Fragile

[Appleblossom]

Much appreciation for you and your friendship.

@Dimity 

I also withdraw and walk away from conflict. 

My father was overwhelmed by the numbers of my big migrant family and scorned for not being in the main theatre of war in WWII. Though he served from underage at 17. Yes, I forgive them and understand their different traumas. They didn’t realise that a consequence would be we 4 kids in the welfare. That is why father left work and took us on the train to NSW and we were homeless going walkabouts and ended with the so called welfare. I am heartily sick and tired of simplistic discussion about war or mental health or illness. 

my lasagne has lots veggies in it, but upset and forgot cheese. So walking to shops again. Never driven an SUV. 

[Dimity]

Take care @Appleblossom you sound a bit frazzled. Good luck with the cheese.

So much moralising over WW2 volunteering versus conscription.  Dad didn't want to be posted overseas so endured bullying and ostracism and white feathers from his small rural community. When he served he nearly died from a tropical disease.

So many layers to stories. Your father did his best. And you remember that, which is important. 

[Till23]

Hoping you are able to regroup @Appleblossom 

Being open and vulnerable when we are not used to doing so, is really difficult, I find.

Hopefully, I have not trodden on any of your feelings unintentionally. I find, with text based communication it’s difficult because you are unable to pick up any nuances in speech or body language and may not have understood the nuances of what a person has written.

 I much prefer face-to-face communication, but also understand that with the layer of anonymity people can perhaps be more open than they normally would, and others would prefer not to have face-to-face communication.

 I am fairly new to forums so trying to navigate all the subtleties. I also, because of childhood trauma,

 find labelling emotions and feelings difficult and probably miss other people’s meanings. 
I am very grateful for all I have, especially education I think, because it has helped me with work, having a roof over my head and being able to feed and clothe myself. I have at least satisfied the bottom layer of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, or perhaps the bottom two, so I am grateful for that too.

Take care

[rav3n]

hey @Appleblossom how are you? 

i was reading some of your posts and hearing bits of your history, you've overcome so much. really grateful to have a mind and soul like yours here. hope you're taking it easy. 

[Appleblossom]

Thanks for sharing your father’s story @Dimity it makes sense and helps us be more aware of the layers and complexity. It has been essential for me to unpack it all. As prior to that I just had the Schizophrenia diagnoses of both parents looming over my head. Well my brother and sister suffered from that too…. The looming… and the incompetence and hospitalisations leading to death.

Actually @Till23 nothing you said worried me. I find you thoughtful and gracious and we had a silly laugh about cat chefs. Thanks, that helped.

It’s just the reality I have lived this last year. Idiot police telling me I have weapons in my house and manhandling my son again and again. Even if he is sitting peacefully on the ground. Some of them have simply watched too much television and get their rocks off with turning on their sirens. NOW I have trauma from 10 years of watching the BS they have inflicted on him. It started just after the Bourke st thing, and they wanted to teach him a lesson. I wish they would get their files and records in order as THEY are confused. Can I get lawyers onto them to check their files? No weapons here. Just LOTS musical instruments. The shame and horror has now turned my stomach. I am an outraged mumma bear. I am sick of too many police everywhere I don’t care who they vote for. It’s how intergenerational trauma is transmitted. 

[Appleblossom]

@Dimity @Till23 @tyme @rav3n 

Lasagne done. Making the bechamel sauce gave me a brain twitch. I have been making it since 1982. Hung out with lots Italian chefs at work . Wondered. I bet the Italians didn’t call it that ….ah internet research into cuisine history. It was called salsa colla in Tuscany but it “went “ to France in 1533. Learn a new thing everyday. Wondering why no cultural appropriation issues. So many things get shared to bring us to where we are now. 

https://chefin.com.au/dictionary/bechamel-sauce/#:~:text=History%20of%20béchamel%20sauce,(wife%20of%...).

[Dimity]

Yes @Appleblossom Dad was more than happy to defend home territory. 

I'm literally speechless at what you and your son are enduring. I fear stigma and profiling colour so much policing. I've encountered it myself, partly fuelled by  my family's animosity. And I fear the criminalisation of peaceful protest, and systemic violence and victimisation at all stages of the (in)justice system.

I won't dwell on it as I don't want to worry you but I care very deeply. 

I trust the  forums are a safe space for you, and that you are getting the support you need. You're welcome to vent if that helps. Sitting with you, as our friend @Shaz51 would say. 

On a happier note my garden helper lifted a number of plants for me today in the first step towards garden redesign. I hope they'll be safe in pots until I can replant.

[Zoe7]

Hugs back to you gorgeous @Appleblossom ❤️

[Appleblossom]

@Dimity Thank you for your openness and sharing and discretion. It is what I have been dealing with, in the background, since 2015 when I joined the forum. I did need support.  

[Appleblossom]

I was involved in Climate action on the street with XR before COVID @Abner We sang to encourage the peaceful protesters with young law students representing them in court. I pulled back cos family didn’t need that stress. I have never been apathetic. I do think the young protesters escalated for thrills a bit. I began to feel sick of them blaming previous generations who in my view had actually made less of a footprint. We generally lived more simply without the frills, gadgets, cars or air conditioning. Still glad I did it. I also walked the Palm Sunday rallies but won’t this year. Done my bit. Enough.