Something happened to my husband!

[Karuna]

I’m seeking for help with my husband. We are married for more the 8 years now. It never was perfect but always love and care was there. Till 6 weeks ago my husband went to hospital with a heart problem and doctors put him on medication [Edited by moderator]. And I don’t have my husband anymore. It’s somebody else! He lost drive in living. What to divorce me, sleeping in different room. He cant held conversation, only screaming or crying! Often saying that can’t reason to live anymore, everyone using him. Cut off all friends and all activities ( fishing and football was his favourite). Saying that not interested in anything. Please help! 🙏🙏🙏. I tried to talk to him about changing medication but he blames me for any trying to help him. He refuses to get help. He knows that’s something wrong because he told me that he feels very empty but all he wants no in life to be alone forever. We dreamt together and walked together forward our dreams and everything gone. I know that’s not his. I feel so bad and broken that I don’t know how to help him. Thank you 🙏 

[Ru-bee]

Welcome to the forums @Karuna 

I'm so sorry to hear about what you and your husband are going through. It sounds like this has been such a confusing and distressing time for you both.

Your suggestion to review this medication is a good idea, though I hear he hasn't been very open to this. I wonder if these mood and personality changes were mentioned as possible side effects of this medication? 

It is so very difficult to support a loved one who is unwilling or unable to seek help, as we can't force them into recovery even though sometimes we might wish that we could. That being said, if you fear that he is at serious risk of hurting himself it's important to act by contacting crisis services such as Lifeline, a local mental health line, or 000 if it is an emergency.

In terms of what you can do to support him now, ensuring that he knows that you are there to talk and help him access supports when/if he feels ready, again suggesting talking to his doctor about a review of this medication, and most importantly ensuring that you are seeking support for yourself. This sounds like it is a very stressful and upsetting time, and it's important to take care of yourself where possible by reaching out to your network of friends and family, as well as using helplines like Beyond Blue, or through traditional therapy. 

You can't pour from an empty cup, as they say

[PeppyPatti]

Oh I agree @Ru-bee 

My partner and I really struggle with him choosing to do the therapy path compared to having a bad temper. 

Sometimes I just wonder if some people are satisfied to be dissatisfied. 

I'm wondering for your sake you need - 

A personal timetable for yourself to get into while your going through this time. 

Perhaps like 

7am......wake up 

7:25 shower 

7:45 coffee 

8 .15 walk around the block 

Etc for the day while things are truly tough. Just to keep you on track? 

Another thing - something I do when things are tough - 

Is check in with myself ? 

" Hey stop lady, let's rest and havva cuppa. 

And see your support people. My first support person was my GP. I don't have family to lean on. 

Who do you have ? How can you stay as safe as possible ? 

[Dimity]

Hello @Karuna welcome. It sounds very upsetting for both you and your husband.  Having a heart attack or other heart condition can be very frightening. 

The Heart Foundation has some resources for carers at https://www.heartfoundation.org.au/

I understand it's not uncommon for people to need psychological support. Your husband's gp is probably the key to getting the help he needs... especially if they're following up his heart condition.  But I know from experience how hard it can be to get mental health care for a family member. 

Look after yourself in the meantime and reach out to your own supports.

Take care,

Dimity