Lived Experience Forum

[Scream58]

I feel terrible for thinking about this so I have to put it somewhere.

My neice died of Cancer last week. She was 35yo and her funeral was on Wednesday. 

She lived with me for 14 months when she was 16-17 in her first year at college. I supported her through health issues that even her mother doesn't know about. At the funeral all family members were acknowledged (including my sister, her other Aunt) but not me. In the eulogy her college time was mentioned as she lived at a hostel. I didn't get to sit with the family in the chapel but was in the second row from the back. 

I know this sounds selfish but I feel like I've been erased as ever being a part of her life. Even my son who was at the funeral with me was horrified. He said he just kept thinking "what about Mum?"

[Former-Member]

Hi @Scream58 

I feel your sense of no appreciation at all for what you did.

It really seems not fair.

I have been helping someone for over 4 years and still. Do. I was a bit upset a few weeks ago because the person has been too busy to help me. My attitude is when we help others we do it because it is our nature, nurturing. I do not expect anything in return. I was on  ladder 2 weeks ago for them and was upset in  case i fell and they were  not there. Today l am back on the mindful road not all people compliment us or acknowledge us. I still prefer to help. In many ways l love being the helper no one sees.

This should not take away from your feelings.

I hear you. The funeral has been. I admire your effort and l say Thank You for your good heart helping her when needed! No one else did. You are very special!

[Former-Member]

Hi @Scream58 

I realise a ladder is nothing compared to a death and may be a bad analogy.

The moral is caring people are not often remembered or recognised.

[Dimity]

Deep condolences on the sad early loss of your much-loved niece @Scream58 .

I hear your grief. I left my home to care for both my late parents but was shunned by almost all my siblings and their families both then and when my parents passed, and remain estranged. Please take comfort in the fact that you knew her and supported her, and that your son recognises and appreciates that. 

Take care. I trust you have happy memories of your time with her.

Dimity

[Krishna]

Hi @Scream58  Im sorry for your loss and my deepest condolences. Please let your feelings of not being acknowledged pass as no doubt the one person who appreciated your love and support was your niece and Im sure you made a positive difference in her life and she was grateful for that. It’s all that matters, between you and her. 🙏❤️

[Scream58]

I really want to get past this feeling and in order to do that I had to acknowledge it. Logically I know that my relationship with her is all that's important but at an extremely emotional time the little demons in my head are having a party.

I actually attended the funerals of two nieces last week. Both young, both taken by cancer. It's all just too heavy at the moment.

Thank you all for the replies and support. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Scream58 

Those demons do play havoc "if we let them" 

@Krishna reply was a much nicer way of saying what l was trying to say. 

I also share condolences for what was 2 funerals.

As if one was not enough.

I am sure you niece was grateful to you and your family at the time

[Former-Member]

@Scream58 

Hi @Dimity 

Your parents were very lucky to have your selfless help.

Also sorry you were not recognised.

We seem to have life minded experiences on this sad topic on this forum.

I am sure your parents knew too well you were there!