I can’t cope

[tyme]

Well, she has 5 days in her own bed and 2 days in mine @Captain24 . That's why we had to get the putty this arvo - it's a prize for sleeping 5 days in her own bed @Captain24 . Seriously, I took a photo of her on Saturday night... she was sleeping ACROSS the entire queen bed - diagonally! I hate sleeping with her. My only comfort is knowing that it's not for long because she'll grow up and not want a bar of me...

And yes, I'm already looking for properties because it wont' be long before they grow up and I move out!

I'm guessing that because of your back, you haven't put the shelves up yet since you bought them? I still can't picture them.

Is it sorta like this? 

[Captain24]

At least you are getting some space @tyme I can imagine how much space she takes up. Two chihuahuas can take up a lot of space! I have to wiggle between them. Totally not good for my back!!!! 

The shelves are still in the back of my car. I can’t lift them out. That is the shelves. 

I’ll try on Thursday while I’m home with my babies. I need to pick through the pain and try and mow my lawn tomorrow. I was going to wait until after I had been to the chiropractor on Tuesday but mum wants to do Keiko's birthday party.

[tyme]

Does chiro work for you @Captain24 ?

Also, is this the type of back pain where it's better you keep moving? Or is it the back pain that you should rest and be still?

Mine is usually that I should keep going. 

Also, getting in a out of cars can be immensely painful! How are you going to do that on Tuesday?

I guess the shelves can wait. 

I remember you saying you've always had back issues. Did you also say that surgery could be a fix? @Captain24 

[Captain24]

Yeah.. Chiro usually does help but I think this one is different. @tyme.

I think I should be moving but my mood isn't helping. I have no motivation, hence the bed day. 

Im lucky as I have a RAV and it’s easier to get in and out of. I’m going to have to set my computer up in a different spot for my psych appointment as I won’t be able to sit on the barstool at the kitchen bench. 

Im not sure about surgery.  None of this usually goes through the GP, I work it out myself after all these years. 

Am I allowed to say that I’m not ok tonight? Delete it if it’s not ok please

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

I hope it works out for you.

Yes, you can say you are not okay. There are times I'm also not okay. The main idea is then sharing what you'd like from the community or what you are going to do to support your recovery. I can see here you have shared that you have a psych appointment tomorrow. That is recovery-focused. 

Sorry if I'm not making sense.

I think I told you this already. When I stayed home those 2 days, I was miserable. Do you think that because you had a 'bed day', that it makes things all the worse?

I honestly didn't realise how miserable I was until I went out the next day and felt this burden lift.

Then again, I'm mindful that a crooked back doesn't help in that you CAN'T go out.

[Captain24]

Sorry.. I shouldn’t have said it. I don’t know what I need, I shouldn’t have put the burden on you. Just forget it @tyme 

Im guessing the pain isn’t helping and it’s getting worse. I did also start a new Lego kit. 

I get being at home for you was hard as you are always out and about. My days are just at home when I’m not working so it’s pretty normal to not leave. Just not normal for so much bed time

[tyme]

Pain is horrible for both physical and mental health @Captain24 

Please don't be sorry about saying you weren't okay. It's no issue at all because you were able to share what you were doing tomorrow. Give yourself some credit my dear. Please know that you are truly amazing. Don't beat yourself up over being in pain (physical and mental). You didn't choose to be!

I thought about what you said re me staying at home wasn't the 'norm'. But like you also said, you staying in bed isn't the norm either! 

One thing about mental health that acts as a 'warning sign' is when there is a 'change'. Some people can all of a sudden get super happy that is not attributed to any life effect - that is a warning sign. Some people can all of a sudden withdraw themselves - that is also a warning sign.

So the thing to watch out for are changes. If you know what I mean.... 

[Captain24]

I’ve been trying to play my cards close to my chest so I don’t get into anymore trouble. @tyme 

I get what you are saying. I’ve been spending a bit of time in bed recently just have really admitted to it. Trying to play along with appearing ok in here and in life.

I don’t know where I can take that mask off anymore. 

Another red flag is the mess that my kitchen is. 

[tyme]

True .... the kitchen mess. Then again, you can't exactly get up to clean it, right?

I hear it is so so hard @Captain24  and you are doing your best to stay afloat. No one can ask any more of you.

Do you feel you can take the mask off when you speak to your psych? Are you able to be open and honest about what's been going on for you?

[Captain24]

Everything I do at the moment hurts. Even getting in and out of bed. @tyme. It’s miserable. No one in my life even knows. 

Im not sure I can take it off. She can read me pretty well so she might notice. It is harder over Telehealth though. 

I feel like the mask is stuck if that makes sense. I don’t feel as though I can release it. I have to say that all that has been going on on here hasn’t helped at all. I use to feel comfortable to vent here but not anymore.