Winter solstice

[AuntGlow]

How are you feeling today, lovely? @Dimity 💛

[Dimity]

Feeling a bit trapped @AuntGlow .Weighed down by problems, and my own ineptitude and indecision in dealing with them. 

Learned yesterday of another health condition. 

I feel simultaneously victim, persecutor and rescuer in a family drama and there seems no way out. 

I'll try to refind my to-do lists and sketchy daily planners, to get back on track.

Hopefully I'll start moving forwards again soon.

[AuntGlow]

Oh gosh, this sounds like a lot @Dimity. I would feel really overwhelmed too... 

You're not inept at all, I can see how hard you try to manage so many things all the time. 🫶

I know you have strategies to turn to, but it sounds like you're needing some softness and compassion too? Is there a way you could turn to some self-nurturing right now? Or is there anything we can do for you at the moment? Let me know. 🥰

[NatureLover]

So sorry you've had another health condition diagnosed, @Dimity 😥

Also for your complex position in your family dynamics 😥

Sending hugs 🫂 

[Dimity]

Thanks @AuntGlow @NatureLover 

Last night the cat sat on my lap for a while. A small thing but comforting.

I guess I haven't known how to nurture myself or others. That's a big failing. 

I'm processing today's psychology session. It was a wakeup call, and she shouted at me to get her point across. 

[NatureLover]

I'm shocked that your psychologist shouted at you, @Dimity . How did / do you feel about that? 

[AuntGlow]

Pets can be so comforting, can't they? @Dimity 🥰

In a way, your fur baby is teaching you what nurturing can be like - presence, closeness, comfort through safety? 

You haven't failed at all. I believe you know how to nurture - I see you do it here. ☺️

Oh wow, that must have been quite overwhelming... I will be here on Sunday, if you'd like to talk more about it then? 💛

[Dimity]

Thanks @AuntGlow . That's very reassuring.

@NatureLover being shouted at shook me. It did shift my thinking, which was what she wanted. I'd been pursuing a well-worn track. It was confronting and indicates I'm facing some very hard work. 

I'm still discombobulated. My fragile routine has crumbled again and I'm not even eating properly.  It had happened anyway, pre-dating the session. One of my assessments showed how much I'm struggling, and I haven't heard the results of the other one yet. I'll try to get my sleep back on track, and chip away at other things.

[NatureLover]

Being shouted at would shake me too, @Dimity  😥

I'm not sure of the wisdom of shouting at a fragile person 😣

Sorry you're having trouble eating. I hope your sleep improves too 🤞

[Dimity]

@NatureLover I'm eating but not cooking proper meals, and probably eating the wrong things when I'm usually more careful.

The family dynamic has changed again and it's quite stressful. I don't know what to expect. Probably emotional outbursts and increased financial pressure. 

I wonder if shouting seemed the only way to get through to me. I'm fearful of criticism and anger, perhaps isolating has been a  way of avoiding it.