Don’t want to accept the pain

[creative_writer]

@Gremlin24 I do want to call up tomorrow to make sure the psych is accepting new clients. It can be a bit hard when checking online.

I find it hard to connect with people, I get anxious and often struggle with building that rapport. I have blamed myself time and time again for it

[creative_writer]

Too many thoughts in my head. I feel the memories faintly in my body. I’m scared it’ll get worse

[Gremlin24]

@creative_writer definitely a good idea to check that the are taking on new clients. 

It can be hard to establish that connection and opening up to yet another person is far from easy. Please don't blame yourself from it, you have been through so much and it's not your fault. It's normal to be anxious and that's ok, just take it little steps at a time and remember to breathe 😊

[Gremlin24]

@creative_writer sometimes things do get worse before that get better. But it's all part of the healing process and know that we are here every step of the way to support you. 

[creative_writer]

@Gremlin24 I am worried because many of the good psychs are so busy, but I guess I’ll never know until I ask. I can be on the waitlist if need be.

I’m not sure what’s going on for me. Probably having a bout of body flashbacks. It’s gotten worse now, I’m not sure why my body is doing this right now. I don’t really get them as much as before, but it sort of just happened right now

[Gremlin24]

@creative_writer yes you won't know until you ask. Hopefully if there is a wait it won't be a long one.

Take some deep breaths, It's OK to feel this way. Are you able to do anything to distract yourself, something you enjoy doing? I know it's not nice to sit with but sometimes it's all we can do until it passes. But know you are not alone ♥️

[creative_writer]

@Grimlin24 I’m having dinner. I do hope I feel better afterwards, I’m sensitive to blood sugar falling too low. It is hard to sit feeling the torture all over again. I know it’s not real, but it is so gruesome. I’ve been trying to distract myself but it’s been hard. We can only keep trying. Shame and disgust can feel paralysing

[creative_writer]

Can’t get my brain to settle. I wonder if I need PRN. I feel so gross and disgusting. I’m around other people but still can’t stop thinking

[Gremlin24]

@creative_writer oh I feel you, it's such a tough space to be in. 

What did you have for dinner? 

[creative_writer]

@Gremlin24 I had mince with salad.

I’m having very bad urges now, [removed by moderator] I’m tired of being miserable. I know I can’t afford to take X since it’s hard on the stomach and my stomach is already so messed up now. I hate how hard it is to resist. I’m safe. Maybe I should take the PRN right now without delay, it might prevent things from getting any worse.

I hope you’ve been able to have some dinner 💖