I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Hey @Jynx 

I slept alright in the end, when I finally got there. 

I do think they all will hate me for it and I don’t see me being able to join in for a while yet. They will all of forgotten me. Not that there was many any way really. 

I had my GP appt this morning and I wasn’t honest. I did tell him about my SH though and he made me show him. Then I had to have a tetanus shot. 

He was asking me a lot of questions trying to decide for himself what bipolar I have. The more questions he asked the more comfortable I got and I got an understanding of him. He ‘gets’ it. He has been through it himself. 

He also wants to communicate with my psych. So he wants to be involved. Also he said I’m not to SH anymore, to do a wall sit instead! 

I got to the medical centre at 8:50 and left at 10:20. That included my shot and waiting 15 minutes in case of a reaction. The actual GP appointment went for about 40 minutes. 

After all that I came home and slept. I’ve not long woken up but I feel the need to go back. 

How has your morning been? 

[Jynx]

Haha @Captain24 I'm sure we could sit here, going back and forth on whether or not the community will forget you... buuuut I think I'd rather just sit back n wait till you're ready to jump back in - then I get to watch with glee as you're pleasantly surprised by people caring about ya!! Hehehe 😈

Oh hun this is SUCH a relief to hear!! Especially with how inaccessible it is for you to find a GP! He sounds like he really cares too - have you tried the wall sit yet? Might actually be something I should add to my workout, it looks intense (had to google it lol)! You could do some planking too!! Haha

Been a slow morning here, enjoyed a bit of sunshine then looked at the pile of dishes I neglected last night (ssshhhhh hahaha I know I know!! 😝) and decided 'Nope! Stretching in the sun today!' so did that, hung out some laundry I forgot to last night (thankfully it was already half-dry, so it wasn't stinky!) and then just gave Trixie a wee brush - she loves it soooo much, wish I could show you a video!!

You made your decision yet? Is it a bed-arvo or a non-bed-arvo?

[Captain24]

Nah.. I haven’t tried the wall sit. I know how much it hurts!!! @Jynx. Give it a go. It won’t take long! 

Oh.. he also asked how up to date I was with my Pap smear. I just said it wasn’t that long ago. Apparently 12 years ago is too long. 

Glad you enjoyed the sunshine. I have to get up at 7 every morning and go out in the sun. I am allowed to go back to bed. 

Aarrgghh washing. At least it wasn’t stinky and you didn’t have to rewash it. 

I love that, cats don’t normally like it so they? I find brushing my two makes me feel a little better. Like it’s the connection or something. 

So far I’m outta bed. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 I shall in my break!! Soooo many of those like, stretches and holds end up surprising me with just how difficult they are!! 

Ahaha that's such a mood... I think I'm probably due soon too! It's every 5 years now instead of 2 which is handy!

Ooh so you catch the sunrise? 99% of the time if I'm seeing a sunrise, it's cos I've been up all night 😅

Yes it's the connection isn't it!! Trixie used to HATE being brushed but I think she just didn't realise what was going on. Now she can't get enough!! Comes up to me with her big yellow eyes all Puss-In-Boots face and I just go AAAARGH....CUTE OVERLOAD.... MUST DROP EVERYTHING...TO BRUSH KITTY 🤣

Yessss good job!! Lawd it took me like an hour and a half to rise this morning. You're doing a-ok in my books!! 

[Captain24]

Let me know how it goes! @Jynx 

It’s been that long that I had no idea it has changed! 

Yes. I have to see the morning sun. I guess if I get up a little earlier I’ll see the sunrise. But just morning sun, apparently I will eventually stay up and not go back to bed but that is not the aim for now. His self-care is to see the sun in the morning and be home from work before sunset. 

I hit snooze a few times but I had to eventually get up because I had to go to the doctor. 

I have to get up tomorrow morning ( or should I say ‘stay up’) too as I have my first appointment with a new Pdoc. I’m really scared. I’m really nervous. What is she going to ask me? How much of my story do I have to go into? Is she going to bring up the ADHD questionnaires? Will I be comfortable with her? Will it be ok? Will it be worth the money? Is my fear justified? 

Then I have a dietitian appointment. I think I’ve screwed up tomorrow. I think it’ll all be too much but it’s too late now. Just have to deal with the repercussions when it’s done. 

My two are lying on the lounge next to me. Both have to be touching me in some way. I should maybe get the brush and see if that’ll help

me a little.

Sometimes you need to sleep in, just because you want to or because you feel its what you need. Sometimes it’s just about how comfy you are. I’m enjoying my weighted Dino. I seem to be less restless in my sleep. I’m usually tossing and turning. Sometimes I end up in really weird places in my bed. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Aww I kinda love that... sun greet

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@Captain24 wrote:

What is she going to ask me? How much of my story do I have to go into? Is she going to bring up the ADHD questionnaires? Will I be comfortable with her? Will it be ok? Will it be worth the money? Is my fear justified? 

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Legiiiiit!! Ahem:

• She'll probably start out asking what's brought you in and a few questions about your history w your MH. 
• You may share as much or as little of your story as you feel comfortable. Maybe have a think about what you're hoping as an outcome from the appt, and choose to share only information relevant to that. 
• She'll probably bring up the questionairres if it's an appt about your ADHD. If not, and she brings them up, you're allowed to say 'I'm not keen to discuss those today.' 
• Hard to say!! But remember that you don't owe this person your vulnerability - but also, she's probably not going to be anywhere near as scary as your brain might be thinkin!
• IT WILL BE OKAY! 
• Money is fake anyway - better to check it out than risk missing out on potentially awesome support
• Fear doesn't need justification. If you're scared, you're scared, and that's valid. 

And no matter what, we'll be here for ya afterwards!!

[Captain24]

Thank you @Jynx 

My anxiety is sky high. My first Pdoc my CM was with me and helped me through. The Pdoc in hospital had my file already so she knew what was going on. This is my first time on my own with nothing support just a referral that lists my diagnosis and meds. The referral doesn’t even mention ADHD. I want to know but I’m not sure I’m ready to hear it. 

I feel like my dietitian appointment will be a fail. Ive only got 45 minutes between them. Plus I haven’t put anything into place that she said. 

I’ve got the hot sweats. My heart is racing. It’s not going well

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24  🙂 Good to see you. 

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

How you doin ? 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 , I think I'm okay mentally - I had a therapy session today so it helped.

But I have this numb throbbing pain on my left side which has been there for days and is annoying when I'm sleeping so I've booked in a doc appt tomorrow. I doubt they will do anything though. 

It's not painful painful, but more a dull pain.

Anyway, how are you? What's happening? I'm reading above about appts?