Home does not feel l

[Tomsk]

I am going through some really rough patches of anxiety.   They seem to be also paired up with these, thankfully, smaller patches of despair and dread though.  I'm not a stranger to anxiety, I have OCD, I have also been through an eating disorder (not sure that ever gets left behind) and am familiar with depression.

lately the one place I am supposed to feel safe does not feel safe at all.  It used to be once I was home I could find that place and sense of calm.  These last few days in particular I am struggling to find that familiarity and safety though - even with my checking and rituals (OCD).  I am feeling oppressed, distressed and scared in my own home. 

Anyways,

i just wanted to get it down, written, to see if that might change my perspective or cause a shift.   I have options for spending a few nights elsewhere - my dad and my brother and his family but these are not obviously long term sollutions.  

I have been out walking for a few hours so hopefully that helps me get some sleep.

Feeling exhausted and on the verge of tears all the time on top of it all.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh,

i do feel a little selfish and self absorbed in posting this - at the same time writing and posting last night did do me some good.

I apologise if it alarms anyone or causes someone else distress - I hope your night is better

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Tomsk,

I don't think you're being self-absorbed. I say best to share your experiences, rather than carry the load on your own. I hope that by sharing it with us, we can take of the weight.

I'm sorry to hear about the struggle you're going through. It seems that your previous ways of finding calmness are giving you the relief that they once used.

May I ask if there is anything that may have triggered this - like, has there been any stressors in your life lately? I wonder if this contributing to anxiety?

Also, do you have any appointments coming up wtih your doctor, psych?

I also wondered if you've been through something like this before. You also mentioned that you could spend the night elsewhere. Have done this in past, and has it helped with similar situations?

I hope you don't mind all the questions. I'm just trying to get a better sense of where you're at. 

*virtual hugs (if you accept them) *

CherryBomb

[NikNik]

hi @Tomsk - just checking in to see how you're travelling.

Nik