What is 'normal'?

[NikNik]

Hi everyone,

Over the past 1.5 years here on the Forums, I have noticed many people refer to 'normal'

Things like 'I just want to feel/be normal', 'I'm back to normal', 'recovery is about being normal' and then on the other end of the spectrum 'Normal is boring' 'there's no such thing as normal'

I have pondered this many times and after seeing some of @Terry 's post who talks alot about not trusting 'normal' people,

I was inspired to ask everyone -

What is "normal"?

What is a "normal person"?

Is there a such thing as "normal"?

Is being 'normal' a good or bad thing?

I want to premise these questions with an acknowledgement that everyone will have different definitions of 'normal' and we all need to respect each others opinion.

This is one of those topics that truly has no right or wrong answer 🙂

[Terry]

There is no such thing as normal but you try telling normal people that. Hee hee!

[Billamba]

I strive desperatly to be 'normal' but I also dont know what exactly I define as normal either. 

To me being normal is definetely a good thing. I guess normal is a spectrum and there is a normal range as opposed to a normal point. 

I guess being normal to me is not having to see a mental health proffesional just to survive. Not having suicidal thoughts. Having feelings that chnage based on situations, circumstances but that arent constantly extreme.

And at the same time I believe everyone has mental health - most of which flactuate freuently. Its when your mental health interfeers with your life and your ability to function that its not normal. 

I dont know. I just know I would love to be more 'normal'.

[Terry]

'Normal' is a cycle on the washing machine.  I find that soaking 'normal' people in Napisan* before you wash removes any hard-to-shift stains.

* product placement. (Explanation: I am aiming to get companies to sponsor me to blog here. Hee hee!).

OK, on a serious note: No, of course there is no such thing as 'normal' but STIGMA most definitely exists.  There is even a pecking order with people with mental illnesses - with those with anxiety at the top, then depression, then bipolar and lastly schizophrenia.  I have bipolar, which makes me 'inferior' to those with anxiety and depression, but you'll be hard-pressed to get the better of me, at least in print!

If any 'normal' person tries to discriminate against you, I find that standing on your head in the corner whilst clapping and yelling 'i'm a banana' usually gets rid of them.  hee hee!

[Terry]

I have nearly run out of pizza and am worried that I will have to go outside this year and/or ring the pizza shop again 😞

[Terry]

Nb.  I know i'm arrogant.  I hope you can all forgive me for that and hopefully enjoy at least some of my posts for humour and substance.  thank and god bless.

[Mazarita]

I've heard 'normal is a cycle on a washing machine' before and like it so much I have spread it around in my 'real' life. 

I too am still fairly afraid of people who present as 'normal' and have always been drawn more to oddballs like myself (whether diagnosed or not). I especially fear the question from new people, 'What do you do?' (I'm on disability for bipolar and crohns disease). I don't know how to explain myself at this point without immediately 'coming out' about illness (which I'd prefer not to do on first meeting with someone). I have found over many years that many 'normal' people will at the least be uncomfortable with my response and may withdraw from me after that (or I withdraw from them out of embarrassment). Some appear to be disapproving and may overtly express this. Or I might then be given the third degree about how sick I really am etc (I look fairly well and always have, even when I was about to have major surgery on my gut, and even when I was suicidal). This is all stigma in action from my point of view and has given me anxiety for decades. Nonetheless, not everyone is like this, even those who are apparently very 'normal'.

I do these days strive for greater balance and stability in my life to counterract the bipolarity. I am working towards more day to day functionality than I have had but none of this is driven by wanting to be 'normal'. I am simply trying to find better wellbeing in my life. Balance, stability and basic functionality seem like the best direction to point myself at this time. 

Still, I do wish I could find a less awkward way to negotiate my contact with the 'normal' working world. I don't hate them and wouldn't mind at all feeling more accepted as a valid part of humanity, despite illness.

[Terry]

Agreed.  I think there are two points from your post worth noting for anyone with a mental illness.  Firstly, of course there is, in reality, no such thing as normal (in fact, 'strangely', it is looking increasingly likely that ALL people go through some sort of mental illness at some point), and secondly, that there is indeed an all-pervasive stigma and that is that people with mental illnesses are 'not normal'.  Recognising both these points is important.  I have no idea how someone stops self-stigmatising - I struggle with it.  I often remember that Sidney Poitier the black American actor and a trail-blazer for black rights, always considered racism to be the problem of the racist, and not his problem - that is, he never 'took it on board'.  I don't know how/if he achieved this but it is also worth noting that he was in psychotherapy for most of his adult life.  No man or woman is an island.

[Terry]

ps. please don't insult yourself thus:- 'oddballs'.  i was a lot more 'together' before the mental health system got hold of me some two decades ago.  you have to sift through the rubble of what the buggas do to you but you will find those gems again.  do NOT put yourself down, EVER.  you don't have to self-stigmatise and it is very important to recognise the damage that the mental health system does in order to have a good chance of fixing it.  life will never be the same, but all human beings have to deal with that realisation over some issue/s or other in their lifetime.

[Mazarita]

I use the term 'oddball' in an affectionate way really. I have been drawn to unusual people is a 'straighter' way of saying it. But, you're right about self-stigma, there is that in me for sure and I'm not sure how to deal with it either.

But I don't agree that it is a universal 'truth' that the mental health care system wrecks everyone. I've been a recipient of mental health care on and off for 25 years and have had some bad experiences. But I also may not be alive without some of the good support I've received. 

I tend not to believe in absolute truths of any kind. The mental health 'system' may be bad (the whole system of capitalism we live in seems bad to me). But what happens with individual practitioners and clients is a different matter. Many of us still manage to be helped by individuals working within the 'system'.