My special place

[creative_writer]

@Snowie I often feel sad that I’m not able to reach out to family, I’m with them more of the time than I am with my friends. I am not very social. At times like now, it would be good to have someone to have. I can feel the body flashback kicking in. I’m probably looking for a personal relationship.

It is hard not having many friends, it’s good we have the forums, but obviously doesn’t replace face to face interaction.

Yes, I’ve been trying to get my license for a while. I haven’t been consistent, sometimes my mental and physical health go down.

It can be really hard to reach out for, I struggle too. I hope you know that you’re not alone. Sometimes it’s a bit easier on chat services as opposed to phone calls. Have you tried chat options?

[Snowie]

I think any relationship would be good @creative_writer whether it be family or friends.

I am not social either. There would be no one that would reach out to me to see how I was, or just to grab a coffee. When I have been in hospital, besides hubby, no one could have cared less.

The only people who I really talk to are my supports, and even with them it is limited to specific time/days.

The forums are good in that way, like now. But you are right, it's not like that 'in person' interaction.

I hope you can get your license soon. Gives you a bit more independence too.

I have tried chat before. It can help at times, especially when it's hard to get the words out. Opening up to a complete stranger can be hard.

I had to call nurse on call before.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie I always feel friends have their own busy lives. Unless you live really close by, it can be hard to arrange a catch up. Adulting is hard. I lost contact with people and never was able to get back to what was.

I’m glad you have your supports, but I do understand how there are specific times and dates. I hope you know you are valued here 💖

Even if I get my licence, I don’t have anywhere to go.

Opening up is really hard. Remember you always have triage and nurse on call if needed. SANE helpline will be running tomorrow too

[Snowie]

Being an adult is hard @creative_writer 

I'm to blame too, I could have reached out to people but never did. Even now I could try, but I wouldn't know where to start. I guess I am fearful of rejection too. To reach out and have no one respond.

Even going for a drive, just getting out of the house. A change of scenery. It might just be able to give you a bit of freedom.

I used to use Sane when they had their chat line. Since then I haven't contacted them. Especially with them cutting back their hours.

The lady on nurse on call was ok. At least she wasn't judgmental. She suggested them too.

I know I have triage, but our local ed is useless when it comes to MH. They don't even have a doctor there all the time. They just send you back home. The joy of living rural.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie I’m the same, I don’t reach out but then I barely connect with most people. It feels like too much effort for something I won’t find pleasure in. I can’t say that about all people, but most people.

I hope they open the SANE chat service up soon.

Sorry to hear you haven’t much much luck with triage. Glad to hear the nurse on call went okay

[Snowie]

Even growing up @creative_writer I had no friends. Well I had friends, but no one that I would say I was close too. Outside of school/work they would never reach out to me.

I really don't know how hubby and I stayed together. I was always the odd one out.

I hope they open up the chat again, but it has been quite a long time now without it. I really felt like the person on the other end could understand me. 

They've sent me home before, so now I think why bother. Just tell me to get in contact with my psych/pdoc.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie I never had many friends to begin with. I was too ND for people. The people I was in contact with, I sort of lost contact. I just started feeling less connected with people. I used to have an outlet to some extent, but now, I barely have an outlet. I stopped bothering and I just grew apart. Complex mental health and trauma makes me feel too different from everyone. I always end up feeling like the crazy one. I also hated when people would jump in and try to give advice, I can’t talk to my mum, I can’t talk to my baby sister. I get some people might be blessed to have families they can talk with about their mental health struggles, I don’t have that, I can’t force that. I’ve had too many bad experiences, it’s just easier to shut people out. I feel like very few people get me. Very few people understand the torture of cptsd and bipolar. Trauma is why I have so much anxiety and lots of OCD thoughts. I’m also too ND for the world. Sorry, I feel like I’m taking over your thread.

I hope they open up the chat system too, I find phone calls very overwhelming.

I feel like we need an improved mental health system, it often feels like you’re going in circles. It’s a sad reality

[Snowie]

You're not taking over the thread @creative_writer I'm glad you feel comfortable enough here to express your thoughts.

I think it helps a little when someone else can understand. I get feeling like the crazy one. 

I even make up excuses of where I have been when I go see my psych/pdoc, especially with my mum. She thinks if they haven't helped me yet, then I'm just wasting my time. 

I shut people out too. To "broken" for them.

Our MH system needs a lot of work done.

When I reach out, there is no one.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie I have no idea how to find people like me. I get too many blank faces. It’s hard to not feel too broken and damaged. If I tell people the truth what will happen? Some people can be savage and shun those struggling with mental health and their families. It’s not only self protection but keeping silent protects my family from being stigmatised (due to my mental illnesses). I also feel like talking about trauma is also very stigmatised, particularly traumas of a certain nature. Some people may see me too damaged.

The MH system has a long way to go. It’s built to help people during crises but not enough prevention

[Snowie]

@creative_writer I feel that people think I'm too damaged to.

No one really wants to know about my cptsd. Certain traumas are very much stigmatised, I agree with you there.

There is so much more that needs to be done in the prevention stages of MI.

Although, even in crisis I got sent home. If I go tonight they will just send me home again. Will probably just think, not her again. She's in the 'too hard' basket. 

I better go, I've probably said enough. Thanks for the chat and for keeping me company. It is really appreciated. I hope the rest of your night goes well, take care.