Lived Experience Forum

[Jayneinpain]

I know about many of the things you mentioned. Last Sunday was my brithday as well as Mother's Day. I have 3 adult children and didn't hear from any of them. I know they don't know a lot of my story and I tried to protect them from it when they were young. As they got older they didn't want to know.

Bullying is something that just seems to be on the rise in every field of life. I have often been bullied for being 'clever' (in school a long time ago, by my husband and in the workforce) and for being fat (since very early childhood to now). 

I was given a new name to contact about a rental and after a few phone calls to get the right person, she is going to see me tomorrow morning. Hopefully, this might be a possibility. It is a the top of my affordability range, but there does seem to be a lot of work available here. As long as I stay well, I will be right.

I do want to live. I missed so much of life over the years that i am looking forward to discovering what is out there. My senses are just waiting to get out there and experience life as me. Not someone's unwanted child, unwanted wife, unwanted mother, dying patient, crazy women - just me. 57 years old, short, very round, sensitive, creative, musical, artistic, hungry for knowedge and experiences, caring and with a smile that still gets good reviews. I want to love and be loved. 

[Jayneinpain]

@HenryX 

I have been dealing with other things, you are correct. I have been dealing with the historical child sexual abuse with the Police. While this has been hard work, it has also been empowering and literally life-changing. Because it has a long way before getting to court, I can't say too much. I have been very fortunate with the Police officer who has taken on my case. He has gone above and beyond any professional requirements and that has kept me going through the months of preparation, hours and hours of statements and other things that have been happening that I can't disclose. It is what pushed be toward taking a step in a new direction.

This also linked with the issues with my health as I wrote of in my first post. Back in November the doctors thought they had run out of tricks and things were looking "short-term". The process with the Poice has allowed me to feel I could take charge of my health decisions and treatment options. Medicaly, I am more fit now than I was nearly six years ago when I was first diagnosed. I am no longer going to listen to their doom and gloom. I am trying to enjoy my life for whatever time I have left.

I am aware there are organisations out there that I can speak with. However, I never find that very helpful. However, I must say that I am finding this chatting a great deal of help. It makes so much difference when you can feel that the other person understands from their own experience not from a text book.

Thank you again for your insight.

Jayne

[HenryX]

@Jayneinpain 

Hello Jayne,

Thank you so much for responding and I very much appreciate the detail behind what you have written.

I am on my way out now, so I hope that we will be able to talk more

Thank you again

With My Very Best Wishes

HenryX

[HenryX]

@Jayneinpain 

Hello Jayne

On Tuesday, you spoke positively about your interaction with the police and one officer in particular. I hope that the work that you have put into the preparation of statements and documents accomplishes what you wish to achieve. It is also good to know that being able to present your case has given you a renewed feeling of life being worthwhile and the desire to seek new opportunities.

It appears that feeling more healthy now than you did six years ago has also contributed to the desire to push forward to new goals. Are you addressing your health issues in an holistic direction? Your comments seem to indicate so. I like the comment:

“I am no longer going to listen to their doom and gloom. I am trying to enjoy my life for whatever time I have left.”

I do understand that we are fortunate with technology allowing us different alternatives in terms of how we access support. Telephone helplines, 1:1 text chat, group therapy, forums, such as this one, etc, and being offered by different organisations. Different “horses for different courses” applies to our use of any particular resource. I, like you, find that the forum environment suits me very well. And I agree there is a big difference between corresponding with another person who, while possibly having different experiences to our own, can still understand the feelings associated with our respective experiences, rather than what can sometimes seem like “textbook knowledge”. I have been fortunate in having received good counselling advice. I believe the theoretical and practical compliment each other and act as a measure, each for the other.

My week has been fairly full, dinner with friends on Tuesday night, Wednesday, a 2 hour drive, each way, for medical and optician appointments with a bit of other shopping included.

Thursday, a singing session, in the morning, at the local residential aged care centre and helping a friend with some mechanical work in the afternoon. And here I am today.

I hope your week has been pleasant and productive, in particular, with respect to accommodation and work.

With Best Wishes

HenryX

[Jayneinpain]

@HenryX 

Hi there,

Yes, you are correct in your comments. The experience with the Police has allowed me to feel I am in control of so much more of my life. I'm not sure if you are in the age group to remember the movie "Monsters Inc". There was a character that was called Sulley. He is blue, furry and very tall. I felt like I had been wandering through my life with this huge monster looking over my shoulder since childhood. After the work I did with the Police, I was able to see him as a 6" gonk doll. I made myself one so I could remind myself that I had control.

I am very much using an holistic approach to my health. I am already aware of the changes I have been able to achieve by accepting my health issues instead of fighting them, controlling my breathing (still working on that one), asking myself if a decision serves my soul and,I suppose, accepting myself. Some of it must be working because I have had two ladies I have met in town comment on my "beautiful" smile.

I have tried many different forms of counselling over the years. Some have been a disaster (one psychiatrist went to sleep in our session) while others have often been ok but haven't seemed to make any real difference. I have been speaking to a counsellor over the last couple of months and she has helped and supported me through several issues. I think for me, and perhaps for others, that you have to be in the right place emotionally, mentally and physically (and perhaps spiritually) for things to be able to change.

My big news of the week is that I have found somewhere to call home. I will start moving in later this afternoon and finish tomorrow. It is only a small unit but it is still somewhere to hang my hat and grow some plants and start living the new life I have been planning. I hope to create a bit of a Hygge feel to the unit. Maybe it is my Danish blood, but the Hygge decoration and lifestyle is definitely appealing to me. 

I was reading in your posts that you are east of Geraldton. I was in Geraldton a few years ago. I did love it. I loved sitting at the Dome cafe and watching the activity in the harbour. I also loved the maritime museum and the art gallery. I hope to get back there one day. I came east again when I got sick and the specialist started talking about chemo. My friend in Queensland said I couldn't do chemo on my own, so the dog and I drove back to SW Qld in 3 days. 

I hope to get back to Kangaroo Island next week to visit with a friend who is having surgery today. I think she might need a bit of help for a week or two. I have other friends there who want to see me too. Once I get back to my new 'home' around the start of June, I will be settling into work and volunteer activities.

So I may not be on here very much but I would like to stay in touch if that is ok with you. I hope this message finds you happy and well. 

Jayne

[HenryX]

@Jayneinpain 

Hi Jayne

Your recent experience with the police seems to have been very positively affirming. I do remember the character of Sulley, but did not know his name. The way that you have reversed the role of the monster and the doll sounds like a major transition in your life.

Personal health responds so readily to self awareness and mindfulness. Evidently expressed through your smile. Your observation about accepting the health issues we have, both the good aspects and the ones that we cannot change is, I think appropriate, instead of using our energy in an often futile attempt to change what may be unchangeable. Acceptance of self is, I believe, so important. This way we do not squander and waste our life energy. That does not mean that we should never try to change anything, but rather, be judicious.

I think that your observation;

“that you have to be in the right place emotionally, mentally and physically (and perhaps spiritually) for things to be able to change.”

is true. I would extend that to circumstance, environment, and personalities. If all those factors are involved, imagine the possible mathematical permutations that influence success or otherwise in a counselling format. The two people, being the client and the counsellor contribute only a part in the process toward the possible outcomes. All the more important that, if we do want to change anything in our lives that we work to find the best possible facilitator for our purposes. We then need to think and feel that our goals are worthwhile and achievable. Otherwise, I can only imagine that it would be best to leave them alone and live our lives around what we cannot change.

It's great to hear that you have found yourself suitable accommodation. From the description of the way you would like it to be, it will not be just functional, but rather a place that you feel welcomes you when you arrive home.

Geraldton is now an oasis in the trip north from Perth. When I went there 30 years ago, it seemed to me to be a place that was all but forgotten. The aging railway infrastructure, including the line and buildings dominated the front of the town, then extended onto the port and wharves. It has changed a great deal since then and is now a rather pleasant and enjoyable place to visit. As you describe, the Dome cafe is in the centre of the town beach and the harbour and wharves seem to have retreated and are, at least interesting. The museum and art gallery are focal points in the city.

Kangaroo Island, I remember from a scouting exercise when I was very much younger. It was an interesting hike along the length of the island. I would imagine that the whole atmosphere of the island has changed since then, from what I see on news and travel programs.

I do like to keep contact with the people with whom I have corresponded on the forum so I will look forward to hearing about your progress and would be pleased to respond, as appropriate, to your posts.

With Best Wishes

HenryX

[Clawde]

Hello sweetheart nice so nice to read your post @Jayneinpain @great posting you do keep up the great work sharing our lives on this is important at this time it all helps the rest of us so Thankyou from :@Clawde and the rest of us reading along your safe here with us and you enrich our life's Thankyou so much 💋👂👍

[HenryX]

@Clawde 

Hello Clawde, 

Thank you very much for your positive comments Clawde. I do notice that you follow many of my discussions with other members, which I really appreciate. It gives me the feeling of having a companion with me on the journey. I know that there are other members who, likewise, are walking with us. It is always reassuring when I notice that people have given support in discussions.

While many of the discussions that I have with other members are about particular issues that those members are dealing with, I often inform those people that all the forum discussions are open to all members. I also encourage others to look around the forums to see if other ideas suit their particular situation.

Your presence helps me to feel assured of a guiding hand, if it is needed,

Thank you.

With My Very Best Wishes

HenryX

[Former-Member]

@Jayneinpain  - so pleased you've found somewhere to call home. Let us know how it goes. Do you have faith? I was crying the other morning, praying how I felt so alone in the world, uncared about, rejected by key family members... which I honestly don't believe I deserve. Anyway, it hurts, and I was lead to Psalm 23 "the Lord is my shepherd" ... I shall not want... God loves us and that's all that really matters. The penny kinda dropped then, I've placed too much importance on the opinions of others. If I've done everything I can to keep peace, within reason, nothing more is required of me... and we can't control others. I'm sorry all 3 of your children ignored you Mother's Day. That hurts. And embarrassing. My son came but kindwvgotvthevvibesvhed rather be somewhere else.  Don't know what's worse. We have to be our own best friend. Let us know how you go in new place 🏠💗

[Jayneinpain]

@Former-Member

It has taken me so long to accept that I am allowed to love myself despite what others may have said in the past or the future.The 23rd Psalm has always been my favourite, both written and sung. 

Things are very exciting in my new life. I am organising furniture for me - not going with what someone else wants and ignoring my desires. It is very liberating and a bit sscary but fun. I find I am buying colourful things instead of dull, bland, safe things. 

We have had no phone connection all day and I use my phone as my internet hotspot, so no internet either. It has been very interesting. I took up a pair of jeans that have been too long since I bought them nearly 3 years ago. I did two loads of washing in my new washing machine. Cleaned out another cupboard before stacking it the way I want. It has all been very domesticated and I have loved it.

I will be starting work as soon as the paperwork gets to me. I will only be doing 8hr/week as I think that is as much as I can do without compromising my health. I have had to be very firm that I will not take on any more than that. It is a nice feeling to have someone appreciate my experience and skills.

I know your pain about feeling alone. I have lived that life for so many years. I could feel terribly alone in the middle of my family. I am now trying to live the belief that they are travelling their own path and I am not responsible for the decisions they take. It has freed me of a lot of guilt, often for things that were not of my doing. I hope you can find that place on your path.

People used to talk about the light at the end of the tunnel. I was convinced they must have had a different sort of tunnel to me because I could not even see the end of the tunnel, let alone the light. I felt trapped in that tunnel of guilt. shame, fear, self-loathing, regret, failure and suicide. I have now found the light switch, turned on the light, seen that those words were just graffitti left be someone passing through and I can come and go through the tunnel as I please. Last week, when I wrote, I think the fuse had blown and I became terrified that I was stuck again. However, I have decided to walk away from the tunnel and explore what is on the other side. So far, I am really enjoying the view.

Take care of you. It is not self-indulgent or vain. It is essential and life-giving and freeing and nurturing and beautiful. Enjoy being you!