To the OP:
Add to whether you should be here or not, only you can make that decision. I'm different from most people you'll find here, in that I do endorse euthenasia for mental health reasons, but it needs to be a considered decision in a long term situation after you've exhausted all treatment options... Definitely not a solution for acute mental illness or an impulse decision! It's quite possible you have a treatable mental illness... You haven't said anything about treatment you've tried... ECT? TMS? As well as the oodles of medication and psychology options... You need a good psychiatrist and psychologist if you've got a hard to treat illness.
Even though I support euthanasia for severe psychiatric illness, very few people would qualify, or even want it - most people can be supported to create meaningful lives. Suicidal ideation is usually transient for most people, almost everyone changes their mind! I know it's hard to think about at the moment, but suicide is utterly devastating for the people left behind, although you may not feel like the support you're getting at the moment is making a difference. It's hard to say more without knowing about your situation, but it's more likely that you have a treatable psychiatric illness, that what you're experiencing is temporary. I know it feels like it'll go on forever, but that's the lie, things will change, your life may be unrecognisable in a few months let alone years.
Chat to your GP about how you're feeling and where your management is at, they might help you to explore options. There's Alt2Su groups around - alternative to suicide - which I think are really helpful peer led groups for people feeling suicidal, I came across some zoom ones recently so they might be an option if they're not running in your location. I'd do them if I was in that kind of a space, I genuinely think it's worth it.
Suicide truly is a last resort, I can understand why it appeals, but too many people get hurt by it, usually it's a long term solution to a temporary problem that devastates the people that care about you. There's usually hope, no matter how bleak things look. I've been in some torrid places in my life, and I couldn't imagine that I'd get to the other side, let alone do as fantastically well as I am doing, and it's likely you'll be in a similar position, if you hang in there, and keep on getting help. Take care.
