Lived Experience Forum

[Owlunar]

@tonys 

Hi Tony on Moon Base One

I love your story - and it makes so much sense. I would like to be in Town A with the Rainbow people - that would be a great place to be exactly who I am - that's the way I live pretty much - I love our culture.

But Miss Daisy - her soul withering away - I really feel that - how many people are out there unable to find their way into Town A for whatever reason? That is something else to think about - do people really need to pay to enter such a wonderful place?

Look after yourself Tony and keep writing - I enjoy reading it

Owlunar

[Owlunar]

Hi @MDT 

There is no need to conform if it costs too much - for years I put up with the form of a situation to get the content - now I am pretty much alone - and enjoy my own company.

I am a friendly soul though - people seem to be chattier since the lockdowns Melbourne had a world record for - no great honour I must say - I tend to get along with most people - of course there are exceptions.

One thing I know is that loneliness doesn't draw people together. I have learned to keep away from parties that are put on to give isolated people a bit of Christmas spirit. Some people try too hard - getting bailed up with someone with a lot to say about nothing is hard to tolerate - actually - it's feels grievous to my soul to know someone is so lonely they can't stop talking and do they want my opinion? I really don't know. So I don't go anymore.

Hey - you know - if people say it's been a long time since they saw you the reverse is true. It's been a long time since you saw them - and I hear you - they seem disinterested. Perhaps they are. How disenchanting! Actually - that's a good thing - being aware of the lack of depth in small talk for the sake of something to fill the air with.

Being a good colleague is a good thing to be. We go to work to work - socialisation happens at times - sometimes we can have a good chat at a break and find a kindred spirit - usually when we are not looking.

And to be honest I have left people behind through my life - my daughter has lived in this area all her life and has friends she went to kindergarten with - my family moved around a lot and I worked in the city for years with friends all over Melbourne - I lost contact with them as time passed - moving on in my life means I need to make friends when I start again somewhere else - and socially - keeping it light is the best way to manage until I find a kindred spirit - and there is usually one somewhere - sometimes more.

I believe the secret is in being friendly and not trying - and wait and see - maybe the people who are trying too hard haven't figured it out yet - and time will change - especially if you are a good colleague.

All the best - my friend

Owlunar

[MDT]

Well said @Owlunar

I agree with all you said.

Trying to overcompensate the loneliness with being too friendly- yes I do recall people like this at meetups.

When there is internal insecurity I think this can manifest in over doing it - people overshare, expect a lot from other people all to plug that gap.

I think I would rather wrestle with that gap that fill it with something fake. In all my wrestling I have found that the gap is not as large as I had originally thought

It was just that I was conditioned to think there was a gap that was so large...

I think my generation is struggling with a lot because of the perception that there is something wrong with them if they don't follow the crowd

Recently I caught myself out realising that I've never been a crowd follower and so why would I start now at the age of 29?

To be kind to oneself is hard. But I'm learning. Or maybe I'm past learning and I have learned but I'm just not doing it. There isn't much incentive to be good ourselves but there shouldn't be should there ? We ought to just do it.

I read in my psych notes yesterday that I have a tendency to intellectualise things - I'm realising I need at outlet for that and so a masters could be the answer.

Bur right now I need some breakfast. HVe been for a walk and swim and coffee. Sun is going to be shy today.

See you around

[Owlunar]

Hi again @MDT 

This is so true

 my generation is struggling with a lot because of the perception that there is something wrong with them if they don't follow the crowd.

Actually - I don't know if it's just your generation or a lot of people - crowd following might just be easier - but not the best method of enjoying our lives.  

It's not easy being unique but so - so - so much better - 

We might be alone at times - sometimes lonely even - and alone we have time to create and revise what we create - and our best work is on ourselves.

In the years I have known you - you have been a battler. You have a mind and some of the company you have endured in your workplaces has not been conducive to accepting differences. It's been a struggle for you. And maybe at home things have not been that easy either. I never really got on with my mother who was always concerned with what other people thought - how nerve-wracking for her - how boring for me - I love being unique.

If we really knew about the lives of the great thinkers in our history - the poets, the scientists, people like Nelson Mandela, King George VI, Florence Nightingale - I could go on - we would find that people battled because they took the road less travelled and ignored the crowd-followers because they could see something better - something special - whatever it was.

And you are 29. I am nearly 80. At your age I had two very young children - babies really - and I was a stay-at-home mum - I was happy being a mother but housework? - I did it but I hated it. As soon as my kids were old enough, I continued my education and went to work when I could. I believe I was a better mother because I had a life for myself.

But yes - I had my may-sayers - and one of them was my mother. So - I hear you - my life was certainly different - but I was challenged too. Still - I am happy with my life - it was worth living. It's worth remembering.

Time will pass and you will look back on your life and I am sure you will find it interesting - I am sure you will find your place and your platform. Everything you do adds to the person you are becoming - and it's worthwhile.

All the best

Owlunar.

[Appleblossom]

@Owlunar @MDT 

Adapt Adapt Adapt.

I did not have a clue who I was. I probably tried too hard.

Had chats at exercise class and went for coffee.  Seem like a lot of people are trying to get social after the pandemic. Much more mouthy these days.  Never used to know what to say,  Still listen to lots of stories, including sad stories.  Mostly I can say something apt, where I used to be shy and tongue tied a lot. My basic personality has not really changed, the environment always changed, I barely knew which way was up. I have hung in there, and made my choices and done me reading so a lot more feisty verbally.  I was probably too much a pushover, in that I always withdrew and saved my energy for work or study or family, and barely watched tv.  Nowadays they are into book groups... Yippee.  Not that I really want to join any, been there done that, but I know some books they are talking about... Der ...I never knew the tv shows, pop songs or bands "everyone" used to talk about.

At least these days I do and have big roomy bag to play my different cards. 

Ha ha Maybe that can be an advantage of having LOTS of baggage.

Maybe I really will have a late blooming.

Not worried about hanging around for a long time any more, trying to make it more of a good time. lol

[Shaz51]

@Appleblossom , @Owlunar , @MDT , @tonys , @Dimity , @EternalFlower , @StuF , @Faith-and-Hope , @TAB , @tyme , @amber22 , @FloatingFeather 

very interesting @Appleblossom 

I think I have changed so much over the years

after reading the comments i have realized i am and have lost myself somewhere in the past which is sad actually -- ( so my mum keeps telling me )

i am becoming more  introverted due to have a introverted husband who does not like interacting and socializing 

[MDT]

Hey @Owlunar
Agreed so much. Its hard to be unique - but the alternative ? Mediocrity. Hell no says I. Not too sure if you've read brave new world ? The part where John the savage opts out the idealised society is one of the most important literary moments for me. I remember reading it and feeling so happy with myself. And my choices.

AH yes I forgot you have been around the forum for some time. I forgot you knew me already and my story. A battler you say? Thank you my friend. I do appreciate that.

My old manager/mentor had some very wise words for me. He had not completed his final year exams at school in the UK. At rhe age of 20 he went back to tech college to complete them and then do an undergrad and then do a masters. Now he is at the forefront of an emerging industry well beyond the 8 ball that some of the biggest companies in the field have. Usually it is the people who have different trajectories in life that are the ones who SHOUOD be envied. They are not. And how good that is I think. He had some good advice for me when I needed it.

I think there comes a time where we flick on a switch and become thinking adults. I think I switched this on long ago when my sister was ill. I was no older than 16. Such a young age to switch that on. However i think I switched it off for abit and then switched it on again.
Maybe the work I do in my industry and how I see a darker side to humanity has forced that switch on again. In terms of parents - they have jokingly flagged the idea that my partner could get a PR (she's not australian) through marriage. I said nothing. My partner and I are content with where things are at and we don't let sby expectations force us into choices. There is a lot of similarity between us in terms of our approach to life. Independent but also open to others. There is a streak to her that I don't like, but I imagine she has thr same about me. What relationship DOESNT have that?
She lost her sister at a young age and I told her something on the anniversary of her sisters death - the ones we love never truly leave us. She was touched by this. It is true though. They don't. Even my sister/brother (I don't know which as my mum neve found out about the sex of the stillbirth she had) I feel for. He or she was there and was very much a part of my parents life. I was never made aware of his or her existence. But part of me aches for his or her loss - kinda strange to describe. But its also different to say the way I would feel had I lost my sister when she was young. Or indeed how my sister would have felt had I taken my own life. There is a lot of death prematurely and randomly in my mums family. She is estranged from them now. But I feel it for her. She is a strong women. Right now I'm reading Seneca's letter on the shortness of life and he writes a letter to his mum who went through a great deal. I'm inspired by it and will read it with personal affect I think.

I love how you say you are happy with your life. I must must keep remembering to remind myself of how far I had come since end of school in 2011. While I may still live at home - I am not the same person. And most of the choices I made in that era of my life have been self directed. The first being my choice to chase something I was interested in.
I feel that an interview I had recently- I had to prove my choices to someone. I had to justify my choices. It was like I was looked down on. Fortunately I am not in need of the job. I interviewed there this time last year and failed to prepare for it. Now I find myself in a role that pays more and is arguably more demanding. And I'm learning. 😎 that's all that matters aye?

Apologies for my musings.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Shaz51 

I'm sorry to hear that - however I am not surprised.

It must be so difficult to manage with your health issues - and your mum and Mr Shaz - who seems to have had thoughts of being a version of Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

This has to be hard - I don't know how you manage - well - now I think I get it - you have become more introverted to cope with all of this - I'm not too sure what to say - 

For me - since I separated from my ex I have been able to become more myself - it hasn't been easy - still - worthwhile.

It has been the right thing for me - it would not be for everyone. I care Shaz - I know you had a business before you got married and life has been difficult for Mr Shaz with all sorts of challenges and losses.

I wish you the best and know it's anything but easy.

I care.

Owlunar

[Shaz51]

thank you ,my forum mum @Owlunar 

yes i did things back to front 

the abuse i went through when i was little ( mum said that was not good ) so we left 

then we moved into gran`s house to look after her 

and then my aunty and her 4 children moved in with us 

sorry getting off the track here 

but mum instill in me to be strong, independent , to strive in life , well i think i have done that 

i was in soo many things , done soo many thing ,,my own 2 business, travelled , ect 

and it is strange now as being nearly 59 , i am feeling 95% comfortable with life now even though there is a lot of ups and downs 

and i interact more on the forum and on social media which i have lots of friends interacting with me daily 

Hello @amber22 , how did you find socializing when you moved to Australia ? 

( sorry if i have croosed a line here @moderator ) 

[amber22]

Hello! @Shaz51 I found socialising to be quite difficult. I am from South Africa and the whole 'social culture' over there is very different. It is quite unsafe to go out at night and to go to certain places, even for walks by yourself, so the various adventures and social activities that could happen over here in Australia made me quite nervous to be honest! 

I of course am really thankful for the freedom now that I have been here for ten years 🙂 

My brother has trouble fitting in at school, he would get badly bullied for his accent and because he was 'different'. He struggled a lot more than I did. But he is a big and tough guy now that rose above it all, and I am so proud of him