I think my mum and my brother are narcissists. @Jynx. I’m pretty sure I’m on point.
As with everyone , I grew up thinking my parents were doing the right thing. Even though they hurt us physically and mentally, it was all I knew. Also so controlling. Even now I say stuff to my psych and she takes a breath but it’s my normal. I don’t realise it’s wrong.
I do think they tried but I don’t think mum ever wanted kids. She did tell us that numerous times. I think she only had kids as that is what was expected. I think that’s why she rejected us.
They did everything that looked good from the outside. Last time I was in hospital one of the ladies in my group said she always wished she was part of one of those families that had a routine, dinner at 5:30, a regular bed time etc. But that made me cry. That was us. But what you don’t see behind the scenes is what the consequences were for not being at the dinner table right on 5:30. What happened is you hate the dinner that was served. If you got out of bed after bedtime.
It’s only now that I realise that that wasn’t ok. The violence wasn’t ok. But I still try to look at them as good parents. They did all the stuff, roof, fed. They looked good to others.
I do wish though that they were understanding if I was crying. But mum didn’t know what to do with such a sensitive soul. I was just a sook and I still am. That’s not their fault that’s mine.
Anyway I don’t think that’s what you were looking for.
I had a huge list for today and I did most of it but I couldn’t go out and mow my lawn. I was way too scared. The fear is still really bad.
I have also had a shower and washed my hair. First shower since Saturday.
