Hey lovely @outlander
also cooee
@PeppyPatti @Emelia8 @Shaz51
@tyme
it is about accepting my family with a sense of reality. I can go into rose coloured glasses little girl, The consequences of adverse life events hasn’t been properly addressed for my childhood and then the deaths during early adulthood and now accepting my son’s and daughter’s situations. Yes it is inter generational trauma. That acknowledgment “should” have lead to a general unpacking, putting in context, sharing, healing….Even the professionals don’t really make sense of it. Eg my shrink was talking about my son crying but I don’t think he really gets it as my son really does not cry. He has huge sensitivity but more and more wanting to project strength. Maybe it is those endless projections as we try and grapple with our human condition.
A lot of blame is on me for circumstances well and truly out of my control. Gobsmackingly. I did my best throughout my life but feeling pretty worthless. Yes. More loss and despair. Trying not to self whip too much.
I am rostered on to play for Good Friday and have lots of commitments to keep me going. But low energy. People seem to want lots of positive energy to prove everything is alright and I don’t seem to be able to do that.
keeping gently bently has taken all my dedication, resolve and available resources. I do make jokes more, but they are quiet and involve wordplay.
thanks for caring @tyme
