Never being in a relationship

[TheRenegade345]

@tyme 

I never said that it was, I just wish that area of my life was more accessible. I am sick and tired of working on myself and doing all this work. It has gotten me ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE whereas others are living it high on the hog and get to experience all it means to be human.

Everything, all kinds of relationships, are just completely locked off from me.

[tyme]

I wonder if people "living it high on the hog and get to experience all it means to be human" are really happy with their lives? @TheRenegade345 I wonder if the ideal you are looking for doesn't actually exist, and hence you feel you've never attained to it?

Is the grandeur of life just a false pretence that has been built up but is actually not achievable?

[TheRenegade345]

@tyme 

Perhaps not and they may have their own struggles as well, but they cannot be as unhappy as I am due to the fact I have no access to any of that life.

I do take your point about what you are saying. I do believe it exists because I am not asking for much. I just want what others have. Other people have lives where they get to hang out with friends on the weekend or for dinner on Friday nights. Others get to go on holidays with their partners or just have a day hanging out in the city.

I use these examples because these examples are ones I have literally heard others at work say they are doing. There are also examples on these forums I can point out too. I have no access to anything like that despite working on myself for over a decade.

[tyme]

I'm hearing you @TheRenegade345 , and it reminds me of all the holiday photos and the dinners out photos posted on social media. Yet when you go into some of these homes, they are at logger heads and far from happy.

If you lived in their pocket for a day or so, you desire for those things may change. 

At the same time, if that is what you want, is there a way you can start going out yourself? Then maybe others can join you? Maybe it is you who has to make the call and then ask if others want to hangout too? Someone's gotta start it.

[TheRenegade345]

@tyme 

I dont want you to think I am shutting you down but I do all of those things. There are friendships that I have had in the past that only lasted as long as they did due to me carrying it and doing all the effort. The moment that I stopped was when I realised they didn't get as much about the friendship and thats when it just petered out. 

Sometimes when I suggest things, others dont put in the effort to commit. Other times, it gets ignored. I have tried to organise social meetups this year through the website Meetup and got nothing. I am trying so hard and I have got nothing to show for it.

[tyme]

Nah, I don't think you are shutting me down @TheRenegade345 . I'm just wondering if what you are wanting actually exists in life? Roses and all (including the thorns). 

I just don't want you to be deceived in aiming for something unattainable.

What about singles cruises or bus tours?

[TheRenegade345]

@tyme 

I don’t think what I want is unattainable or doesn’t exist. It’s just what everyone else has.

what are singles cruises? I’ve never heard of them? 

[tyme]

I can't say I have what you are describing, but I'm more than happy not to have it @TheRenegade345 . Conversely, I've seen so so so many families who have money, go on holidays, are in relationships, have kids etc, but when you go into their homes, there is so much heartache and pain. I see more and more of it every week. Their lives look grand, they have 2 porches at home, their kids go to a $40k private school... yet, at home, they are miserable.

I don't covet any of it. And it's not just one or two families. I see it every day.

Anyway, that's my experience.

On another note, singles cruises are cruises for those who are single... not sure how else to explain lol.

[TheRenegade345]

@tyme 

I 100% understand what you mean. There are plenty of relationships out there that are struggling and are not in a good place. However, that doesn't take into account the many others out there that are successful. What's the difference between the two? Well, in the latter they would have worked on themselves whereas the former they would not have.

I have spent the last 10 years or more working on being the person who I am today. I have had to repeatedly justify either my positions or even my very existence to so many people over the years that I am finally at my tether with it all. I am sick of being gaslit about lots of struggling relationships out there when there are plenty out there that are working. The examples you describe are ones where they have clearly overextended themselves. I wouldn't want to live in a grand house or with expensive cars or have kids going to fancy private schools. I dont mind living a bit of a Spartan life, I just want the opportunity to demonstrate my worth to someone else and that has never looked like happening.

It annoys me off to no end seeing the countless numbers of people who have not done nearly the work I have had to do to be where I am today. I was once selectively mute and couldn't even speak to girls at all. At one point, I could barely speak to anyone as my brain would shut down completely. I had no idea why this was the case and I spent the next 15 years wondering why I couldn't speak to anyone properly and why I found socialising really challenging. It was only this year that I finally realised why I struggle with dating. I had undiagnosed ADHD/ASD. I had been compensating for this for the best part of 15 years where if it had been identified, then I could have been treated for it and I could be in a better place than what I am now. 

This is the work I have had to do to just survive on this godforsaken planet and I am yet to have the opportunity to actually live the life I want to live. I am still not sure what I am meant to do with my ASD/ADHD now. I dont know how to build proper social skills. I have tried the various ASD/ADHD websites but I never hear back from them.

This is the reason why women have never acknowledged my existence or why I am routinely ignored by everyone. I am trying my very best and I keep getting ignored all the time. Please dont gaslight me about bad relationships. I am acutely aware of them, I have done the work, I will not settle, and I know what I want. I am tired of having to justify myself time and time again and I still get misunderstood, dismissed, invalidated, or brushed aside. I have had enough of it.

[tyme]

I'm hearing how much effort you have put in @TheRenegade345 . I can only imagine how exhausting it must be. 

Since you have put in all the hard work, is it worth giving up now?