Fragile

[Appleblossom]

@rav3n I have seen many different family dynamics….some are quick and there is a lot of movement, and the give and take may not be truly reactive. Ah yes… and what is responsive. Lol

my family… maybe I should rephrase that.., and admit I don’t have a family. I only have a son.

maybe I am embracing the real feelings, and see the real situation, so I can release and live each day.

thanks for chatting.

[rav3n]

@Appleblossom even if it's just you and your son, that's still counts as family i reckon. 

do you consider the people you play music/sing with a chosen family? 

[Appleblossom]

I care about them @rav3n and try and keep my eyes on the ball…lol… or music score… lol…yep used to be a bit sporty and care about teamwork.

I know family is meant to connote many positive qualities, but maybe I need to be careful about the concept as it can also tap into lots of past trauma. 

[Appleblossom]

Dear @tyme @my step daughter liked calling welfare checks on my nephew and son. They were not relevant. I also have worked in 2 other mental health spaces where I am dealing with the fallout of the excessive reliance on the crisis approach to suicidality. It would be great if Sane uses its advocacy power to improve things. I believe things have gone backwards from when my brother and sister took their lives in the 80s and 90s. I have reeeeaallly had too much experience. I did train in alt2su…. Just one of my many trainings. The crisis approach is sheer idiocy… we need more sanctuaries…. In real life. Victoria is behind NSW and Tassie.

really good to reconnect… even though it is about deadly serious stuff.

[tyme]

No, let's keep this convo going. It's important. I have to log off now, but will come back to it @Appleblossom 

[Appleblossom]

Thanks @tyme 

yes re the alternatives to crisis line stuff. I get more than most the importance and seriousness, but honestly to engage with people, we have to think beyond easy legal medical management protocols that actually are very dehumanising experiences, for the many many people I have spoken with in the years since my siblings deaths. It doesnt get better, by quoting stats. It gets better by people feeling real connections and a reason to be here. Telling people to front up to the ED is sheer lunacy and not fit for purpose and a waste of everybody's time. The only people who feel good are the ones who are sure they have done the right thing, but maybe thats a delusion.

*****

The Lived Experience workforce can help a bit, and there are moves afoot to get more networks for solidarity among peer workers etc etc.

*****

Just started a new Mad Pride discussion thread and shared 2 pdfs ...

How_to_Turn_Madness_into_Art_and_Philoso.pdf

A Philosophy of Madness : The experience of psychotic thinking

Both with a Mad Studies lens by Wouter Kusters Netherlands but translated into English

Quote from the short article

"Perplexity is an appropriate term; it preserves the fact that

the mad insight does not boil down to wrong perception or false cognition".

seems relevant for apple to unpack

I have so long known and admitted my perplexity ... but they wont give me an easy madness and lock me up, so I guess the world has to put up with me out and about....

Just been so lonely for so long.  So polite. Connected with an old female minister today, cos she did weird stuff like Liturgical dancing like me ... back in the 70s. lol  That was more my scene than all the rock and pop, but there wasnt enough around me ... 

@Dimity Hugs

@Till23 I know you are busy and going off, but I thought you might be interested.

[Appleblossom]

 Saw a YouTube that impacted me about a 5 year old getting a new foster family. I especially remember days in the last orphanage from 7-8 where we would all be playing outside, and fences were erected with the foster parents on the other side. Some of the kids were placed just for Christmas holidays, and there was some picking and choosing. Then the dormitory was almost empty. I was going back to my natural parents so waited longer, but I was happy and hopeful like the kid in the YouTube. I got so sick of the way Law and Order episodes stereotyped kids in foster care.

@Jynx @rav3n @tyme 

my siblings stories are all different. Different foster families, so different lives and periods in “out of home “ care. Probably why I can be a bit scientific or clinical in my tone as I am trying to honour the truths and complexities.

I was a little older when we went into “care” so thought I was luckier. I found weird ways to put more pressure and responsibility on myself. So these days when I see stories about kids in care in early primary school like I was, I can see better how unusual it was but also see range of adaptations that the kids make.

 I like my new psychologist. She is young, makes a commitment to me, listens and tries to integrate my material, and not over charging like the last, or pushing silly limited psycho-education slides and links on me, the one before that. So yep, I have a trail, of unsatisfactory therapeutic experiences.

My last psychologist did send an email apologising for not responding to my one email, when he realised I had cancelled regular appointments. He said he felt embarrassed, but still the company sent me their price increases today, when I stopped over a month ago. I have a high sensitivity to detect the difference between automatic processes and more human connections. So maybe that’s a resilience skill from my time as state ward…. Took nearly 60 years to figure it out. lol.  What is someone being nice like a social worker and what is a sense of real connection…. I feel disconnected from the care leavers network, cos I got a better education…anyway perseverance seems the only way…here and elsewhere.

@Till23 @Dimity 

[Dimity]

I'm glad there's mutual respect with your new psychologist @Appleblossom .

It's unsurprising you chose responsibility and pressuring yourself even at that early stage... Aristotle and Ignatius both had the line about show me the child at 7 and I will show you the man. 

It's sad you were all exhibited for foster parents to pick and choose.

4-8 were difficult years for me. I guess they all were.

I don't know if you have any opinions about the prevalence of out of home care these days... current practice concerns me but I haven't been involved in advocacy. You probably have more than enough to contend with on other issues.

Something that strikes me is the strong  and caring relationship you seem to have had with your parents despite their problems and difficulties and your undoubted trauma from the orphanages and foster care. 

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @Dimity I liked your music choice for Tils farewell. I will miss her.

I think it was hard for many kids through primary school. As I enjoyed learning, there were many kids I saw that seemed to have an obviously tougher time than me.

I do keep an eye out for current child protection issues, but it is really complex to decide levels of risk for children, and the trade offs in separating kids from parents and within sibling groups.  I am not overly impressed by current practices, but there is heaps I don’t know about. I just feel everyone has more attention and stuff but there are still heaps of problems. 

[Dimity]

@Appleblossom sorry I didn't mean to distract. I guess I worry about child "protection" in context of closing the gap on multiple community failings. 

School may have been a welcome relief for you. For me it was complicated. 

It would gave been hard for you if you had to keep changing schools.

You haven't mentioned the outcome of your efforts re your grandson... perhaps you're bruised and consoling your son... warm wishes, and whatever transpired is likely not the end of the story.