Getting help for my son?

[Nestles]

My son is 19 it has become increasingly evident over the last 12 months that he is suffering.  While I am very wary of google diagnosis the fact sheet I found on this website  regarding BPD describes my sons behaviour exactly. We have tried over the last year to get him to seek help, knowing that something is wrong, he admits that something is wrong, we thought it was depression, he knew it wasn't he told me as much and we see now it is not.  We have had several harrowing weeks, seeing him become homeless, living in his car, losing yet another job, smashing phones, car,  ruining job prospects and many many heated relentless rants for the few days he was camped in our yard.  We got him home in the hope it would help, I tried to help him put his life back together.  I encouraged him to see a doctor.  He let me drive him to the hospital two days ago then refused to go in, I took him to a GP he got out of the car. He walked home packed up his things and left.

He messaged me from the carpark of a local shopping centre, we went to get him.  He physically assualted my husband, who tried to calm him down.  He ran.  We brought his car home knowing he would come back, hoping we could talk to him,  he turned up holding an axe handle with nails protruding from one end.  He said he wasn't going to hurt anyone,  it was for self defense.  We have never hurt him.  We called the police he ran.  Several times I contacted the emergency mental health line and headspace trying to find a way to help him.  He came back for his car the next morning.  I left the keys out with a letter containing contact details of Headspace, and this website.  I told him we loved him and want him home, but this time he has to meet us half way and begin treatment.  I sent him the info through facebook, he has since blocked me.

So sorry for going on, I am scared for him, seeing the information here gives me hope that there is help for him.  I don't know what to do.  I feel helpless, and dumb, for not seeing this all sooner.  The signes were there when he was younger, when I had an opportunity to take him for assessment and care, when he was too young to refuse.  I thought he would grow out of it, it was a phase, he would be okay.  The realisation now that he won't be, ever ok on his own is heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time.  

I have laid down an ultimatum any ideas on seeing it through, getting him to seek help?

[Hobbit]

HI @Nestles ,

I'm Hobbit. Firstly, welcome to the forums. You will find a lot of wonderful people here that can offer you much in the way of support and practical advice.

It's a very hard situation you are in, and I really feel for you. It must feel terrible to see your son in this way. I want to reiterate the fact that this is not your fault, and that you are in no way to blame for not seeing things sooner. Things happen in life. They just do. That's about it, the simple fact of life.

I think the fact that you are reaching out for help to places like this is a really good sign, and the first step. I am confident that you will find help, there are many services out there that can help, believe me. 

Which state are you in Nestles? Perhaps we can search for some services nearby to you that might be able to help. You also might like to take a look at the BDP Foundation website - http://bpdfoundation.org.au/

In the meatime, let's see if some other members can offer you some insights - @Alessandra1992 @kristin @Rick  - would you guys have any advice for @Nestles ??

Hobbit.

[Alessandra1992]

@Nestles..welcome! There is hope aplenty on this forum and I would like to recommend a link posted on the lived experience forum, what BPD feels like. Maybe one of the moderators can repost, I think @Che posted the link..

Also I don't think its true that he won't be able ok on his own..maybe right now he is experiencing mental health decline but it may not always be this way.

Tips on getting him to accept help, well that is the tricky part...if only bribery worked... keep doing what you have been doing, providing him with brochures or web links is a great way to keep him informed..

Has he got a party city lar friend who's opinion he values? As sometimes we will listen to our friends over our parents...

[Alessandra1992]

That last paragraph was meant to say, a particular friend he values..not necessarily a friend he parties with!!

[Jacob101]

Hi Leigh ... It's tough witnessing someone in that state, especially for the first time . It freaked me out the first time I dealt with my ex (I'm still his carer) in a pychosis. What u describe seems to be a fairly extreme episode ... Turning up with the axe... Problem is if the situation becomes volatile a weapon may just may be used. It is important to keep reassuring someone of your love and concern but one 'breakthrough' moment of advice I read is to never try and convince someone in a pychosis that what they are experiencing is not real. Obviously that is a natural response. After I read this I used this technique when my partner was manic at 2 am, complaining of the noises and people yelling at him, mocking him, talking about him, 'betting' on him. So my approach was to tell him that this is terrible what is happening to him and I wanted to help to make it stop and that maybe we could after a good sleep sit down to work out ways to stop it. Sometimes it worked to calm him down to a point where he would let me give him some sleeping tablets. Look, it didn't work all the time but I think the point is to always try and understand what they think is happening because it is absolutely real to them. Other advice would be just to stay clear if he does have weapon. I know you don't want to get police involved but really if he has a weapon, and bearing in mind it is best to get him to a hospital, than police will usually intervene when he is like that. Finally, I know it's hard but might be best if he not driving in that state. Does he have a group of mates that perhaps u could approach to make them aware of the situation so they recognise his behaviour and can also look out for him? Does he have girl friend? Sometimes switched on young people can be a good way to encourage other youth to get help. Please look after yourself. Some days are tough! Cheers Jacob

[Rick]

@Nestles 

Hello Nestles my name is Rick.

My goodness, you sound very tired and worried for your lad. I really do feel for you. It is so difficult as a parent to see your child struggling and stumbling and there you are not able to just make it go away.

I have been a youth worker for over 15 years and I can tell you are not alone. Not in your desire to fix this and not, unfortunately alone in this actually being an issue. Mental illness whatever the reason or cause is mysterios and frightening in the way it can change a persons behaviour.

I'd just like to reinforce that what you describe is most likely behavior predicated by illness. This is not really what your boy is. It is an illness.

If I may be blunt now,

I believe a person who behaves as you describe might well be in need of assessment and a safe place. Do not rely on a diagnosis you've found on google. This could be more complex than you are aware, and therefore a professional clinician should assess and in time diagnose a condition if appropriate.

His described behaviour appears erratic and any competent clinician would consider his illness based behaviour to be a danger to himself and perhaps to others. I am loath to say this, because you son may not understand, but I would hazard to say based on my own experience with troubled young people, that you might consider informing the police and explaining your concerns.

The thing to remember, if you choose this action, is that the police would compassionately transport your son to a mental health unit, he would be assessed by an Acute Care Team, and if they felt he needed intervention they would like to gain an involuntary patient order if he would not agree to an admission for assessment..

http://www.mhrt.nsw.gov.au/civil-patients/involuntary-patient-orders.html

This would be done under The Mental Health Act of 2007, below is a community mental health link that describes the process.

http://mhrm.mhcc.org.au/chapter-4/4c.aspx

Now let me say I am not a doctor, I am not a mental health nurse, I could not be considered an expert in any way. 

What I have said is simply an opinion and you should get a another from a preofessional. Try these help lines for advice or call your local hospital or the police and be frank. If you fear for his wellbeing or that of others he may come into contact with to get good advice would be doing yourself and your son a favour.

Lifeline Australia home 13 11 14 - Crisis Support and ... 

Lifeline 13 11 14 (for all ages)

MensLine Australia
1300 78 99 78

1800 18 SANE (7263)

Lastly let me say Nestles you are a good parent. The fact that you are asking questions from your deep concern speaks to the quality of your humanity. Do not beat yourself up about any of this. No one yet has figured out how to devine the future. But present sight is so very important. And that is what you have used. You are to be commended so do not condemn yourself for something that is not in your power to control.

Be hopeful. Because hope does in fact endure, Bless you

Rick

[Nestles]

Hello Rick,
Thank you for your kind and supportive words, it really does help. I have contacted the Mental Health Emergency line here in WA and they have recorded the situation in his file on the public health record, I am told it will come up for what ever reason he is admitted for.
The police in our area also have the incident and our concerns for his mental health on file and they promised to keep an out for him too. Saying that I think I will visit the local station and talk to them. My goal is to get him help. I have been in touch with an organisation called 'Headspace' here in WA they are a youth focused mental health centre close by, they also have a wonderful phone counselling service for parents. I wouldn't of got through this last week without them.
Thank you again Rick, your words really mean a lot.

[Nestles]

Thank Hobbit, I can already see what a precious resource I have stumbled on. It really means the world. I am in WA, I have been in touch with Headspace and the Mental Health Emergency and I will look into bpdfoundation.org next.
Thanks again

[Nestles]

Hi Sandy,
Thank you for your reply. That is a good idea about a friend, he does have a close friend I can contact through facebook - anything is worth a try.

Thank you.

[Nestles]

Hi Jacob, thank you for your reply. I made the mistake of trying to reason with the things he was telling me over the last few days. I couldn't understand why he was feeling the way he was. I understand now that even though what he said didn't make sense to me, didn't reflect the true situation to me or my husband it did to my son. It is good advice Jacob, thank you.