Childhood Trauma

[Oaktree]

Hi to whoever reads this.

I was born the 5th of 6 children and my parents should never have had kids. My childhood was very unstable. My Dad would go out and get drunk and then he would come home and be physical with Mum and us kids. 

My Mum left him the Christmas before my 9th birthday. Unfortunately she wasn’t a very good mother either. She would tell me everything was my fault. She even told me that she wished I was never born when I was about 12. I could have understood her treatment if I was a troublesome kid but I was really well behaved. I left home and joined the Army when I was 17 years old just to get away from her.

[MJG017]

Sorry you had to deal with all of that @Oaktree.  You're right, some people just shouldn't be allowed to be parents.  It can mess you up for the rest of your life.  Now I start to look at it as at least I got to have a life and as hard as it has been, it's better than never existing.  While not having to deal with as much as you did, i'm too busy trying to undo all that damage from childhood to worry about those that caused it.

I wonder if being well behaved made you an easier target or made your mother jealous that even at 12, you seemed for more mature on top of things than she did.  Are you close to any of your siblings? 

[MLE]

Thank you for having the courage to share what sounds like an intolerable situation. May you find peace here.

[Jynx]

@Oaktree thanks for sharing some of your story hun. I always really value when folks stand up to talk about the big topics, the hard topics, the taboo topics. I am so sorry that you had to endure this kind of treatment as a kid, that's soooo hard. And it's hard to be able to escape it, and the residue it would leave in thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. But you've obviously done a bang up job to become the wonderfully warm, kind, and caring person that you are today. 

Hugs to you, you incredible human you 💜😊

[Oaktree]

@MJG017 

No unfortunately I am not close to my siblings. Only 2 are here in WA and they both live far away on the other side of the river. I see my sister occasionally but we are not especially close. She is 6 years older than me and spent a lot of her childhood caring for us younger ones and she resented that. Unfortunately we are all a bit screwed up in different ways from our childhood experiences. I am proud to say that I broke the cycle of abuse with my own children as did my sister. My eldest brother was too frightened to even get married and have kids of his own. 2 of my brothers turned to drugs. My little brother separated himself from the family. I have to work out issues I have left over with my psychologist. I have a bunch of issues including attachment problems and emotional issues 

[Oaktree]

Thanks @MLE @Jynx 

[MJG017]

@Oaktree  That's really unfortunate that you're not close with your siblings.  It seems with a few people I've talked to that came from very difficult households, that the kids just all seem to go their separate ways when they get older and seem to want to distance themselves form each other.

I guess it makes sense to want to get away from anything the reminds them of growing up.  And everyone with their own issues from it, but its just so sad to not have that closeness with so many close family members because of such a tough upbringing. You'd think it would bring you all closer together as adults, but it usually seems to be the opposite.  Well, at least you've broken the cycle with your own family so you should definitely be proud of yourself.

I know about attachment and emotional issues all too well.  I'm in my 50s now and only just starting to try on work on them.  They're like a voice in your head that is so negative, but so loud.  It's so hard to stop listening to it.

[Oaktree]

@MJG017 

I feel not good enough a lot. I know that is my Mother’s voice but its still hard to shake.

[MJG017]

@Oaktree  I completely understand.  I highly doubt i'll ever be rid of those voices, and to be honest I don't know how anyone does.  I just try to quiet them enough to not listen, but they're always there.  The slightest thing turns them up again. 

[Dimity]

Hello @Oaktree . It sounds a troubling time, with many painful memories. Well done on building your own family.

I was also one of 6, in a dysfunctional family with abuse and neglect. I seem to have been too damaged to recover, but also blame myself for not being good enough to get by and get on with life.

You were quite young when you joined the Army. I trust it was positive for you - unfortunately for many it wasn't. 

Are you having trauma informed therapy?