Fear

[peace]

@Rick your post hasn't come up yet but I did receive an email. How very interesting. You have put some perspective on PTSD for me. I am getting a glimmer into the complexity of what and why I have been going through all these years. How funny cause my psychiatrist is top in this field working with veterans and he proberly has tried to explain it to me but you have done an excellent job.
Thank you for your support and caring gentleness. Your words of encouragement and what did I actually receive a compliment? You are a very kind person. I will recognize you and say 'Thank you'.
You hold to hope so wonderfully. May PEACE & LOVE be with you also. X

[kato]

@peace 

thank you for sharing, what you have been through, i know it would not have been easy and i truly appreciate every kind word you have said to me. you have unbelievable strength, it surrounds you and i can read it in your posts, you have such compassion for others and understanding.

I feel very lucky knowing you, and that you found a place where you can find comfort and encouragment.

Panic attacks are not something i get so much myself, i get small ones that are more me getting hyped up about little things. I always find music helps me to calm, and i focus on my hands in front of me, i put all my fingers together so they are touching at the ends like i am holding an invisible ball, then i slowly bend each indervidual link down so i end up looking at a love heart shape with my thumbs pointed at the bottom, while doing this i focus on my breathing and inhaling the peace and calm and exhaling the stress and worry. i don't know if something like that will help you it's just a thought, as i said i find it helps me focus and calm.

you are needed here and appreciated too

i hope you are feeling better

[peace]

Hi All um I am not feeling so good / well. I am falling into victim mode. Fear is knocking yet it is not the unbearable intensity it has been pre new meds. I want to be normal. To be strong all the time. To feel capable of dealing with life. So want to be held, loved, supported and understood. I want also to be safe! Not just physically but emotionally. Silly me thought I'd never feel broken again. Thought i had the magic pill. It sure helps a great deal and for that I am grateful. I wanna cry. A deep soul cry for me. I cannot do so with my daughter and grandson around but it feels so needed. I didn't want to be left alone with those things in my head and heart, I didn't know what to do so i came here to at least pour out some of it. I know it's silly but I even feel scared posting this. I don't want to be alone in this confusion anymore.

[kato]

@peace 

realising that you are feeling this way, and addressing, is good, you know it is not as severe as previously, thanks to the help of your new meds, you are normal, and all people struggle with similar things, of wanting to be strong, wanting to feel capable of dealing with life, i want the same things for myself, and i am sure a lot of other people want it also.

i hope that you feel the love and support here in the forums

And i understand about the wanting to held and comforted, i miss that feeling also

You are not silly at all for thinking that you wouldn't break again, i think that way too, and i find myself breaking every week, only to discover through strength that i do not realise, and the support offered here that i am able to keep going,

The magic pill, is a beauty, i am searching for mine, it does take time, and you realise that it is helping a lot which is good.

You can have a big soul cry with me if you like, i know i need it, i have my cry's, late at night on my own,

what i find helps, is pouring out everything in my head on here, or in my private journal, i just write and write whatever is in my head, otherwise known as venting, i vent here a lot, and cry at night only sometimes.

I learnt early on joining the forum, that being scared of posting on here, is normal, the good thing is anonymity, and that no-one here judges another, we have been there, or are going through it also, or sometimes not yet approached it, but we support each other, i support you.

i hope this helps

Big virtual hugs

[Alessandra1992]

More hugs from here too @peace..and crying in the shower with a loud fan on, plus radio can give you space to cry if you need to let tears flow..a good cry can be cathartic sometimes..
My other suggestion is, can you give your grandson a big hug? Giving a hug still releases those hormones that de-stress us all..oxytocin? Can't remember.. Is your grandson who will understand sometimes a granny just has to hug? I know my boys pretend its horrible, but secretly they like a big hugs from their granny or nanna..
You are safe, and you are welcome here and we care...just type away @kato has nailed the importance of sharing..or journalling..whatever works...
Hugs again.....

[peace]

I couldn't face the world at all yesterday. Just trying to do a little now. My head is poinding and i have tha shakes big time as well as doubling over with pain and lack of energy. Better than yesterday. Other people here tell me to walk, swim generally do stuff i can't even eatand sleep os difficult but all i want to do.
i I am scared now that I may have lost my job. And on top of that just plain embarrassed. I knoe i am viewed as weak and pathetic. I am grateful to @kato and @Alessandra 1992. And @kristin i so vaule your empathy. You are all there for others it's a blessing shared by giver and receiver.

[NikNik]

Hi @peace 

I'm so glad you jumped on here to share what you're going through. We don't want you to go through this alone.

I was glad to read that you're doing better than yesterday. It seems step by step you're getting back on track on track. I think members here will agree with me that you're definitely not viewed as weak or pathetic in here.

In regards to the physical things going on for you at the moment, would I be right in assume the stomach pain and shakes are associated with not being able to eat. I ask just to ensure there's not other medical stuff going on that may need urgent attention  (eg: diabetes).

In my experience,  such levels of anxiety which stop people from eating and sleeping, creates a bit of a loop, in that the physical symptoms that are arise as a consequence would be pushing more anxiety. And around and around the loop continues, until there's a circuit break to stop the cycle.

Based on your previous experiences, what is your circuit breaker?

It could be as simple as eating something that doesn't upset the stomach.. eg: a piece of toast. So that starts to alleviate some of the physical symptoms, which can assist in dealing with the next step.

Or another example is calling a particular helpline, which then reduces the anxiety enough to eat/ sleep.

I agree about @kato, @Alessandra1992 , @kristin and other members of the community being wonderfully empathetic and I also feel that you're a blessing to this community too.

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @peace, please don't jump to thinking what other people think. We can't know what other people think, but I guarantee no one here thinks you're weak or pathetic!

Being embaressed. Heck who doesn't feel embaressed when we feel like we are failing ourselves or others?
The point is, it is a feeling..it is not a fact..
You may not lose your job, and if you had, well I wouldn't want to work where I wasn't supported...

Courage @oeace, confidence things will change!!
Hugs

[Neb]

Ha...I can relate to that.... I have panic attacks going to church currently....claustrobic and anxiety! I sedate myself before going which is insane I think, as I want to go. It is very hot, and really old people wearing cardigans complain if a door is opened....I get very irritable and have a distressing tendency to voice it, this does not win friends.....I HATE apologising afterwards.

I cannot get into seeing a public Psych...as I am not threatening death and mayhem requiring police intervention.

I am looking forward to my mum visiting, but super anxious as well. I hope she does not go critical about everything about me. I find knitting a great soother for me. I hate the heat at present too, I feel very uncomfortable .

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @Neb, if your mum does go super critical..what's your plan for dealing with it? Head her off before she gets started? Turn up the volume on the TV? Walk a lot? I learned to actually repeat back to my mum what she said, so like, clearly I am a crap parent as you just said if I was more strict, less strict whatever her theme was..and now she rarely criticises...I reckon its a learned habit, and I have to confess I do it myself a lot when I get tired...
Fingers crossed this visit will surprise you with how little she criticises..