I Think I Have NPD

[jenna01]

My ex and I broke up about a month ago and were together for about a year. I would make him feel insecure about boys, then not realise it and display no empathy, only my feelings on the situation. He would slowly have reactions to scenarios where I would make him insecure, feel upset, provide little empathy or that I didn't appreciate him. These reactions would then make me feel like I had to lie to protect myself. Within the relationship, I had a few big personal problems (a parent passing away was one) arise which only in turn made me made me more selfish, inconsiderate and unaware of the damage I was causing him. He would actively try and talk to me about these issues but I was very much caught up in my problems that I would not process what he was telling me, and would continue to show little empathy to him. It was only when we broke up that I saw in full the damage I had caused because I was so caught up in my feelings and my problems. I also made the problems we were experiencing worse because I talked to my family and friends around me about the reactions he was having and not the cause of them, which in turn made everyone in my life turn against him. I do love him, and I didn't see in full the damage I was causing, but we have talked extensively about these problems and I do see what he has been saying all of this time that I ignored. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was younger, but I think as I have grown older the traits I possess have now changed. I could have BPD and NPD because I do understand how I have hurt him, but when my feelings are hurt in any way it's all I tend to think about.

[Macey]

Hi @jenna01 and what is npd besides Nashville police department?

[jenna01]

Hi Macey,
it means narcissistic personality disorder

[marchhare]

Hi there jenna01

We wanted to take this opportunity to welcome you to the forums.

We hope that you find the forums a great place to connect with other members, share stories and ideas, and find the support and connection you deserve.

Feel free to Introduce yourself here if you haven’t already!

We look forward to seeing you around on the forums!

The SANE Forums Team

e: team@saneforums.org

[Macey]

Hi @jenna01 well very early in my journey with support my therapist she said about my abuser that with npd there was no helping that thing but also someone with npd doesn't believe they have areas to improve or work on and so far that not sound like you at all..

Besides that my therapist told me everyone have some narcissism in them coz we all have a ego and sense of self we care about but doesn't mean everyone has 'pathological disorder' so I'm think for you it's a good thing to be aware of your actions and even that doesn't mean you have npd but also we are responsible for own personal development understanding growing our knowledge and self awareness how we interact and impact others and world around us. It's called being an adult and this seems like where you are. What i know about it is narcissism people don't ever arrive at such point so maybe you don't need pressure yourself with more 'disorders' and diagnosed whatevers right now. Keep growing is a fine thing 💛

[jenna01]

Hi Macey,
I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. I do believe that everyone has a little bit of narcissism in them as well, and I've spoken to other people and they also say the same thing. I think it is just hard knowing that I have caused someone I love so much pain, and I want to continue to love them and it very much hurts to have to let them go, or accept that I have done these things to make the person I love not want to be with me anymore. I think I do just want to grow and be a better person, a lot has happened this year and I think I'm just looking for some advice and someone to talk to about it. Once again I do very much appreciate your reply ❤️

[Macey]

and I think these forums are meant to help people do that @jenna01 to talk open up reflect share not be judged but supported and these things..

Nice to meet you 😊 

[tyme]

Hey @jenna01 ,

Welcome to the forums. 

I hear you have these challenges and feel you may have NPD. At the same time, are you looking for a label (so to speak) as a way to explain what's happening?

From what I read, I see you are doing your best to manage the challenges you are experiencing and this includes doing things to protect yourself e.g. lying. Would this be consistent with NPD? I'm not so sure. I'm no clinician, so I can't say. Actually, from what I know, NPD no longer exists in the DSM5. 

If you have concerns, it's definitely worth while speaking to a specialist.

What I can share though, are my experiences of BPD. Much of what you have shared seems to align with some of the behaviours I presented with as someone with BPD.

What's important is that you can see the issue, and this is certainly the start of a recovery journey.

All the best. Looking forward to hearing from you!