Heartbroken

[Indymom14]

I have been with a friend through a lot and helped this person through a prison stint making his life easier. We stayed together for a while but him continueously telling me that he just wanted to be my friend but he didn't want me to be with anyone else. After pushing the issue for us to be a couple he decided it wasn't healthy for us to talk anymore and completely cut me out of his life. I am so hurt and cry constantly and I miss him so much. Am I taking this harder because of my BPD? Is this normal? My heart and stomach hurt all the time and I don't ever want to go through this hurt again. I feel so betrayed and abandoned. I'm trying to find some kind of closure or something to help me move on from this devastation. It has made me close to being suicidal. Please give me some insight on what to do. No medication is going to help me get through this. My heart will never recover! 😞

[Jaxy]

Hi there @Indymom14,

It sounds like you've been through so much and are feeling betrayed by this person you cared deeply about. It is completely understandable to feel hurt and rejected after experiencing something like this. I can hear you are having a really difficult time at the moment and I'm sure there are many people on the forum who will be able to contribute to this post and offer support. 

May I also suggest that if you are feeling particularly down and would like someone to talk to, Lifeline is a fantastic service that you could call  on 13 11 14. It can really help talking to someone on the phone. 

Kind regards,

Jaxy

[Indymom14]

I appreciate your concern and kind words. I'm not sure I am ever going to get over my ex especially after all we went through together. It helped to type it out and knowing someone cared enough to respond to my post. Thank you so much!

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Indymom14,

Heartache, I think, is one of the most stressful things that one can endure, but you CAN endure.

To add this, having BPD, may mean that you're experiencing very intense feelings. 

Bearing in mind that I'm no expert here, and that people with BPD can vary in symptoms, my understanding is that people with BPD can experience very intense emotions that are difficult to contain. They may also experience a strong sense of abandoment, and insecurity in relationship, which can impact on their sense of self. 

Though I do want to add here that most people going through a break-up, will experience grief. And the sense of loss you describe seems natural. For some, the emotions can be so overwhelming, that they can have suicidal thoughts (as @Jaxy mentioned, please contact crisis services if things get too much).

But please know, that this will pass. Grief, though painful, is an important emotion and process. It shows us that what we had and felt was really, and that there a time that is needed to honour this. It's ok to experience these emotions. Just do what you need for you right now. Perhaps that's crying and listening to sad music, or maybe it's watching trashy movies. 

In the past when I've gone through a break-up, the thing that worked best for me was (as cliche as it sounds) was self love. Even if it doesn't feel geniune at first, do things to love you. Get your hair done, or hang out with others that love you. 

I wonder if anyone else has any advice to get through a break up?

CherryBomb

[Quandi]

Re: Heartbroken
I relate to your feelings of pain and suffering so much heartache 😞 lll pray for you and I'm sending you warm kind loving Healing energy 🙂 as for my experience currently ...
I've been admitted into a psych ward from a severe suicide attempt after my fiancé of four years abandoned and physically abused me for the fourth time and called police and recorded the whole thing making me look insane because I'm heartbroken and now homeless and completely petrified and being judged by others as " mental " or "psycho" it is not a good system we have for people suffering MH issues police and nurses and doctors have bullied lied and threatened me and all I want is to be with my partner and love him unconditionally as I always have regardless of his abuse and his mental health issues and drug/ alcohol dependence I feel I cannot live or survive without my partner and don't know how to get him back or where I'll go if and when I'm discharged they've also suddenly stopped my meds which is making my anxiety even worse so my thoughts and loving kindness are with you heartache I relate all to well and hope you have some support at least ... All I have is myself and it is scary as hell

[Indymom14]

Quandi,

Thank you for responding to my post. Your situation sounds fairly similar to mine. My ex also called the police on me and had me sent to a hospital after I caught him cheating and I showed up at his cabin to confront him. I did go in uninvited but this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't lied. After he called the police I was finally convinced no one was there I said I'm going to the bathroom and then I'll go before the police arrive. I started to go to the other side of the cabin and he freaked out and smashed my arm in the door. After impulsively doing so he pulled the door back and did it again on purpose. He still swears no one was there and this was my fault because I shouldn't have went to his cabin. When the police arrived he told them that I was delusional and thought we were in a relationship and they took me to the hospital supposedly to look at my arm but because I was sobbing they kept me in a psych ward for 3 days. I was finally released and the next day I helped him to move. Only to be pushed away even more. After about a month he was completely released from his parole and probation. Totally off the radar and he didn't need me anymore he decides I'm not healthy for him to talk to anymore. This was in September and I have been completely distraught. He was everything to me. I would have went to the ends of the earth for him and still would. I was just someone to use and discard when not needed any longer. This has made my self esteem void and my self worth in the toilet. I cry constantly and have lost a couple of jobs because of it. I can't stop myself from emailing him. (He has me blocked in every other way). I wonder what is wrong with me. He sent me a picture of a girl he was seeing once and he said she is a keeper. What does that make me? Sorry for going on and on but this really does help. Your situation sounded so similar it was scary. How can they turn the situation around to act like we are crazy when we did nothing wrong but show how much we love and care about them? When did that become a bad thing?

Thanks again! Please feel free to respond again. I do not have much of a support system. My family is all over and I have like 2 friends. They are all tired of hearing me cry and nobody understands how I feel. They don't understand that I'm mentally sick and can't handle this like a normal person. I still love him and I am never going to get over him ever. I'm done because I never want to feel this way or go through this again. No one will ever fill that void that he deserted. Hang in there because you're not alone.