I can relate to much of what you're going through. My husband was diagnosed about 12 years ago, even though I knew from his behaviour patterns that he was in trouble a good two years beforehand. Even now my husband spends a lot of his time in denial.
The first thing I'm going to say is that, on a scale of 1 - 5, you come first, then your three children, then your husband. Sounds harsh doesn't it? The fact is your husband is now getting help outside the house. He has counselling and medication. It's time to look after you and your children. You don't say whether you work outside the house. If you don't, use the time he's at work as respite. Find a support group in your local area, join a craft group, a library - anything that is just for you - so you can find yourself again. I've found quilting for my creative outlet. When things used to get too much I'd just sink into a book, sometimes more than one, but since I've found my craft group, built my craft shed and started with my own counseller (this very recent) I now read for pleasure again, instead of as an escape from reality.
This is something I understand really well. It has taken me 12 years to get counselling just for me. I had been to see the psychologist with my husband for years. Not every visit after the first couple of months but certainly at least every second visit. Even though I now have my own counsellor I still go with my hubby for his psychologist appointments. The number of times I've wanted to tell my husband to "snap out of it" or "get over it and move on" are just beyond counting. Frustration levels reach above boiling point. Anger spikes every time he was rude, either because he'd been drinking or just because he wasn't coping, had to be controlled because arguing with him just made thing worse. I learned to wait for the next day when sobriety kicked in or for when he was feeling in the mood to talk to broach the subjects that were causing irritation, upset or pain. While it worked for me this won't necessarily work for you.
Attending appointments with your husband's psychologist is something I thoroughly recommend. It's easy for him to say that he's told the psychologist the truth but if you're not there you don't really know. The psychologist should encourage this also. Firstly it shows your support for your husband but secondly it gives two-way feedback so you both get out, in a neutral space, what you're both going through and helps to sort out coping mechanisms for you to work at together. Always remember, it's HIS illness but it's YOUR FAMILY'S problem.
These are all solutions that have worked for me. I hope that being part of these forums you'll be able to find something that will work for you. It's not an easy path we choose when we love someone with MI.
& I'm sure other members will have some insights to share - maybe @Cazzie @Used2Be and/or @PeppiPatty will have something to add?
