Topic Tuesday tonight at 7pm AEST / Do carers have a right to be happy?

[Former-Member]

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@3forme wrote:

We talk a lot about recovery for our loved ones, but not so much for us. I always assumed that when my daughter showed signs of recovery, I would be happy again and all would return to normal. Not so! As carers we carry own own trauma and I think we need to deal with that to find our own happiness again.

There are lots of things we can do on the way to our recovery though.

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That makes sense @3forme.  There's a lot of talk about resilience these days.  Our ability to bounce back after life has pushed us down.  But sometimes it's more of a crawl than a bounce.  A far more gradual recovery than we, or others around us, hoped for.

What has made a difference for your recovery?

[3forme]

Well said Viv! Its a process and I guess we need to find those things that help us find our way through. I found (still do) that the "little things" can make the process easier. Simple things like walking, spending time with friends (and my dogs) and reading a good book always helped.

Although, its often hard to find time for these things when we're caring for a loved one.

[CherryBomb]

Amazing @Viv, sounds like a huge journey for both you and your daughter.

And I think you point out something really important. 'Recovery' doesn't just mean that one person (our loved one) needs to change but we also need to make changes too. It's a symbiotic relationship, where each person influences each other.

What are everyone else's thoughts? Can you make some changes in your life for 'recovery'?

[3forme]

And being able to "hold the hope".

[Former-Member]

@astrengthinever Your post really demonstrates how carers can be between a rock and a hard place.  On the one hand you are giving up so much of your life to look after your loved one.  And their pain can make the pursuit of your own happiness feel uncomfortable.  Wrong even.

But what if, as you say, your own well-being actually becomes their best medicine.  Now your happiness is a necessity.  Not an easy path to navigate.

[astrengthinever]

Viv I could not agree with you more. It was re wiring my way of thinking that was my turning point in accepting. I think we've read the same book 😜

[astrengthinever]

But Suzanne a path definitely worth the navigation task

[CherryBomb]

Ooo! What book was it @Viv and @astrengthinever?  Speaking of which any good book suggestions?

[astrengthinever]

Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: a family guide for healing and change. By Valerie Porr

[Viv]

books, UTubes, articles so much!

But for a carer fo someone with BPD, I highly recommend Valerie Porr's "Overcoming Borderline personality Disorder" it is the best.

Once you have the BPD stuff down pat, then I can recommend Stephen Harris...he talks about values especially.