I think getting out will be the hardest. I’ll wait and see if it settles down. Maybe after the Chiro tomorrow and when I can have the pain relief @Jynx
We do have a local pool, not sure how much it is to go though and it’s not heated. So it’s just cold water.
Aahhh….so they’re a she! That sucks that she is away for a month. Are you counting down the days? Is she on board with the poly ways?
Ahh hmm... cold water not so fun hey. Maybe another one for a bit further along in the healing perhaps!
They're a she/they actually!! Got some fab androgynous vibes, very hot 😜
Aww not counting the days yet!! Haha only just met em on Saturday! And yeah I did ask, she said she is more monogamous when in relationships, but in terms of casual hook ups and stuff they have a few people they might see semi-regularly. I'm down with that too, I am still working through some stuff with my newer partner and stepping into another whole new relationship might just make me explode. Not the good kind of explosion either... 😅
Fun lil story, and a neat lil snapshot of poly life: So my bestie who I went out with is also my ex-partner... twice. He hooked up with this lass last weekend and was so smitten he thought I would also hit it off with her!! So he literally set us up in a way, invited her round to hang out and all that!! And he wants to hook up with her again too.... Lol, then he brought his boyfriend around too, and WHOOOO BOY you could cut the sexual tension with a knife!! Nothing happened though.... yet!
Also.... let me be clear - this is NOT a usual saturday evening for me!! Was quite an adventure hahaha
You don't strike me as someone who would have been into like, raves and clubbing and stuff.... but have you ever been?
So I’m a little confused… are they trans and identify as a female?? @Jynx Sorry I’m learning all of this through you!
Casual works.. less pressure and all about the fun! 🤩
OMG I can’t even follow that… so was this the same lass that you met out or a different one! That sounds so awkward… It sounds as though it could have gotten very, ummm, interesting, to say the least. I hope lots of alcohol was involved..
I love following your life it’s never boring.
I’m not into raves, that’s not my sort of music. Coming from a country town we usually just went to the local pubs. We did have 2 night clubs at one stage but they shut down. Everyone went to one pub on a Friday night then another on a Saturday. There was always music, usually a DJ and they had dance floors. I use to go out every Friday and Saturday night. I had plenty of hook ups and one that lead to a SA. That’s why it was my fault.
There was this one day that my mum rand and asked who was at my house. I said no one, why. She saw a car outside. I said it must have been at the neighbours. Turns out the car was in my driveway!! Oops
@Captain24 I'm not entirely sure how they identify cos it was my friend who had asked her about her pronouns. It's not unheard of for non binary folks to be happy to use gendered pronouns. I don't mind getting he/him for example - not all the time, but it's better than she/her! They might also be genderfluid, so some days might feel more femme and use she/her, and other days less so and go by they/them. I don't identify as genderfluid myself but I can totally feel how some days I am a little more masc leaning but other days if someone refers to me as a guy it doesn't sit right. Haha gender is weird!
You know what, there was surprisingly very little awkwardness! Haha didn't meet them out - went out, came home w my friend, and he was like 'oi you gotta meet this chick I hooked up with last weekend they're so cool' and invited them over! Mainly lots of chill vibes and some chats, then the smooches came later once my mate and his bf had left! 😋
You enjoyed going out on a Friday/Saturday night and finding hook ups, so that means... it was your fault? I don't follow. But no matter what you might think, or how you have landed on this conclusion I gotta tell ya - the only ONLY person that cops blame is the perpetrator. You could never, ever be at fault for this. That's not how consent works.
Oh lawd she checks up on you? Haha is your 13th birthday soon? I joke I joke, that's so funny tho, like 'no no it's the neighbours!!' 'Uh huh and why did the neighbours suddenly forget where they live huh?' 🤣
I find the gender thing really interesting. @Jynx. Obviously I don’t understand the feel of it. As I’m female just defs not girly at all. You are opening my eyes to a lot. (Live in a small country town!) I’m really open minded and accepting but you are helping me be even more accepting, if that makes sense. Maybe… understanding it all better.
So when you go out do you go to gay/trans bars?
For no awkwardness you all must be so comfortable with who you are. I would love that acceptance of myself.
I know right.. no privacy! It’s better now I live in this estate as they have to come out of town to drive past. They go for a drive every day and need to know where people live, what they are doing, everything. Dad actually broke up a marriage. He asked a guy at work what his wife was studying at TAFE. She wasn’t studying so her husband followed her one night and discovered she was having an affair. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!
@Captain24 I do know what you mean!! I think for a lot of folks (especially in rural areas) unless they actually know a trans person or have done some reading about it, there's no way you could know these things! I was similar when I met a trans chick for the first time - soooo awkward, and I think I put my foot in it.... can't quite remember but yeah, there's a very stark lack of education and trans representation hey.
It's funny, I never really would have thought of myself as not a girl, despite also being extremely non-girly my whole life! What 'cracked my egg' (common phrase used in trans community... a trans person who doesn't realise they're trans yet are called an 'egg' and the realisation is when you crack - to be reborn as your true self, I think!) was reading this interview in Time Magazine's 'Gender Issue'. This trans guy was basically talking about his childhood and said 'I just felt like people kept trying to put me in this box, but I could never fit in...'
And I went... wait.... that's how I've felt my whole life.... maybe I'm not a girl....
Haha took me a couple months of questioning and talking it through with people to truly settle but yeah then I realised lots of stuff!! Like how I could change my name to be more in line with my sense of self (legally changed now, woohoo!) and how I realised OH! I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE BOOBS ANYMORE! 🤣
I am comfy with who I am! Took me a long, LONG time lol. And I definitely still have many awkward moments, make plenty of mistakes, and still have oodles of unprocessed trauma to work through - some of it even showing up recently, just some attachment system stuff nothing too huge but like.... UGH just wanna be done dealing with it all. Alas, not how it works! I think the vibes and the people just worked really well this time around 😊
I really don't wanna create conflict or tension with you hun, so I'm trying to say this as gently as possible... but you're dead wrong. You said no. YOU SAID NO. That means you withdrew consent. No matter what you did, inviting him in or even 'seeming to like it' after saying no, it Does. Not. Matter. Because you withdrew consent!! In any court of law that would be regarded as the perpetrators fault and not yours. You did not deserve that, nor could you have possibly predicted it and prepared for it or anything. You may not agree with me just now and that's okay - but I hope one day you can see this truth, and give yourself a break.
OMG they're the stickiest of beaks!! I wonder what makes someone soooo keen to do that... Like what do you think your parents get out of it?
Yeah.. I don’t know any trans but I now feel more confident in speaking to them. Not put my foot in it. @Jynx
I wore dresses and was a girly girl when I was little but and the same time I’d be in the backyard playing footy with the neighbourhood kids.
So the name you chose, is it gender neutral or masculine?
Oh how I’d love to have mine cut off. I hate them, I hate bras, they are in the way and I don’t even get pleasure out of them.
I’ll go back and delete it. I wasn’t thinking as I was typing. You are the first to get any real detail. I usually just brush over it as I’m ashamed.
No conflict!! I have been told it’s not my fault and I would tell someone else in my position that. It’s just hard for me to recognise it. I brought him into my home with the expectation of what was going to happen.
I have no idea what they get out of it! But most conversations involve talking about somebody. Then they tell me I should know them. I just say ‘I mind my own business not everyone else’s’
@Captain24 yay! I hope you do meet a trans person, and get to learn even more things!!
Haha I told my mum I hated wearing dresses when I was 3... Yeeaaaahhh all the signs were there!! And my name is masc, but it's got a funky spelling that makes it seem more like the name of a fantasy character than some dude 😂
You know you don't have to identify as trans or nonbinary to get top surgery... Maybe it's not 'gender' dysphoria, but it sounds like dysphoria still? As in, a sense of discomfort in your own body features. Not for me to decide, but just thought I'd mention it 😉
I'm super proud of you for being able to share that with me hun! Small steps ay? By all means delete if that is needed for your sense of comfort and safety! You still did the thing!
Indeed - I guess it kinda makes sense, insofar as like... so I think sometimes, when something really bad happens, we might try to find a way that it was our fault... because our brains want us to do all we can to avoid going through that again, so by finding a 'mistake' we can then 'learn from it' and the bad thing won't happen again. Only trouble is when it's not actually our fault. We can't learn from a mistake that wasn't a mistake... Accepting that sometimes, really awful things happen to people who don't deserve it, is really difficult, especially when we are the good person in question. We're meaning-making creatures, and when there's no meaning to be found, I guess we just create it... even if it's not actually helpful or healthy for us. That's my reckoning anyway.
Hehehe good answer!!
Ope! Time for me to start making the rounds. I hope you have a super chill night darlin, and you get off to sleep okay despite the pain. Gentle (VERY gentle.... haha) hugs!! 🫂🫂
