Lived Experience Forum

[Glisten]

Well written @Jynx 

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your article.

The only time I didn’t have a problem with time blindness was when I was working full-time and overtime in an office. 
Had clock on the computer, clock on the phone and 3 clocks throughout the office.

G

[Jynx]

Haha @Glisten clocks for days!!

Gee it helps though. 

[Shaz51]

Ha ha @Glisten , @Jynx 

Clocks everywhere here, every room , car , watches , phones and they can all show a different times 

[SaffronBlue]

Hello!

Thanks for sharing.

Just a bit of background: I'm in the same boat - I have also just been diagnosed with ADHD and autism. I've been working on my trauma (c-PTSD), which has caused me depression and anxiety (my original diagnoses from over a decade ago), but nothing seems to be working. I looked more closely into ADHD and autism, and found that I could relate. Then I pursued getting a proper diagnosis to get another basis for different types of treatment. And here I am today, "experimenting". 

I've also lost many connections in the last few years. My saving grace, funnily enough, is my avoidant behaviour, which seems to have taken over. So in that sense, I haven't really felt as lonely - because I have "enjoyed" being bothered less by others (I'm a people-pleaser too!). But if I look at myself from a third person perspective, I somehow know that I have a pretty company-less existence. At times, I definitely feel the pangs of being un-lovable too, especially in the romantic sense.

Something that has definitely helped me is understanding that there are many forms of love. That it can come from many different sources, and manifest in many different ways. I am often reminded of self-love - I'm STILL having to work on it - but that is one love that I realise I can cultivate (even if slowly).

One thing I'm really grateful for: my dog! Even if he seems to love everybody, he has plenty of affection for me. I appreciate that when he gets scared or when he is unsure, I'm his go-to person. I love caring for him, and he often reminds me of the small things in life that make a difference (from smelling the roses, taking a break, or having a bit of a play). 

So, if I have one advice, it'll be to start with yourself - just understanding what you need/ want to begin with. Then trying to fulfil those - even if one-by-one, even if not exactly. One day, it does begin to feel better. 

It doesn't quite end there - it's a continual process. But it's like going up a ladder (going up with progress), rather a never-ending hamster-wheel.

I'm also still trying to grasp this completely. But I hope it is somewhat helpful to you, as well.

[Jynx]

@SaffronBlue hey friendo! Welcome to the club 😁💜

Thanks so much for sharing some of your story with us! I can relate to a lot of it, especially the part about feeling 'unlovable' - it was the highest scoring schema for me when I did schema therapy! And I am also a recovering people-pleaser. It's a tough path, but I think I've really found some balance of late, and getting my ADHD diagnosis has been a huge part of that! Understanding myself in this whole new context has been amazing, like getting language to describe my experiences (i.e. Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria), getting medicated, and realising that no, I'm not broken, my brain is just wired different!

I too had a journey of learning about different kinds of love, and how they are all valid and important for us in nourishing ourselves. I think we are all impacted by strong social narratives (like the rom-com idea that everyone has one true love, one soulmate, and that this one person is somehow meant to fulfill all of our needs - a very toxic idea as it turns out) and taking the time to dismantle them can really help in finding acceptance and satisfaction in our relationships. It's kinda why I became a Relationship Anarchist!! If you're curious about it, I am always happy to ramble on about it - it's one of my special interests haha. 

Our fur babies really are such incredible supports - they're family, they're light in the darkness, they're the bright spark that makes my day so often! I have two cats and love em both to pieces. 

Yep, starting with learning to recognise our own needs is huge! Seems so obvious, but can be SUCH a challenge, especially for recovering people-pleasers - always putting others' needs first meant that I stopped actually seeing my own! But I'm way better at it now, and it's always a work-in-progress but work that is very much worth doing. 

Hope that you find some wonderful connections here on the forums, and if you ever want to chat just tag me 😊💜

[greenspace]

Hi @SaffronBlue congrats on getting your AuDHD diagnoses. 

I was diagnosed with ADHD two years ago, and am wondering whether I have stamina (and money) to have an autism assessment. my mental health OT seems pretty sure I'm autistic, and it makes sense, but I think as well as concerns about the cost of being assessed by a clin psychologist or a psychiatrist, I have internalised stigma about being autistic. 

and have already had people treat me differently just knowing that I'm probably autistic, including my psychotherapist, who should know better than to start making assumptions about me once she heard I'm seeking an autism assessment... 

but yeah, understanding my brain better is helpful, and having the language, as @Jynx said, helps me be more compassionate towards myself, helps me explain to others (who may or may not get it) when I'm overwhelmed, or fawning, or going into shutdown...

I've just realised today that I'm sad that my diagnoses are only happening in my 50s, not just for all the lost potential, all the self-doubt and struggle of my childhood, teens, 20s, 30, 40s -- but because my mum died 13 years ago, and I wish I could talk with her about this. My mum was clearly neurodivergent, but never diagnosed/recognised. My dad also is, and he acknowledged that in an email to me, but doesn't want to talk about it, particularly not with other family members... 

[Jynx]

Hi friends!! Been fossicking for memes as per usual, and found some gems!! 😁

@ArraDreaming  @greenspace @SaffronBlue @Shaz51 @Glisten @Newstory @Losingmyshiz @borke09 @Halster @Bubala 

PS I know this is an autism meme but it does somewhat apply, and considering the overlap of folks with both ADHD/ASD, figured it's still worth sharing!

[Glisten]

@Jynx  Gold absolute gold G

[Shaz51]

Right on @Jynx 😁

Hello @Bipolar-II , this is the Adhd thread 🙂

[Shaz51]

Hello @Glisten 😄