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Looking after ourselves

ClockFace
Senior Contributor

Surgery Happened

They actually did it, I had my procedure and Im home. It kinda feels like im using someone else's feet and legs to walk. Im getting around really slowly, Im in a fair bit of pain but that should only last a day or 2. Im still using my normal pain managment meds, will add some over the counter gear as well tonight (it's safe to do so). But I am happy that its finally been done.
 
Its left me well tired, I think it will be an early night though part of that is probably everything catching up on me at once because all the sudden it was forced on me for it to be about me. And it was weird having nurses and doctors fussing over me, just me, for a few hours I was the centre of attention and that was weird.
 
It didnt last though, I sent Mum and my sister a simple are you ok message as they are both in hospital and it devolved into how horrible their lives were. As soon as that happened I stopped replying, I just dont have it in me between the pain and the tired, it just doesnt rate as being important.
 
I think some things will change on a few fronts, like a period of time where texts arent to be sent and wont be reponded to, unless emergency. Requests for stuff to be brought down will be recieved between certain hours and I will collect then, not continually though out the day. Im not going down everyday and sometimes not every second day. Im certainly not visiting Mum and My sister on the same day. Ill probably just be seeing my sister and Dad can worry about Mum. I feel like a bit of a jerk but Im not gonna manage much longer, well Im not managing now but if I keep going the way I am Ill lose touch with reality and I dont want to do that again. As wrong as it sounds, I might play the back card for as long as I can and have a little holiday.
 
I got an appointment sorted with my psychologist for Saturday which is only a couple days away, I didnt hear about the psychiatrist which was a little annoying but they would be triaging where as the psychologist Im a returning patient. I really hope she can help with the reoccuring vision of finding my sister, Im finding it increasingly difficult to deal with.
 
I have been wondering how in a right state of mind I was to have my procedure. I mean I dont regret it and I would do it all over again. But looking back, none of the prep felt real, like the doctors and nurses were all, I dunno, hollow. Like forms were put in front of me and I signed without question because there was no concequence. Ive been to the hospital a mountain of times before but it was like a poor copy of the hospital I knew. At the time I didnt realise I was thinking this way, looking back its different. I know what I was thinking was false now though and I dont blame anyone for not realising. Though I do wonder if I was seeing a psychiatrist if they would have been ok with me having the procedure. Fortunately at this stage I dont have another known, procedure for about 5 months depending on schedual my ne Uncologist decides.
 
 
1 REPLY 1

Re: Surgery Happened

Hi @ClockFace 

 

I am really glad to hear that you have had the procedure - pain and feeling very tired - that has to be normal.

 

Possibly after all that has been going on during the last few days having people fuss over you and being the centre of attention would feel very strange for you - you do deserve to have all that happen though - and it must be a relief to have it done - and nothing you know of for 5 months sounds good.

 

It's best to have some boundaries around your family - for you own mental and physical health - one issue a day is far more than desirable but that is possible the best you can hope for - hearing people's bad days when you have just had an operation is not the best way to come out of sedation - there is no need to feel guilty or bad about yourself - you do have a heavy burden to sort out there.

 

Sending my best thoughts

 

Owlunar

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