Fragile

[Abner]

Or maybe the way you want to see yourself @Dreamy .  I was once told "Why limit yourself to the way other people see you, when you could have a better view of yourself than that?"

[Dreamy]

@Abner at the moment i struggle to see myself any way other than in a negative view. Very wise words, I do try hard to change the way I see myself but years of trauma and self loathing really does make it hard to change things. 

[Abner]

It'll be hard to do do because you're used to taking on other people's negativity, as most of us are, but you're worth the effort @Dreamy , even when you don't think you are...and when you think "I'm not worth it." remind yourself that's negativity that was put there by others, it'll take a long time to undo so let's start undoing it now. 

Sometimes when I feel bad about myself in that way, I do something I can feel proud of, it helps me feel better about myself, and changes some of the narratives going on in my head.

[Dreamy]

@Abner thanks for the kind words. I am trying had to change the way I think and see myself but at times I'm not sure if it's even possible. 

[Appleblossom]

I really appreciate your reflective post and you sharing your personal experience. @Dimity I am not sure what is the right thing to do. Was researching and went to legal aid, then worrying... About that possibility of it getting nastier. Don't want to make things worse for anybody. The situation is so hostile it won't get better. The mother tried to get my sympathy 10 years ago against her parents but now they are supposedly great and we are attacked. Thinking will get paperwork sorted tomorrow... Then put it aside.... Leave time... Seek more opinion...

Estrangement is so difficult…

@Till23 @Dreamy @Jynx 

[Till23]

Oh wow that sounds hard @Appleblossom. I really hate that kind of stuff and feel I never deal well with it. So I just try to keep out of it, but sometimes you can't. 

My first response is normally flight - I just want to run away. I think life is hard enough without this kind of  personal politics stuff

[Jynx]

We all do what we think we need to survive @Appleblossom it's not your fault you wanted to trust, that just tells me you are kind and good 💜

[Dimity]

@Appleblossom I'd fear retaliation blocking you and your son's access to your grandson. 

Family connections can be so tortuous and torturing. I heard I'd been named and blamed in a different family law matter but the judge concluded the claimant was an unreliable witness. Many years on, that person wants to reconcile. I'm open to it but haven't pursued it.

"My father's house has many rooms." I guess that must mean there are also many doorways. We must trust we will find another way when one or more are blocked.  

[Abner]

@Dreamy it's a habit that's been there for a long time, and as with any habit that we've had for a long time, it's addictive and will be hard to break, so start breaking it with just a minute or so each day, and expect it to come back.  With practice it'll come back less and less. 

Each time you break the habit for a minute or so congratulate yourself on a job well done.  Reward yourself with a nice çup of coffee or tea and perhaps a healthy biscuit.

[Appleblossom]

@Jynx @Dreamy @@Abner 

I am feeling ignored and dismissed when I am going through major crises on a thread I created 10 years ago for times I am feeling very vulnerable and stressed. Nobody owns a thread, but there are different ways of showing respect and inclusion…. Eg tagging or relating about conversation. I am not sure if it is deliberate or unintentional, but felt I should mention it.

 @Till23 just in from gardening. Had a beach walk this morning and made a couple people laugh even though I am highly labile, not sleeping well and highly agitated at the moment, whilst drawing upon a large store of mindfulness and calming self care strategies.

@Dimity hearing you about possible consequences. Have decided to consult widely before any filing… it might mean my grandson will have left the country by the time I am clear. Our contact with him has been extremely controlled as to not be fair contact anyway. Living in fear of tantrum or blast from mother.