What sort of planning have you done for old age?

[PeppiPatty]

Oh @Jacques

Oh.....you have set your boat, you are ready to sail....that is Wonderfiul 

So so creative 

You might not be ' doing ' it but i feel it shows where your creativity is going. Yes. 

Hour writing has given me insight on how my son is.

Thankyou sincerely, from  

@justanother47yr 

[Jacques]

Hi @Mazarita,

Please don't feel like you have to, i understand how much anonimity is to us, i feel the same and understand, i can't even have my picture taken becasue of fear.  i am sure you are wonderful in it

yes you are right,  we do need to keep that negativity in check, we all do things and should not compair ourselves to others, but sometimes it is hard not to.

[Jacques]

Hi @Appleblossom,

it is good he is at least hetting help, he is doing more than me.  yes i have only got into gardening in the last 4 yers, so i totally understand.  it is good he helps out with the big stuff though, sounds like he is very caring.  it is good you are being so proactive getting your son back on track, mum tried to do that for me, but unfortuantly it was too late for me.  i wish your son all the best.

yes i think you are right, the negative stereotypes of poor people contrubites a lot to their mental wellbeing, i know being under attack from society everyday mum's friends hate people like me and i have even had comments from strangers too. 

yes we do have positive traits, but society does not/ unwilling to accept anything other than perfection, it is so sad.  society can't see past the imperfections.

yes i wish i could not think this way about how my mother has suffered, but seeing her crying because i was unable to see her family and scared of strangers has made her life so hard, not to mention the financial toll i have taken on her, she is struggling with my illness, not knowing what to do.

Take Care

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi @PeppiPatty,

Thankyou, i have built 6 of them over the past 7 years, i have one HMS Beagle i was building but only got it half finished.  most of the boats are about 1.5 meters high.  maybe one day i will be able to get back to it.

i am glad i am able to help you see how your son is feeling, even thoguh i am at the extreme end of the MI spectrum.

You are such a special woman and mum, i really hope things work out for you and your son.

Take Care

Jacques

[Linmerc]

Hi Jacques

I hope you don't mind but I have been quietly 'listening' to your posts as a bystander and I would like to join in on the conversation.

I was totally amazed about the boat you built, you should be so proud. I understand you have had to put this hobby on the 'back burner' due to the shaking, as it's such intricate work. My husband also has the shaking. Tell yourself you will return to this past-time at a later stage. In the meantime, replace it with something else, have you thought about jigsaws. I find some great jigsaws in my local op shop. Some are quite detailed and challenging. My husband and I work on them together (even when he is shaking) we talk, and its great to pass the time.

Jacques, I used to be a runner but after a knee operation, I was unable to continue with this sport. I was devastated. So I thought, OK this is what life has thrown at me I have to find an alternative. I tried doing other activities and found I enjoy swimming and water aerobics (no pressure on the knees) I also try to walk. These new activities will never replace my love of running but at least I am doing something else I enjoy.

Your mum sounds great and I'm sure she worries about you and the life you have chosen. Never think she deserved a better son, we do not have a choice when we are given children that, I believe, is made by a higher power. I'm sure she only wants the best for you and to see you happy and settled. I love my children and would do anything within my power to help them, even on days when I don't like them because they are doing my head in. I gave them life but they are also giving me life.

We are all so fortunate to have this forum where we can declog our thoughts with people that understand and care. I can never thank the other members enough.

Please take care of yourself and work on having a positive outlook on life.

Stay strong!

[Jacques]

Hi @Linmerc,

Please join, i am happy to meet new people on the forum

Thankyou, yes most of the work is so intricate, the figures are about the size of your fingernail, they all have to be painted and some of the things the ropes have to go through are about 1/4 the size of your finger nail,  i have t ouse 2 pairs of tweezers just to do it,  so i am sure you can understand why i cant do it anymore, i miss it though,  they are meant to be in a museum, too big to put into a house.

i am slowly loosing interest in everything, finding it hard to get the motivation to move.  i have a jigsaw puzzle, i will take your advice and do one, thank you.

sorry to hear your husbandis having such a hard time at the moment, i hope he can get some help with it.

i am so sorry to hear about your injury,  i damaged my knee when i was 9 in a BMX crash, so i can't run either, it is good you have found other forms of excercise, it is really important.  i walk every morning, and used to ride and do weights, but since christmas i have lost the motivation to ride or do weights, hence the reason for the huge weight gain.  the weight i had lost over the past 7 years i have put on in 4 months, so dimoralising.

i know that mothers don't get to choose their children, but her brothers and sisters all have fully functioning children and i am the only loser in the family, and to boot i am an only child so she has no other children to be proud of.  i just feel sorry that she had to have me for a son, she deserved so much better.

it is good you have that sort of attitude to your children, so many parents don't care about their kids, i think that is why MI is so prevelant now, we have a lost generation because of the need for more money or things, or hollidays......

yes the other memebers as well as yourself are amazing, so understanding and caring.

i will try to look at life more positively, but my depression usually takes over, i am tired of fighting it.  just worn out.

Thankyou for the kind message, hope to speak to you soon.  Take Care

Jacques

[Appleblossom]

@Jacques

I felt you would have lots of positive traits.  I would love to see some more pictures of your boats. Have you thought of scupture on a medium to large scale? Hands on clay or wood might help settle the shaking.Maybe thats a lousy idea asYou might get frustrated if you smudge things, but are there other remedies doctors etc have to help?  Or maybe just start something totally new. I started drumming and recorder in my old age, but maybe that would drive your mum mad lol

Society is so far from perfect anybody who thinks that it is needs their head read. Its hard because we are all connected to different people by different reasons, attractions etc Dont take on superficial people's judgements.

I saw an ex-uncle by marriage at a funeral recently and his Tardive Dyskinesia after 40 years of meds was very disconcerting to see. I just had to hug him. He was helpful when I was very young. He had an MA in Psych and helped me with an essay and told me to learn about developmental psychology. I babysat for them and he paid me in taking me out and helping me buy a bicycle, which was very useful.  It was the care and going through the issues that made a huge impact on me. He was also upfron about his diagnosis of MD then, I am going back a while. He was not perfect was generous with hash, but on balance  was more caring than my blood relatives in many ways.I always tell his kids that to help them with family divisions. Oh and he taught me most about cooking which is a basic life skill.  I have fight-back ethic in the cause of MI sufferers.

My ex was terrified of getting TD and showed me all the symptoms in a pharmacy book so I helped him come off his anti-psychotics over 18 months.  he stayed off them for 30 years and has mostly stayed offf illicit substances and has just the odd drink.  So though our marriage did not work I tell my son there are many success stories in it.

[Jacques]

Sorry @Former-Member,

i seem to have taken the conversation "off track" , please anyone wanting to talk to me or see photos please join in 14th year house bound.

once again @Former-Member what a great topic, i will try not to take it off topic again.

Thank you all

Jacques

[Former-Member]

No problem @Jacques   It's been a really interesting conversation.  And I think that hobbies are actually connected to a positive experience in old age.  I can remember hearing years ago that Police Officers had really short retirements.  They simply didn't last too long once they left the job.  There would be lots of contributing factors, like the physical impact of shift work, but some of it was thought to relate to how all-consuming their job had been.  During their career they hadn't tended to make connections within their community and hadn't developed interests outside of work.  So now they are encouraged to do this during their career so it doesn't seem like their whole lives scream to an abrupt halt at retirement.

This is a long way of saying - hobbies have a lot of contribute to staying well and happy througout our lives!

Also @Mazarita, I was so impressed to read that you'd done the housing research.  Ultimately that was what the report and this thread was about - to encourage people to at least examine their options and have the necessary conversations.  Well done for taking these steps.  I hope the answer becomes clearer over time.