All feels too much

[Tiredmumof4]

My 19 year old has recently been diagnosed with BPD. It has been a tough few years and we knew something was not right but had no idea what it was. She had a baby 6 months ago and things have pretty much fallen a part since then. He behaviour is so oppositional and aggressive. Obsessive over on again/off again boyfriend. I did everything I could to help but it has all been thrown in my face and she has gone to live with on again/off again boyfriends family whilst telling me everything is my fault. There is a lot m ore to it of course. There always is. I have a 17 yr old with Aspergers who is going through a rough time and is determined to ruin his life just to spite me. His words, not me be self pitying. I also have a 4 and 2 year old who are caught up in all this chaos. I can't protect them from all of it. I am feelkng utterly alone and completely overwhelmed. My husband is no help. The big kids are his step kids and their father isn't helpful. At all. Ever. I think I'm in way over my head trying to keep it all together by myself. I'm drowning. I'm so tired and I just hate my life.

[MIFANTCARER]

I can see why your heading is "all feels too much" that is a huge burden and guilt that has been placed on you.

Its funny as Carers we often look for help for those we care for and we often worry about their emotional well being  and needs, however we as carers need to also look after yourself first.

I do understand that your children have a lot going, but sometime we just can't do anything to help or change the way they feel. I know that  you just want them to be well and happy, there are services like  headsapce and mental illness fellowship that may be able to offer assistance to them BUT right now it sound like YOU need some support and I think this is just as important if not more so.

There are organisations out there that can refer you to counselling sessions, be open these can be a great way to feel heard and supported, you can also see your GP and chat with them regarding your own well being, talk to them about a mental health plan or depression and medication.  I also know that the sane website has details and links to many services that you could contact for support.

I understand that your children have a lot going on, but it sounds like you have as well, please look after yourself first.

I hope to see you in the chat room some more, we are always hear to lend a ear, (eye).

Good luck and take care

[Former-Member]

Welcome to the Forums @Tiredmumof4.

I’m really sorry to hear how difficult and lonely things are for you right now. With all that is going on, it’s no wonder you’re feeling tired and overwhelmed. It must be so exhausting to be supporting all your children of such different ages and going through such difficult times.

For some people, receiving a diagnosis can provide some relief and some clarity around treatment options, but it can also be difficult and upsetting. How are you feeling about your daughter’s diagnosis?

There are quite a few mums on the Forums who have been through difficult times caring for their children. @MummyMountain also has a teenage daughter who has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. You might like to read her story and connect with her here. @Concerned and @mia1 have posted about similar challenges here and here. Perhaps @MummyMountain, @Concerned and @mia1 might have some insights they can share here as well.

@Bianca and @Cinderella have also spoken about the loneliness of caring for family members and I imagine they will be able to relate to parts of your story.

@MummyMountain, I’m so sorry that you feel like you’re drowning and hate your life. You don’t need to go through those feelings alone. Do you have any support for you right now?

If you need to talk, there are places you can call for immediate support. One that offers both crisis and general support is the Samaritans on 135 247.

It can also be valuable to connect with a carers organisation such as your state branch of Carers Australia or ARAFMI.

Welcome again @Tiredmumof4 and please keep posting. There are people here to listen.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Tiredmumof4

It sounds more than a hand full.  It is hard not to internalise your own children's anger when it is personally directed to you ... I have dealt with it a bit .. many mums have ... you do need to protect your self and the younger ones.

Step families add more complexity to family life. I found the Stepfamily Association and Carers Vic helpful .. keep trying to make the best call in day to day decisions that you can ... without cutting the olders ones loose ... let them have their space but dont take on all the blame.