I appreciate it

[Alessandra1992]

Ah well now you have explained a bit more..maybe fair enough that you maybe not babysit..and how odd that she says not to study...
I rarely if ever ask friends to look after my kids unless I can reciprocate as I feel that is not fair...
There is a site find a baby sitter.com.au and maybe you could point your friend to that website..$20 an hour is average rate..more for weekends etc..
Your time is as valuable as hers..
Maybe catch up for a coffee with no kids? I cherish my coffee dates with friends precisely because I need adult time 🙂

[Jynxme]

Hi @shanc 

My heart feels for you, rough patches are draining, confusing and exhausting. Kindness if often taken for granted, used and abused or overlooked. But thats what makes it so special, because a truly wonderful caring person continues with their kindness regaurdless. That makes them the best people out there. For sure its not easy and not nice when it is over looked and you feel used but dont let it get you down because YOU are a good person.

One thing i often find is that with having BPD we tend to think on the small things that some others overlook, we wonder, stress, take things to heart and beat ourselves up about things that others dont think on. Its like being on an AM station while everyone else operates on FM.

Good on you! for going so long without alcohol. Dont feel down about having drinks over easter, its a learning curve. You are learning your triggers, limits and what best works for you.

Take care

-Jynxme