Procrastination and stress

[creative_writer]

@MJG017 I think I've spent way too long wanting to silence and avoid the thoughts. It's what I have been taught since I was young. Emotional suppression is the norm in my family. Probably shouldn't forget how I have had a number of relatives from my extended family turning to smoking to cope. I've had times where I would utilise not so good strategies just to escape. You really can't push away thoughts because sooner or later they catch up. Though you can learn to sit with the uncomfortable and not be so consumed by them.

I'm also at the stage where I often have to deal with conflicting beliefs. On one hand I know I haven't done anything wrong. Yet another part of me is saying I have done something wrong, maybe it's internalised "social norms" that don't even make sense to begin with. Victim blaming culture does get under my skin. I have also noticed that people often do feel uncomfortable talking about the taboo, which just feeds the shame cycle. Having no support is better than the not so good support. Can't say I have met many people willing to sit with the uncomfortable, the ones are I met are the precious gems. Being a ND, I have noticed that I often try to mould myself to fit in with societal expectations. Though some things are very much out of my control, even though I wish I had more control. Trauma and mental illness is out of my control

[MJG017]

@creative_writer 

Yes, I doubt any of us ignore those thoughts, especially when they've been a part of us for so long, or are just so strong that they take over.

I think by quieting them, I mean to accept they'll probably always be there but find a way to accept the there, but know what they are and be able to listen and act on more positive and/or helpful thoughts.

I agree that pushing them away just caused them to resurface later but its like you said, we need to sit with them, or quiet them enough so that we are not consumed by them, because we can replace them with other thoughts.

As far as I know, not that ive ever been tested, I only have issues with depression and anxiety.  The thoughts that they gave me felt uncontrollable for all of my life until only a few years ago.  I made decisions growing up that I knew were wrong or just giving in to those thoughts, but I could never go with the choice that I knew would probably help me... the fear and anxiety was just far too strong.  It took me more than 40 years to even start to learn to control those fears and those thoughts of not being good enough and all the rest that held me back.

Theyre still there, and they still give me pause, but slowly i am learning to control them.... finally!  The past 6 months has seen more progress than the 53 years that came before.

As impossible as it feels, they can be controlled.  Maybe not ever completely, but enough to start to feel its a fair fight now, and hopefully, some time, a winning fight.

The trauma and mental illness inside us will always be a part of us, but at some stage we have to start to try to weaken its control.  

I'm  still very much trying to figure this out myself and I still doubt I ever will.  But I do feel like I've made some good progress this year.  Maybe I have, maybe it's all about to fall in a heap and Ill be back where I was.  I still really have no idea, but I hope its the former.  I hope you can find your path through as well and find some peace with enough of this to be in a better space mentally.

[creative_writer]

@MJG017 ignoring thoughts is probably not realistic. It is a known fact that the more you try not to think about something, the more you do. We are often told by others to get on with life and not think about it. It's hard to reprogram the brain and start to learn to sit with the uncomfortable. We live in a chaotic world and everything is so fast paced, as a result, we sometimes lose ourselves in the chaos. We have lost that mind-body connection as a society. A lot of us don't even realise how much we may be carrying within ourselves.

I know I am guilty of what they call the "single story". Not sure if you are familiar with narrative therapy, I've done some online training for it during my social work placement. A lot of trauma survivors and people who struggle with mental illness start feeling very defined by their trauma and mental illness, it becomes their identity. Part of this may also be a result of how medicalised and pathologised mental illness still is. The reality is, we are much more than our trauma and mental illness.

It does sound like you're making progress, and I do hope that things continue to look up for you

[creative_writer]

I’ve been doing a lot of processing lately and feel like there is so much within me, but I don’t know who I should even talk to. Or maybe I should wait until my counselling appointment on Tuesday. I’m just finding it hard to get things done and feel so paralysed, and that’s adding to the anxiety

[tyme]

Hey @creative_writer ,

There continues to be a lot of this thinking within you. 

Can you think of what you can do to break this cycle? 

What do you think needs to change? It sounds incredible hard to sit with these thoughts day in and day out.

[creative_writer]

@tyme I don’t know what I’m meant to do. There is a lot I’m processing and my mind isn’t taking time off. It’s getting in the way of doing things. Though I’m also cautious processing needs to be done in a safe environment. I’m not sure who to reach out to, I just don’t think crisis services like Lifeline will be equipped to help at this point in time

[tyme]

Can you think of a time when you have had reprieve from these thoughts @creative_writer ?

[creative_writer]

@tyme things feel fuzzy right now. The only thing I can think of is distraction to avoid thoughts, sometimes not so good distractions. I think the emotions are pushing their limit now, I don’t think I can sit with them right now. I would concentrate on uni, but can’t get anything done

[tyme]

I know I've mentioned this before, but what about a walk in the sunshine? It's so sunny in Melb today. @creative_writer 

[creative_writer]

@tyme and now the migraine hits. Aura is an early warning sign. I’ve been moody all day too, I wonder if that’s related