letting go

[greenpea]

How do parents of special needs kidults learn to let go. i have been micromanaging for so long i dont know how to stop. 

[StuF]

Hey @greenpea 

Only just saw this! It's too easy to mostly only look at the 'usual' threads.

Anyway, no answers to your query, unfortunately. But I'm assuming others will be able to assist further. Hope your NYE day is going well 🙂

[greenpea]

@StuFits hard StuF.  thank you for your replyxx

[Gwynn]

Hi @greenpea 🙂 I'm glad you're asking about this kind of stuff, it's hard. You're always going to be your kiddo's mum, but I guess just sitting and breathing with your feelings might be a thing? Shifting from parent to advisor can be hard, particularly when your kiddo 'has special needs' and has that extra disability admin. Maybe that kind of reframing things might help? Like, now is when they can start to learn 'adulting' (I think it's called 'doing adult tings' now....) while you're still around to act as an advisor. Also, maybe as you step back, you could do something you've always wanted to do in some way - something that supports you. I'm sorry if this feels as generic as all getout, but I do mean to be supportive.

[greenpea]

@Gwynn  thanks Gwynn you are right of course.  i have to get this right while i am capable of doing it.  i won't be around forever so i have to make him as capable as he can be for his own sake.  it is painful letting go.

[Gwynn]

There’s also joy in seeing your little man navigate life with what you’ve taught him. 🙂 There’s also joy in being able to spend time with him because he wants to, not because he’s dependent on you.

There is pain, but there is also joy, and you are strong enough to savour the joys as well as weather the bitter side of the bittersweet.

[Gwynn]

Realistically, services for your son may treat you as the primary client and him as the object to be improved.

A very practical way to help him with that is for you to be able to spot this dynamic when it happens and be his ally: perhaps by gently asking your son for his opinion on everything that should be his decision as an adult and demonstrating that he is the client. ???

[TOXICONE]

hi @greenpea 

i also would like to know i have an almost 19yr old i just don't know how to let her go do things alone with carers with anyone. i have never let others in to help with her caring needs. she has just graduated yr12 last year and now I'm even worse 😞 

i know it's not fair on her but i don't know how-to let go 

@TOXICONE 

[greenpea]

@TOXICONE   its hard isn't it.  i think i need therapy tbh.  i have a mental health nurse who says i am doing well but if i see him with dirty hair or teeth not brushed i freak out.  i mean these carers at these supported living houses get paid well and it is their job to look after their clients.  it just makes me so sad.  i love my son.

[greenpea]

@Gwynn   ahh he is stroppy and has told the carers off on the occasion.   he has threatened them too .... you know what Gwynn i didnt drink, smoke or take drugs and yet i have this young man with autism, schizophrenia, epilepsy and a intellectual delay.  i feel for him as he is intelligent enough to realise what he is missing.