Lived Experience Forum

[Queenie]

I am sure it's the heat that has something to do with this. Today my voices came back. I have been up since very early this morning with them. I have been taking my medication religiously and have been sticking to a good diet with plenty of water rather than soft drink or caffeine. They are so troublesome. I feel so let down. Why why why?

Sometimes it really does suck to be me.

[Queenie]

I really want to share what is so bothersome but they won't let me speak to anyone properly. Not even my Mrs. 

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Queenie 

I thought that meds do not really cure or completely remove voices.

They only help manage symptoms and reduce the severity .. so allowing possible work and some therapy to have effect.

It is my understanding that recurring negative experiences like that are tied up with energy from subconscious ...

working with it .... externalising it somehow ... is YOU reclaiming YOUR power from past trauma ...

[eth]

Hi @Queenie  I'm here if you do want to talk.  Sending warm wishes for more clarity today.

[Queenie]

Hey @Appleblossom, you're probably right in your knowledge of voices and causes of them. Me, I haven't been to therapy in months. I am kind of looking for a new therapist to be honest, as I wasn't satisfied with how my last psychologist left me hanging after EMDR. It was like ripping the bandaids off of a fresh wound. Maybe that's my fault and I wasn't ready? I don't know.

My voices plaqued me all last night and continue into today. They are saying really violent things (things I cannot repeat). 

I was awoken very early (like 5am after only getting to sleep about 2am) by the MIL. I feel wrecked and I have college tomorrow. 

Thank you @eth for your kindness and you too Appleblossom, you are truly wonderful people.

[eth]

Really hope things settle for you and you get good rest tonight @Queenie and that you get through the day at college tomorrow ok.  

[Queenie]

I went to college today, voices and all. It was a very tiring experience. No rest for the wicked as they say though, I came home and made dinner for the family and did some assignment work. Now I have to make lunches for college tomorrow.

I am surprised I am managing... just. The voices make life difficult but not impossible I guess.

[Appleblossom]

It is not an easy road. I am glad you are finding some ways through it all @Queenie

Part of the problem with voices that are nasty is that there are a lot of reasons why it is difficult to express them, and so they stay stuck inside, whether through shame, or fear, embarrassment.  I spent a lot of time speaking out loud what came into my head, as my attempt to deal with the overwhelm and negativity.  I figured if it was just verbal and not actual then it was least harm.  

Take Care of you while taking care of your family.

[Queenie]

Thank you for thinking of me and my family @Appleblossom. I appreciate that.

I am still hearing them but right now it is more frustrating than anything. You see, this afternoon I suffered an accident in the family home and now am nursing a bit of a concussion and a large bruise on my head. I guess in hindsight the accident itself is laughable but I am not laughing because I cannot watch tv or read a book as it hurts to concentrate (literally).

Anyhoo I am logging off for tonight. I might lie still in the dark as bright lights hurt.

[Appleblossom]

Oooo dear @Queenie

Hope it heals soon.