DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

[Linmerc]

Hi NikNik
I just wanted to comment on your discussion topic of this week. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend due to family commitments.

Of course carers deserve to be happy as does everyone else. I am a much more relaxed person when I take some time out for myself, whether it be a cup of coffee sitting in the sunshine, a chat with friends, or just taking a breather to recharge the batteries.

We all live in such a fast paced world that sometimes it's necessary to push the pause button for our own mental health. Granted, we as carers generally pay attention to the needs of others first but we need to draw a line and make ourselves a priority. In my case, if I don't get some ME time occasionally, I feel resentful and my bad/sad feelings are sensed by my family.

If I am in a happy state of mind, I am a much better person and in turn a much better carer to my family. Doing things that make carers happy is so important because their behaviour has such an impact on their loved one with mental issues.

Carers, take time out to look after yourselves and do things that make you happy so you can return to your family/loved ones with a smile on your face and a positive attitude, it really makes a difference.

Have a great weekend all and stay strong.

[Appleblossom]

Yes of course .. too much denial causes stress and bad feelings.  The world is not a level playing ground and for poorer people it can take a very long time (decades) to get things to a situation where it is possible for caresers to have things beyond the bare essentials.  I am thinking of my mother and myself and there will be countless others in this situation.  Then we just have to "tough is out".  It does not mean we dont care.

[Happier]

I know that carers have a right to be happy, but can anyone help me out with how to keep happy enough whilst your child is suicidal ? My daughter is regularly suicidal due to bipolar disorder.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Happier, welcome to the conversation and to the Forum.  I'm glad you found us.

I'm not sure that there's a good answer to your question.  There are times in all of our lives when happiness seems an impossible goal.  And being a parent to a child in such distress would definately be one of those. 

The topic wasn't meant to make light of the heart-breaking situations that members find themselves in.  It was more of a 'call to arms' to remind you to at least reflect on where you are at yourself.  And to see if there is any wriggle room at all to find moments in your day for a slightly lighter spirit.  Sometimes if we can put our worries and responsibilities aside (out of our direct focus at least) even for short periods we are stronger when we pick them back up.

Happier, can you tell us a little more about your situation?  There are likely to be others here in the Forum who can relate to your experience and may be able to share how they balance their own needs with that of their loved one.  Last week during Topic Tuesday @Viv, @Rjb, @Bearcub and @astrengthinever all shared parts of their journey in working towards their own happiness while caring for daughters with a MI.  Perhaps they'll be by to join the conversation too.

[Viv]

Hi Happier,

It is a heartbreaking distress to see the person we love so unhappy and in so much pain. And it feels like no one can help. It is an isolating situation.

As a carer I have come to terms with difficult situations myself. The grief we feel is always there I believe and we can still find happiness I also believe.

In our own journey we have much to learn. When I began to understand the concept of Radical Acceptance I was able to begin to turn my pain around. And it is an ongoing process too.

There have been techniques and learning and understandings that have guided my journey. Too many to explore here. Radical Acceptance is a core concept for me though.

I hope this is of help.

[Linmerc]

Hi Happier

Thank you for your post and I am sorry you are in this situation. I too have had a loved one with suicidal thoughts and it's not a good time. I am sorry I do not have any special 'coping mechanisms' to help you.

That's why it's so important for carers to grab every opportunity they can to do something special or whatever makes you happy because we never know what can happen tomorrow.

I'm sure you are doing everything possible to help your child and I hope your daughter receives the correct medical attention to get her over this debilitating time.

Stay strong!

[Former-Member]

Hi @Happier, I realised that if you're new to the Forum you may not have found the original discussion about happiness for carers.  You can read it here when you have some time.

[pjc11]

Hello, have you reached out for some support of ryour daughter and for yourself. Contact Craers Victoria or the carers in your state. all the best .

[NikNik]

Hi everyone,

I thought I would add a link to this wonderful blog The happiness habit: 8 tips to boost your happiness

Are there any tips you would add to this list?

@Rjb had a great tip in Topic Tuesday - 'hold on to the snippets of happiness I notice', while @Bearcub mentioned ' love, balance, good health and achievement'

I also loved @astrengthinever 's point about happiness being contagious and @Viv talked about self compassion.

I'd been keen to hear how you're all doing with your happiness habits since Topic Tuesday!

And would there by any other tips people wish to share?

Nik

[pjc11]

Hello, do you have an action plan in place fir when your daughter feels suicidal thoughts are over taking her?. This is something that you will need to have so you both have a plan for anything that happens. I understand what this is like to have a loved one go through suicidal thoughts and I have been there myself, due to medication that I was taking. Please get your daughters medications looked at as they can cause people to have suicdal thinking. I know that for a fact. and I feel for you both. Please take care of both of you. you are in my thoughts all the best, stay strong you will both get through this difficult time. contact carers Victoria for support for yourself.