I don't know if I'm posting this to the right place.
TL;DR
- only discovered that I have ASD last year.
- spent entire life growing up in neglectful abusive religious family environment ; blamed, prejudiced unmanaged symptoms and behaviour
- didn't learn required skills to be functional in adult society, so still trapped under parents' roof ,not helped by enforced ethnic culture background.
- finally hope to change circumstances after meeting current partner (amab/NB - CSA survivor, ASD, ADHD, DID, CPTSD)
- partner's abusive ex-spouse enforcing FIVO and courts in response to mismanaged/unresolved/untreated mental health conditions
- I'm absolutely alone being my partner's support person, navigating NT built legal systems is getting heavy and painful
- Suicidal ideation returning because everything is too much and too against me and no other way out.
++++ Ultimately I am seeking support as a woman with late ASD diagnosis, advice and strategies to support partner being put through courts, any and every shared experiences to learn from, just anything please.
I've been "socially illiterate" my entire life, I didn't choose to be born with ASD.
I grew up being bullied, prejudiced against, and put through social isolation and social death by my own family and extended relatives. I've been blamed for behaviours and struggles that I was born with and had no structural foundational support as a child to learn the correct skills to regulate and manage myself. The onus was always on me because it's easier to blame the "different" one for being different rather than seeing "different is normal" and therefore seeing me as "normal".
Worst even still that all of this comes from a Roman Catholic family that spouts moral superiority rather than practice what they preach. Worst even moreso if my Asian cultural background and upbringing.
An ND child growing up with emotionally negligent parents, sets you up for failure in society by knowing you were "different" as a child but doing absolutely and legitimately nothing to support the child or even themselves as parents, so they just blame you for your symptoms and tell you to your face that your existence brings grief to their lives while smacking you with slippers and belts.
But since you're so severely mal-adjusted to society you never complete higher education to break your low-income circumstances; your interpersonal skills are distorted by the mental and emotional politics your prejudiced ext.fam exposed you to; your Asian background dictates that you're unfit to leave the nest unless you're married off; you are still trapped under their roof to this very day. I've been suicidal for decades because it's felt like there was no way out of this life.
There is hope that I can escape this unsafe, unsupportive, abusive hellscape. There is the chance to share rent with my current partner (amab/NB - CSA survivor, ASD, ADHD, DID, CPTSD) of 20mnths, despite the extreme ups and downs of this being my very first long time relationship.
We're both in the middle of rent hunting , as partner is practically homeless (their temp. accommodation ceases in Jan), and I've been trapped under my family's roof since birth and desperately need to escape and finally learn to be independent.
Being with my partner has significantly improved my quality of life by having someone that actually understands me and works with me rather than against me, and the same with myself for them. I finally have am ambition and path for my future and am back in uni to finally complete undergraduate studies (bio sciences).
Moving out into stable housing will significantly increase my capacity to focus on my university studies by getting myself out of my volatile situation, bolster my independent living skills and commence the next stage of my adult life, successfully complete my science degree to break out of my low-income circumstances, and also produce another graduate in the biological sciences field that our evolving planet needs.
We're both unemployed, both neurodivergent, and both just want to be left alone to heal from our traumas and finally move on to break the cycle and create better lives for ourselves.
But the crux of the situation is that they have some mismanaged conditions (schizophrenic symptoms responses, undiagnosed but mother was) their abusive ex-wife is using FIVO, the courts and legal systems on them (to keep herself safe understandable, but counterproductive approach I feel). It is severely impeding and aggravating my partner's capacity to seek help and support and healing, and it's heavy for me to support them by myself as my partner isn't in contact with almost any family or friends anymore.
I've been supporting my partner through their courts things since late 2023 into this year. Ex-wife has complete custody of partner's two boys, and due to partner's overlapping mental conditions they are unable to conduct video calls as the format is detached and unable to feel connected compared to physical meetings.
Everything was meant to have been finalised in May, but ex-wife is unaccommodating, not willing to listen and understand, and bringing back into this. Trying to navigate these NT built systems is fkn damn painful, needing to always try to explain ourselves, being told "because that's the way society is" when humans were the ones to fkn construct all these fkn things. Like when is humanity gonna fkn listen to us, learn change and adapt to a more emotionally intelligent and empathy-based approach, and actually fkn evolve as a society?
We're seeing partner's legal aid on 10 DEC (LA kept rescheduling), and the court date is 17 DEC. All of this is so damn heavy. I feel like I'm drowning. I never asked for this life. I just want to heal and exist in peace.
