I don’t feel belonged

[Blackcloud]

@tyme im saying that another volunteer (I was at volunteering today) asked me “what’s your name?” And then I told him my name in response. Then after I told him my name, he just didn’t say anything after that. So I’m asking why people like him do that? (Like why would they not say anything to someone after that person has answered their question). So I’m saying that I hate it when people like him do that.

[rav3n]

@Blackcloud sounds like a bit of an awkward interaction. if i'm honest... i'm so guilty of asking people their name and going quiet in the past 😆 people thought i was being mean/weird but i was just anxious and waiting for the other person to carry the convo cos i didn't know what to say... maybe this person had one of those 'freeze' moments too? 

[tyme]

Hey @Blackcloud , fair enough. 

But then again, I wonder if they are having their own struggles too?

Everyone is learning. We don't know why people behave the way they do and often we don't understand how people behave. 

Most importantly is that you are able to work through these differences to see the people as they are.

[Blackcloud]

@rav3n @tyme @Ru-bee how are y'all?

[rav3n]

hey @Blackcloud i'm good, debating whether i should go out with my friend tonight or not 😆

how are things with you!?

[Blackcloud]

Hi @rav3n im fine but a little stressed at the moment.

so I’ve already booked my flight tickets to go for solo travelling to Korea in December aaaaand the thought of letting my mum know about it and what her response will be like is what worries me and I can’t stop thinking about it… generally my mum is someone who is controlling & tells me (as her kid) on what I should and shouldn’t be doing. 

Last time when I told her that I’d like to go travelling on my own and she was against that as she considers solo travelling to be “unsafe” and “not good”.

I mean, even a long time ago when I told her I’d like to move into an accomodation (student accomodation) to be away from home, she was against that as well.
But then by the time that I made the final decision of liaising with an accomodation agent for them to book an accomodation for me (which was back in August this year), and then I messaged my mum on Facebook messenger right after  my dad continued to annoy me by sending me some positive affirmation related videos through her Facebook account on messenger (even though I’ve already requested soooo many times for him to stop continuing to give and send me those things but he never listens) and that was when I finally decided I had enough and that I’m gonna fricken send a message to my mum (and my dad) on messenger (cause my dad only uses my mum’s Facebook account) that I’m MOVING OUT. so that was all back in august anyway, which was what lead me to live in the student accomodation now. Well, after that my mum came to have a bit of a convo with me regarding that - but she just asked me some questions like “you have the money to pay rent?” In a concerned way. She didn’t like yell at me or anything like that. But yeah at the same time she just pretty much accepted it..

so I’m wondering if I told her that I’m gonna be solo travelling, I wonder if her response is gonna be similar to the one above regarding my decision to move out. But then she’s definitely gonna ask me how much I paid for the flight tickets and other stuff regarding the money I’ll be spending and stuff like that. Like I guess I get you might be concerned since I’m on Centrelink payments, but at the same time I’ve already saved enough money to prepare for anything that I know I’d be willing to afford for and thought be worth experiencing. Even before when I lived with my parents, I didn’t need to worry about having to pay $1000 a fortnight of rent like I do now.. 

edit: I mean last year when my mum herself had to buy some flight tickets for her, my dad and my sister to go to cambodia last year, I’m pretty sure iirc my mum told me she had to pay like around $3000 something for those tickets. I feel like the reason why she had to pay that much was because she picked the business class instead of the economy class (economy is the cheapest flight class of all). For me I had to only pay a total of $1359 something for the flight tickets (flight tickets were $877 + some other fees that covers important things) as I picked the economy option & thanks to my OT for suggesting me a ticketing service to look onto for the cheaper flight tickets

[Blackcloud]

@rav3n also I know you might be wondering why I’d feel obligated to tell my mum about solo travelling..well because since I don’t live with them (my parents) anymore, my mum usually asks me through text messages every week about picking up food she cooks from their house (since I don’t really cook food myself & I don’t even cook any of the food that she cooks since she’s never shown me how to)

also, like, my passport is currently at their house too and I’d need to go and collect that. So I know obviously my mum will ask me why do I need a passport for…

and also, if I were to grab some of my winter clothes (my 1 or 2 coats + one pair of baggy pants) + beanies from their house too (yes all of those are currently sitting in their house) as my mum didn’t want me to take those with me as it’s not even winter on here currently, but it’s actually cause in Korea it’s gonna be very cold in December.

alternatively, I was low key thinking of perhaps buying a coat from any clothes shop if I’m unable to go grab it from my parents house but… 🤷‍♀️ 

lucky I have one of the coats here with me but it’s rather a regular sized fluffy coat rather than an actual “big” coat

[rav3n]

woahhh solo trip to Korea sounds amazing!!! @Blackcloud 

i can see why you'd be stressed right now, lots happening for you! is the accommodation and stuff booked already as well?

i think it's pretty normal for mums to worry about that sort of stuff, i'd be more concerned if she didn't worry about you going off on your own! but there is definitely a different between being concerned/worried for you vs stopping you from going on that solo trip. from how she responded to you moving out, she doesn't seem like the type of person to stop you and i think you're right - she might just want to have that convo with you. you've already booked the ticket so i don't think she can stop you even if she wanted to 😆

if your mum's anything like mine, she probably needs a bit of time to process this and accept that you're going away. and probably bombard you with warnings (that's a mum's special way of saying 'i'm scared please be careful'... not fun for us to listen to but they mean well). 
i honestly think it is a good idea to tell your parents about the travel in case anything does go wrong while your overseas for either of you (safety purposes), and who knows...maybe she's got some cool travel tips too! how long are you going for?

and really glad your OT was able to help you out with those tickets, i recently booked flight tickets as well so i know how stressful that process can be! any reason you chose Korea for the solo travel?

[Blackcloud]

hi @rav3n oh yeahhh true that. I agree, it's just that I know that she's gonna like ask me how much I've paid the tickets for & all sorts of questions like...what foods am I gonna eat in Korea if I can't eat her home made food...

Nah I doubt that my mum will have some travel tips for me lol, she's probably just gonna say some stuff in relation to making sure I'm safe and all of that jazz.. which I don't appreciate but yea hehehe. And of course she's gonna like mention something regarding like what I should and/or shouldn't spend 

yeah I was thinking of telling her about it probably a few days prior to the upcoming trip, orrrr maybe a week prior. what do you think?

cause I feel like if I tell her sooner than that period then I feel like she might as well just...idk lol

and I really do hope she doesn't tell me to change the airline type to Singapore Airlines (since this is the airline type she always chooses for every flight) -- like who cares if a certain airline is 'good/better' or not? as long as I'm picking whatever comes up and I know that the time and dates and the costs are reasonable for me then I'm all good. Anyways, I'm going by the China Eastern Airlines from Melbourne to Shanghai, and then Shanghai Airlines from Shanghai to Seoul -- these are the same airlines that I'm gonna be on for the return trip as well. 

I'm gonna be staying in there for 2 weeks.

The main reason why I wanted to go to Korea is mainly because I've found that my fav Kpop group (this group means a lot to me for some reason and they've been the only group that holds a special place in my place) is gonna be holding a fan concert there this upcoming December, so I thought why not go and get some experiences of being in concerts. Plus I've never been to a concert before so I thought since this group is holding one this December, why not go? I've been desperate and tempting to wanting to go there ever since they posted the announcement. 

Their concert will be held in just 2 evenings really, but hence why I'd like to be there in 2 weeks is pretty much cause I want to explore the city and visit some places and take pictures of them and whatnot. 🙂 I've been wanting to go to Korea ever since I've been a huge Kpop fan, so I think now is the time!! 😄

Great thing I've got pretty much everything prepared in preparation for the trip and my upcoming time in Korea as I've been keeping in touch with this bilingual service that assists foreigners with pretty much everything really to make their experiences in Korea more enjoyable as foreigners -- they've helped me booked taxis in Korea, and they're able to answer every single of my questions that I have questions about.

[Blackcloud]

@rav3n oh, and let me tell you when my mum was against the fact that I wanted to move out of home (when I told her about it like a long time ago, including last year and the year before I think), she even yelled at me for it.. cause she was scared that I might end up being around certain roommates that I know I won't get along with, but here now I don't even live with a roommate so 😛